Is there something wrong with a woman who says she "needs" a child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you posted in the wrong forum. If roles were reversed and your wife was the one who posted this about you. You have no idea how the women will rally on her behalf.

You're the man, you're automatically the enemy.

Not true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think everyone is being a bit to hard on OP. sounds like be could be dealing with a borderline personality, and it is actually a good thing that he realizes that she is sick. You would be surprised now many husbands of borderline a try to cater to their every whim, to the detriment of the kids. My concern here though is that OP is not doing enough to protect his daughter. OP, why do you tolerate any mistreatment of your DD? You should be protecting her. And obviously no, do not have another baby.

Because he describes her as neurotic and selfish she's a borderline?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have to say you come across as very arrogant and condescending. People are not "entitled" to a second child because they are perfect and are rated Outstanding with their first child by their spouse. I also get a whiff of a strange alliance between you and your daughter in which you pass judgment on your wife. No wonder she has a poor relationship with your daughter.

I think you need family therapy. Not about the second child issue, but about the terrible dynamics in the entire relationship here. You are not a fit father either.

NP. i had the same reaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't need to manipulate my DD. She sees how Mom behaves. She is 12 years old, and she is not stupid. Also, y'all are right she is not "entitled" to a child - perfect or not. I just don't feel that it would be right, given what I have observed in the course of the marriage, to bring another child into what is essentially a dysfunctional family dynamic. There is nothing wrong with that view. DW has a choice - therapy or no. If no, forget ever having another child. Pretty fair, I think.

actually, you have a choice too OP, therapy might be more enticing if you don't make the issue black and white and triangulate your wife away from you and your daughter. Why don't you jump into therapy yourself-FAMILY therapy.

I am wondering if this really is about your wife and her desire for a kid, or if this is about whether or not you are on your wife's side. Are you a team? Do you fight for her? Do you try to protect her? From the way you write, you are just so eager to blast her and make her the scapegoat for the family problems. Did you consider that her increasingly histrionic fits might be a reaction to your increasing coldness, your judgements, your pushing her away? Her wanting a baby might be the only way she feels she can stay connected to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you posted in the wrong forum. If roles were reversed and your wife was the one who posted this about you. You have no idea how the women will rally on her behalf.

You're the man, you're automatically the enemy.

What a load of BS. If the OP were a woman and it was "he" instead of "she", I'd still think that from what the OP has posted there was a complete lack of affection and fundamental respect for the spouse in question, never mind the alliance with the daughter and seeming unwillingness to take any responsibility regarding the state of the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP, you posted in the wrong forum. If roles were reversed and your wife was the one who posted this about you. You have no idea how the women will rally on her behalf.

You're the man, you're automatically the enemy.


What a load of BS. If the OP were a woman and it was "he" instead of "she", I'd still think that from what the OP has posted there was a complete lack of affection and fundamental respect for the spouse in question, never mind the alliance with the daughter and seeming unwillingness to take any responsibility regarding the state of the marriage.

Please! If the gender was changed everyone would be telling her to save money, get a lawyer, you are so special, how dare he, etc, etc, etc. This is just typical man are bad, all women are great and can never do anything wrong. How dare he.

[Anonymous]

I didn't see much specifics in here. Just allusions to wife's "bad moods" and the such.

[Anonymous]

How about the smallest thing sets DW off on a tirade where she uses language towards her DH or DD that is best reserved for greedy corporations, thieving politicians or people eho torture small animals, not a life partner with run-of the-mill human foibles or a DD navigating the difficulties of adolescents.

For those of you who are critical that I am cold, uncaring, not affectionate towards his DW, perhaps that is because she has sucked it out of me. One minute she will tear another asshole in me, and the next she wants to cuddle on the couch snd be all lovey-dovey. I am sorry, but I do not work that way. As for protecting her? From what? Herself? My DD? When I actually told her once, she had DD in tears and called her "stupid'" and I stepped in to protect DD, she told me to STFU and get out. I told DD to go up to her room, and DW told her to stay the f**k where she is! Imtold her I has to protect DD from her tirades. She broke down crying hysterically "who is going to protect me?"

I am sorry, but where I grew up this is not normal adult behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about the smallest thing sets DW off on a tirade where she uses language towards her DH or DD that is best reserved for greedy corporations, thieving politicians or people eho torture small animals, not a life partner with run-of the-mill human foibles or a DD navigating the difficulties of adolescents.

For those of you who are critical that I am cold, uncaring, not affectionate towards his DW, perhaps that is because she has sucked it out of me. One minute she will tear another asshole in me, and the next she wants to cuddle on the couch snd be all lovey-dovey. I am sorry, but I do not work that way. As for protecting her? From what? Herself? My DD? When I actually told her once, she had DD in tears and called her "stupid'" and I stepped in to protect DD, she told me to STFU and get out. I told DD to go up to her room, and DW told her to stay the f**k where she is! Imtold her I has to protect DD from her tirades. She broke down crying hysterically "who is going to protect me?"

I am sorry, but where I grew up this is not normal adult behavior.

Then you can: a) seek marital counseling and/or b) seek the advice of a lawyer. It's jus hard to imagine that you have no role in this whatsoever. Your first paragraph of this post is filled with hatred and contempt. Maybe it's deserved, but if it's truly deserved, move on to something more productive.

[Anonymous]

Okay, then leave. Why would ANYONE stay?

[Anonymous]

Why do still want to be married to this woman? You posted that you don't want to get divorced but have emotionally cut yourself off from her. You also posted that she is verbally abusive to your daughter. I think you should start saving some money and visit a lawyer to see what your options are. If you hate your wife then don't get her pregnant.

[Anonymous]

OP reminds me of that woman who complained aboit her husband not wanting to pay for a sitter while conveniently omitting she sah and changed careers against his wishes...

Sorry OP, but of your wife is so terrible why are you still married to her. Why are you even mentioning child #2?

[Anonymous]

Okay, OP, you convinced me. She's Ariel Castro in female form. She's Manson. Bundy. Bobby Knight. And you, you're Mother Teresa.

Question: What are your plans?

[Anonymous]

Canonization.

[Anonymous]

WTF do you want us to say? That your wife is awful? We don't know her, and it would do no good anyway. If you are unhappy, either go to family counseling or get a divorce. What are you looking for here? Validation?