Disagreement between Spouse on Public vs Private

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Easy OP. If you can afford private -- go private. If you can't ...go public. What is so hard about that. If you can't afford it, don't fret over it...that's not going to help your child.

Not the OP but another family struggling with this. We earn 500k-1mill and we are still undecided. I don't necessarily think all private schools are better just because they are private. DH specifically does not want our kids to only be around wealthy kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The one who wants private - has to show beyond a reasonable doubt - how it will be paid for without sacrifice from the spouse who wants public.

Here! Here! I told my SAHM wife that if the private option was so important to her she could go out and earn the additional money so that it would not derail my retirement plans. She back off on that faster than greased lightening. She didn't want the responsibility.

So glad I am not married to you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The one who wants private - has to show beyond a reasonable doubt - how it will be paid for without sacrifice from the spouse who wants public.

Here! Here! I told my SAHM wife that if the private option was so important to her she could go out and earn the additional money so that it would not derail my retirement plans. She back off on that faster than greased lightening. She didn't want the responsibility.

So glad I am not married to you

And ditto.

[Anonymous]

I predict divorce within a few years. I see it happen all the time. You have no appreciation for a SAHM. Thankfully I don't have a husband who pulls out words like that "earn additional money" which is clearly your attempt to be controlling. And what guy says "here here"-again..yuck

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I predict divorce within a few years. I see it happen all the time. You have no appreciation for a SAHM. Thankfully I don't have a husband who pulls out words like that "earn additional money" which is clearly your attempt to be controlling. And what guy says "here here"-again..yuck

Are you going to level the same criticism at the 10:50 mom, who wrote "My SAHD wanted public. I earn enough so I demanded private."? Seems like the exact same sentiment to me.

[Anonymous]

There's a valid point in the bickering here, which is that private school may not be a great idea if it comes at the cost of retirement and college savings. In that case, it would make sense for a spouse to go back to work. It's been said here a million times: you want to retire before you're 80, and you want to be able to afford the best colleges for your child, and none of this will happen if private school makes you completely strapped for money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The one who wants private - has to show beyond a reasonable doubt - how it will be paid for without sacrifice from the spouse who wants public.

Here! Here! I told my SAHM wife that if the private option was so important to her she could go out and earn the additional money so that it would not derail my retirement plans. She back off on that faster than greased lightening. She didn't want the responsibility.

A part-time working mom/ wife here. And I applaud you for this.

[Anonymous]

I work solely so we can send our kids to private school. It's totally worth it IMO. Unless you are extremely wealthy, I don't understand why anyone would SAH after the kids are school-aged unless there are special circumstances (like a child with SN or an elderly parent who required a lot of care), especially if SAH meant having to make sacrifices like not having the option to send your kids to private.

[Anonymous]

What's wrong with going to school with esl kids? I did for elementary school and liked it. Had kids from all over the world. Some teachers would often have me help the Spanish speaking kids, I liked it. And a friend of mine who satnextto a kid from china learned a few mandarin characters, which sparked her interest in studying Chinese. She parlayed that into admission into a top MBA program.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's a valid point in the bickering here, which is that private school may not be a great idea if it comes at the cost of retirement and college savings. In that case, it would make sense for a spouse to go back to work. It's been said here a million times: you want to retire before you're 80, and you want to be able to afford the best colleges for your child, and none of this will happen if private school makes you completely strapped for money.

But I don't want to be able to afford the best colleges for my child. I'm not even sure there is such a thing as "the best colleges". Or, alternatively, part of what makes them "the best colleges" for my child is that I am able to afford them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a valid point in the bickering here, which is that private school may not be a great idea if it comes at the cost of retirement and college savings. In that case, it would make sense for a spouse to go back to work. It's been said here a million times: you want to retire before you're 80, and you want to be able to afford the best colleges for your child, and none of this will happen if private school makes you completely strapped for money.

But I don't want to be able to afford the best colleges for my child. I'm not even sure there is such a thing as "the best colleges". Or, alternatively, part of what makes them "the best colleges" for my child is that I am able to afford them.

+1

Not planning to save for "best" college. If we can cover state college I'm happy and any difference in cost for what kid does will need to come from scholarships, student loans, and work study etc.

We had a public/private disagreement and the only thing that brought us to agreement was trying public school. To be fair, one child was totally fine in public school. The other child, did not do well at our public school. I had to let things play out until it was obvious it wasn't going to get better for one child without big changes of some sort.

If you are concerned about moving to private later there are entry point grades for the ones that are K-12 and there are privates that start in 3rd grade or middle school. You could also pick a school that isn't as competive as the big 3 and pay special attention to how new kids are integrated into the school. At some places kids are very excited to see someone new because it is small versus being entrenched in cliques because they have gone to classes together for awhile.

Last piece of advice is to consider that there could be many possible paths to getting what you believe is needed for your child. Could someone move to a higher paying job or pickup hours to help pay for private school or conversely could someone decrease hours or be in a situation where they had more time to help bridge any gaps you see happening in your public school for your child (I.e. more academic enrichment, being more involved to help create a sense of community for your kids, more art or music). Is homeschooling an option? Is renting in a different public school cluster an option? Could you just opt for private for middle school or just high school or just to help get your child through a rough patch? We considered lots of options and we will re-evaluate at certain points if private continues to remain the best option for our children.

[Anonymous]

PP here. Forgot to mention, I did consider the cost and my job in the decision as the one pushing for private. In terms of cost, I knew we could pay at least what we were paying for daycare. In terms of job it has played a factor in the job I have now. I think if I was a SAHM it would have been a harder sell because I would have had the time to have worked more on the issues we had with public school. We would also not be accustomed to spending something like 25K per year on daycare and later in elementary school 12K for aftercare.

Also, if I expected DH to make more sacrifices, like taking a different job that paid more but maybe was more like 80% travel, he would need to believe that sacrifice was worth it. I had parents that weren't on the same page for those things and the resentment it causes and one person doing something but making it very clear to the kids it wasn't his/her idea and the bickering threatens giving your children the more important gift of stability and feeling secure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Easy OP. If you can afford private -- go private. If you can't ...go public. What is so hard about that. If you can't afford it, don't fret over it...that's not going to help your child.

Not the OP but another family struggling with this. We earn 500k-1mill and we are still undecided. I don't necessarily think all private schools are better just because they are private. DH specifically does not want our kids to only be around wealthy kids.

Most public school boundaries in MCPS cluster wealth so I am curious how your kids wouldn't be going to public school with other wealthy kids if you are living somewhere with the best public schools that 500k-1 mil could afford. I do agree though that private isn't better because it is private.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Most public school boundaries in MCPS cluster wealth so I am curious how your kids wouldn't be going to public school with other wealthy kids if you are living somewhere with the best public schools that 500k-1 mil could afford. I do agree though that private isn't better because it is private.

Just as private schools aren't necessarily better merely for being private, so public schools aren't necessarily better merely for having fewer poor students. Somerset ES has FARMS <5.0% (including ever FARMS); my kids' elementary school has FARMS/ever FARMS over 20%; is Somerset ES better than my kids' elementary school? I don't know. I like my kids' elementary school, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Easy OP. If you can afford private -- go private. If you can't ...go public. What is so hard about that. If you can't afford it, don't fret over it...that's not going to help your child.

Not the OP but another family struggling with this. We earn 500k-1mill and we are still undecided. I don't necessarily think all private schools are better just because they are private. DH specifically does not want our kids to only be around wealthy kids.

Most public school boundaries in MCPS cluster wealth so I am curious how your kids wouldn't be going to public school with other wealthy kids if you are living somewhere with the best public schools that 500k-1 mil could afford. I do agree though that private isn't better because it is private.

We live in a wealthy MoCo neighborhood. The wealthiest people still opt for private. Yes, you have a lot of wealth at MCPS schools, but it's certainly not like the wealth you see at privates.