Disagreement between Spouse on Public vs Private

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The one who wants private - has to show beyond a reasonable doubt - how it will be paid for without sacrifice from the spouse who wants public.

Here! Here! I told my SAHM wife that if the private option was so important to her she could go out and earn the additional money so that it would not derail my retirement plans. She back off on that faster than greased lightening. She didn't want the responsibility.

So glad I am not married to you

I'd marry him in a minute.Money doesn't grow on trees.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work solely so we can send our kids to private school. It's totally worth it IMO. Unless you are extremely wealthy, I don't understand why anyone would SAH after the kids are school-aged unless there are special circumstances (like a child with SN or an elderly parent who required a lot of care), especially if SAH meant having to make sacrifices like not having the option to send your kids to private.

This I don't understand. Personally, I think it is much harder to be a working mom when the kids are ES than when they are in daycare. Daycare worjs for working moms while ES assumes that parents can bend their work schedules at will the 3-6 time frame is the toughest. Also activities in ES can put parents over the edge...signed a full time working mom for over 10 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work solely so we can send our kids to private school. It's totally worth it IMO. Unless you are extremely wealthy, I don't understand why anyone would SAH after the kids are school-aged unless there are special circumstances (like a child with SN or an elderly parent who required a lot of care), especially if SAH meant having to make sacrifices like not having the option to send your kids to private.

This I don't understand. Personally, I think it is much harder to be a working mom when the kids are ES than when they are in daycare. Daycare worjs for working moms while ES assumes that parents can bend their work schedules at will the 3-6 time frame is the toughest. Also activities in ES can put parents over the edge...signed a full time working mom for over 10 years.

+1 - it may be cheaper to send them to public school vs daycare once they are K age, but if your child is involved in any activities or sports, it is really tough to work and stay involved and be there at drop off on bus and pick-up at 3pm. The after school program at my daughter's school is awful. Full of the worst kids running around with no structure. We did that one year and then I went down to PT, then to SAH. This allows me to get 3 kids her to soccer practice, Girl Scouts, basketball and have piano lessons that aren't after 6pm anymore. We tried looking for a college kid who could work 3-6pm for us but it never worked out.

[Anonymous]

^^Oh and if you do private, you are picking up and dropping off daily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work solely so we can send our kids to private school. It's totally worth it IMO. Unless you are extremely wealthy, I don't understand why anyone would SAH after the kids are school-aged unless there are special circumstances (like a child with SN or an elderly parent who required a lot of care), especially if SAH meant having to make sacrifices like not having the option to send your kids to private.

This I don't understand. Personally, I think it is much harder to be a working mom when the kids are ES than when they are in daycare. Daycare worjs for working moms while ES assumes that parents can bend their work schedules at will the 3-6 time frame is the toughest. Also activities in ES can put parents over the edge...signed a full time working mom for over 10 years.

+1 - it may be cheaper to send them to public school vs daycare once they are K age, but if your child is involved in any activities or sports, it is really tough to work and stay involved and be there at drop off on bus and pick-up at 3pm. The after school program at my daughter's school is awful. Full of the worst kids running around with no structure. We did that one year and then I went down to PT, then to SAH. This allows me to get 3 kids her to soccer practice, Girl Scouts, basketball and have piano lessons that aren't after 6pm anymore. We tried looking for a college kid who could work 3-6pm for us but it never worked out.

Yep, but the sacrifices (handling the logistics) are well worth it to know that they're having a wonderful school experience. We looked at our "great" MoCo option and were quite unimpressed.

[Anonymous]

10:43 I'm not arguing with you. I'm 7:03 and I should have mentioned my kids are in private- but it's harder not easier once they start school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The one who wants private - has to show beyond a reasonable doubt - how it will be paid for without sacrifice from the spouse who wants public.

Here! Here! I told my SAHM wife that if the private option was so important to her she could go out and earn the additional money so that it would not derail my retirement plans. She back off on that faster than greased lightening. She didn't want the responsibility.

So glad I am not married to you

I'd marry him in a minute.Money doesn't grow on trees.

Let's meet?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I predict divorce within a few years. I see it happen all the time. You have no appreciation for a SAHM. Thankfully I don't have a husband who pulls out words like that "earn additional money" which is clearly your attempt to be controlling. And what guy says "here here"-again..yuck

Former members of the British a House of Commons?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work solely so we can send our kids to private school. It's totally worth it IMO. Unless you are extremely wealthy, I don't understand why anyone would SAH after the kids are school-aged unless there are special circumstances (like a child with SN or an elderly parent who required a lot of care), especially if SAH meant having to make sacrifices like not having the option to send your kids to private.

This I don't understand. Personally, I think it is much harder to be a working mom when the kids are ES than when they are in daycare. Daycare worjs for working moms while ES assumes that parents can bend their work schedules at will the 3-6 time frame is the toughest. Also activities in ES can put parents over the edge...signed a full time working mom for over 10 years.

+1 - it may be cheaper to send them to public school vs daycare once they are K age, but if your child is involved in any activities or sports, it is really tough to work and stay involved and be there at drop off on bus and pick-up at 3pm. The after school program at my daughter's school is awful. Full of the worst kids running around with no structure. We did that one year and then I went down to PT, then to SAH. This allows me to get 3 kids her to soccer practice, Girl Scouts, basketball and have piano lessons that aren't after 6pm anymore. We tried looking for a college kid who could work 3-6pm for us but it never worked out.

Yep, but the sacrifices (handling the logistics) are well worth it to know that they're having a wonderful school experience. We looked at our "great" MoCo option and were quite unimpressed.

I know - us too. We sent one thru MoCo until 5th and moved to private. Now we are doing a private for 1, a public for 1, and a half-day preschool for 1. My job is now chauffeur. The only other way I could work FT is a nanny who would eat my after tax money like no one's business. I now work 2 Saturdays a month. I will go back 30hrs once they all get (hopefully) in the same private.

[Anonymous]

Well I have three kids..two are in a private grade school (K & 7) and the other is at Prep. The major difference (in MOCO) in public versus private that I have found is the class size and connections. My older kids were at a MOCO public school and I found it very hard to have any conversations with teachers. At the private schools I normally get an immediate reply (phone or email). The connections out of Prep are incredible. We have met some awesome people.

[Anonymous]

Not saying that there is anything wrong with certain public schools. The private option is working for us

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well I have three kids..two are in a private grade school (K & 7) and the other is at Prep. The major difference (in MOCO) in public versus private that I have found is the class size and connections. My older kids were at a MOCO public school and I found it very hard to have any conversations with teachers. At the private schools I normally get an immediate reply (phone or email). The connections out of Prep are incredible. We have met some awesome people.

Connections for you, or for your kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have found small class sizes restrictive socially. If you only have 7-8 kids of each gender, you had better hope they get along or work well together. It also becomes hard to start teams or activities when there are too few kids to pull from. And as PP said, so much depends on the teacher, the personality of the class, the style of the school, etc. I have seen good teachers more than effectively teach 30 kids while less-apt teachers can't manage 15. You won't know until you get there but luckily around here you can easily hear from others about a school's pros and cons. Pick what works for your family on all levels.

I agree with this 100%. There is so much focus on "small class size" or "small schools" as if that automatically equates to better. I disagree. We enrolled my child in a school that had small classes and, yes, it was very restrictive. When your child looks around the room and doesn't click with the 8-9 other same gendered children, it is tough. When you are writing a really big check and this happens, it is even tougher. Sometimes a larger public school (assuming the academics are good), is simply better because it is a "big pond" and there are many more kids who your child could click with and enjoy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Easy OP. If you can afford private -- go private. If you can't ...go public. What is so hard about that. If you can't afford it, don't fret over it...that's not going to help your child.

Not the OP but another family struggling with this. We earn 500k-1mill and we are still undecided. I don't necessarily think all private schools are better just because they are private. DH specifically does not want our kids to only be around wealthy kids.

Most public school boundaries in MCPS cluster wealth so I am curious how your kids wouldn't be going to public school with other wealthy kids if you are living somewhere with the best public schools that 500k-1 mil could afford. I do agree though that private isn't better because it is private.

We live in a wealthy MoCo neighborhood. The wealthiest people still opt for private. Yes, you have a lot of wealth at MCPS schools, but it's certainly not like the wealth you see at privates.

Our experience has been different. Much more wealth at our MoCo public than at our private school. Public certain has a wider range of income that private school, but in our neighborhood, where everyone probably could afford private school, about 1/2-2/3rds go to public. We sent one to each and it had nothing to do with money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Easy OP. If you can afford private -- go private. If you can't ...go public. What is so hard about that. If you can't afford it, don't fret over it...that's not going to help your child.

Not the OP but another family struggling with this. We earn 500k-1mill and we are still undecided. I don't necessarily think all private schools are better just because they are private. DH specifically does not want our kids to only be around wealthy kids.

Most public school boundaries in MCPS cluster wealth so I am curious how your kids wouldn't be going to public school with other wealthy kids if you are living somewhere with the best public schools that 500k-1 mil could afford. I do agree though that private isn't better because it is private.

We live in a wealthy MoCo neighborhood. The wealthiest people still opt for private. Yes, you have a lot of wealth at MCPS schools, but it's certainly not like the wealth you see at privates.

Our experience has been different. Much more wealth at our MoCo public than at our private school. Public certain has a wider range of income that private school, but in our neighborhood, where everyone probably could afford private school, about 1/2-2/3rds go to public. We sent one to each and it had nothing to do with money.

You can buy a $900k to $1M house in the Whitman and BCC school districts on a household income if $250k -- we know, we looked into this recently. But you can't send two kids to private for $75k/year on the same income, or at least go private and still save for college and retirement. So yes, you will find many families in west MoCo school districts who are doing well and bought into the school districts, but who fall below the $350k income that DCUM thinks you need to afford private school.