Online Dating & sex

[Anonymous]

I was in the same boat as 10:21 ^

when I met someone online, we clicked, had the chemistry, and after the 1st time we slept with each other, I told her I don't concurrently date multiple women. we both took down our profiles and dated exclusively for 4-5 months before we ended things (due to her moving).

any guy that is serious about building a relationship will be upfront with a woman. what is head-scratching is how many woman still don't this and continuously look past the really good catches and end up getting stomped on over and over again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was in the same boat as 10:21 ^

when I met someone online, we clicked, had the chemistry, and after the 1st time we slept with each other, I told her I don't concurrently date multiple women. we both took down our profiles and dated exclusively for 4-5 months before we ended things (due to her moving).

any guy that is serious about building a relationship will be upfront with a woman. what is head-scratching is how many woman still don't this and continuously look past the really good catches and end up getting stomped on over and over again.

I don't agree, actions do not dictate intentions. By that assertion the OP is not serious at all because she is not being upfront with what she wants either...

Both people are doing the same actions, but their intentions might be completely different.

Honestly the OP sounds like a 16 year old girl, refusing to have a fundamental basic conversation about her needs and expectations and just doing whatever shes feels like in each moment, then want's to complain and judge his actions later.

OP, you set the bar for the standard of treatment you get, no one else. If you demand no clarity, only you are to blame when you have no clarity. This man you're sleeping with is not in the wrong, he is doing exactly what you are doing, having fun with no boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Lots of people doing online dating aren't looking for serious relationships. They are looking to date. I find actually very few guys choose the "I want a serious relationship" and most check the box for 'looking to date'.
Nothing wrong with that. As long as you aren't deliberately misleading someone / lying there is no obligation to want to be in a serious relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in the same boat as 10:21 ^

when I met someone online, we clicked, had the chemistry, and after the 1st time we slept with each other, I told her I don't concurrently date multiple women. we both took down our profiles and dated exclusively for 4-5 months before we ended things (due to her moving).

any guy that is serious about building a relationship will be upfront with a woman. what is head-scratching is how many woman still don't this and continuously look past the really good catches and end up getting stomped on over and over again.

I don't agree, actions do not dictate intentions. By that assertion the OP is not serious at all because she is not being upfront with what she wants either...

Both people are doing the same actions, but their intentions might be completely different.

Honestly the OP sounds like a 16 year old girl, refusing to have a fundamental basic conversation about her needs and expectations and just doing whatever shes feels like in each moment, then want's to complain and judge his actions later.

OP, you set the bar for the standard of treatment you get, no one else. If you demand no clarity, only you are to blame when you have no clarity. This man you're sleeping with is not in the wrong, he is doing exactly what you are doing, having fun with no boundaries.

you completely misread the PP's point - it was about a MAN's behavior.

what women do vs. what they want, there are umpteen number of threads and postings about that and there is still no common understanding or tips to figure it out.

and yes, both are involved and both seem to have very different intentions - she wants a monogamous relationship. he, at least from the posting, wants to play the field. so how do you square this other than having a conversation?

[Anonymous]

OP here -I didn't feel it appropriate to ask him to be in an exclusive relationship so soon, even though we had decided to have sex. I thought that after we had had sex and if we kept seeing each other, which we did, that seeing each other exclusively would come up naturally. Well, I was wrong. I asked him yesterday if he was seeing anyone else and I didn't really get a straight answer which I will take as he is. We talked briefly today and he was a bit distant. So, I'm assuming he's just in it for sex, which may or may not be a result of my decision not to have this talk prior to sex. If I'm viewed as a 16 year old as a PP commented, so be it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here -I didn't feel it appropriate to ask him to be in an exclusive relationship so soon, even though we had decided to have sex. I thought that after we had had sex and if we kept seeing each other, which we did, that seeing each other exclusively would come up naturally. Well, I was wrong. I asked him yesterday if he was seeing anyone else and I didn't really get a straight answer which I will take as he is. We talked briefly today and he was a bit distant. So, I'm assuming he's just in it for sex, which may or may not be a result of my decision not to have this talk prior to sex. If I'm viewed as a 16 year old as a PP commented, so be it.

Lets break down what was really said in this post.
"I didn't want to ask him questions that I want the answer to, so I just did it anyway.. And I hoped that he would bring it up afterward since I obviously don't want to. He didn't so I kind of brought it up, to which be kind of answered. He didn't give me a clear answer and I didn't push for a clear answer so I'm making up assumptions."

There is nothing wrong with having sex and doing whatever you wish with a person. But blaming someone else for your refusal to get answers is absurd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here -I didn't feel it appropriate to ask him to be in an exclusive relationship so soon, even though we had decided to have sex. I thought that after we had had sex and if we kept seeing each other, which we did, that seeing each other exclusively would come up naturally. Well, I was wrong. I asked him yesterday if he was seeing anyone else and I didn't really get a straight answer which I will take as he is. We talked briefly today and he was a bit distant. So, I'm assuming he's just in it for sex, which may or may not be a result of my decision not to have this talk prior to sex. If I'm viewed as a 16 year old as a PP commented, so be it.

But in your mind, sex = exclusivity. So you were comfortable enough to get naked, but not sufficiently comfortable to talk about exclusivity/expectations?

Huh?

[Anonymous]

Yeah OP, I'm not the one who said it but you do sound romantically stunted at age 16. Can't imagine why you didn't take my - or anyone else's - earlier advice, but maybe you will next time. Or maybe set up two or three therapy appointments to figure out why you'll sleep with someone you can't speak honestly to.