What happens in college? I'm constantly worried about DS' future

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It was this exact attitude that caused her to unsuccessful - that her success was entirely dependent on other people doing the right thing. She had a multiple of services and supports accessible to her and she was well connected to the department that provides support to students with disabilities. Her problem was that she externalized all responsibility for her success - just as you have - if only others had gotten her different/ better help then she would have been successful. The reality is that if only she had utilized the help and resources she had and looked at what she needed to do - she would have been successful. There will always be people who externalize all responsibility for their success on others and others who have a sense of agency and who work with those around them and the services they have to be successful. Given I was being accused of discrimination weekly by her whenever I didn't make her successful. By partway through the course I was not in a position to do anything to assist her other than , I wasn't even allowed to speak to her without a witness present.

the attitude you have that it was my responsibility and not hers to make her successful is not a good one for you to pass along to your son. Teach him to self-advocate and to have a sense of agency that he can be successful by his actions (and accessing what he needs) and that it isn't other people's responsibility to make sure he does well.

Your vision of kids with disabilities has obviously have been sullied by this one experience.

I understand teaching is not your main "responsibility" nor are you trained to teach it is publishing papers.

No it hasn't sullied my view of kids with disabilities - most of the kids with disabilities are great to work with and work really hard to be successful. I was just describing how I had two students last year with severe dyslexia and how their attitude made all the difference. One expected me to make her successful and the other expected herself to be successful with my support. You responded that it was my responsibility to make her successful and the reason she wasn't was because I didn't get her the right help - I disagreed with that.

And I don't even do research - I have a teaching position and am a trained teacher!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It was this exact attitude that caused her to unsuccessful - that her success was entirely dependent on other people doing the right thing. She had a multiple of services and supports accessible to her and she was well connected to the department that provides support to students with disabilities. Her problem was that she externalized all responsibility for her success - just as you have - if only others had gotten her different/ better help then she would have been successful. The reality is that if only she had utilized the help and resources she had and looked at what she needed to do - she would have been successful. There will always be people who externalize all responsibility for their success on others and others who have a sense of agency and who work with those around them and the services they have to be successful. Given I was being accused of discrimination weekly by her whenever I didn't make her successful. By partway through the course I was not in a position to do anything to assist her other than , I wasn't even allowed to speak to her without a witness present.

the attitude you have that it was my responsibility and not hers to make her successful is not a good one for you to pass along to your son. Teach him to self-advocate and to have a sense of agency that he can be successful by his actions (and accessing what he needs) and that it isn't other people's responsibility to make sure he does well.

Your vision of kids with disabilities has obviously have been sullied by this one experience.

I understand teaching is not your main "responsibility" nor are you trained to teach it is publishing papers.

I am one of the other college professors who answered on this thread. I am the PP who has had an overwhelmingly positive experience with students with learning differences and disabilities. But I want to say that I agree with what this other prof has written. A student's success--any student's success--will depend largely on the student's attitude, approach, determination, persistence, etc. I completely agree that students need to assume responsibility. Most colleges have good support systems and official readily help available, and it is entirely appropriate to use them. However, students also need need to be independent, organized and, especially, take charge of their own lives. In my experience, a great many do and that is why they are able to be so successful.

I now have a young child with severe ADHD so I know that imparting organizational skills or teaching kids to take responsibility or making kids independent are all tasks easier said than done. But, in the end, these will be the huge difference makers.

[Anonymous]

To the professor, if you ever have a student like that again, please give her some resourses to learn how to properly advocate for herself.

By the time the student reaches college, he or she should have already been taught how to advocate for herself. If not, you have failed her as a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It was this exact attitude that caused her to unsuccessful - that her success was entirely dependent on other people doing the right thing. She had a multiple of services and supports accessible to her and she was well connected to the department that provides support to students with disabilities. Her problem was that she externalized all responsibility for her success - just as you have - if only others had gotten her different/ better help then she would have been successful. The reality is that if only she had utilized the help and resources she had and looked at what she needed to do - she would have been successful. There will always be people who externalize all responsibility for their success on others and others who have a sense of agency and who work with those around them and the services they have to be successful. Given I was being accused of discrimination weekly by her whenever I didn't make her successful. By partway through the course I was not in a position to do anything to assist her other than , I wasn't even allowed to speak to her without a witness present.

the attitude you have that it was my responsibility and not hers to make her successful is not a good one for you to pass along to your son. Teach him to self-advocate and to have a sense of agency that he can be successful by his actions (and accessing what he needs) and that it isn't other people's responsibility to make sure he does well.

Your vision of kids with disabilities has obviously have been sullied by this one experience.

I understand teaching is not your main "responsibility" nor are you trained to teach it is publishing papers.

I am one of the other college professors who answered on this thread. I am the PP who has had an overwhelmingly positive experience with students with learning differences and disabilities. But I want to say that I agree with what this other prof has written. A student's success--any student's success--will depend largely on the student's attitude, approach, determination, persistence, etc. I completely agree that students need to assume responsibility. Most colleges have good support systems and official readily help available, and it is entirely appropriate to use them. However, students also need need to be independent, organized and, especially, take charge of their own lives. In my experience, a great many do and that is why they are able to be so successful.

I now have a young child with severe ADHD so I know that imparting organizational skills or teaching kids to take responsibility or making kids independent are all tasks easier said than done. But, in the end, these will be the huge difference makers.

So if you saw a student struggling, that was not given a benefit of learning how to properly advocate (but had made it this far) you would just give up on the student instead of pointing them in the right direction (because that is not your job and well you have had a bunch of other students that can advocate for themselves, then this student should). We have the benefit of being able to give our kids the resources needed to succeed but not everybody has had that opportunity.

There are resources at college to help these kids, why not point them in the right direction?

Don't you also agree that a successful teacher... any successful teacher will largely depend on attitude, approach, determination, persistence. How is your attitude toward this student, your approach, your determination, your persistence. Actually I don't see teachers having that very often but when you do itmakes a world of difference. I actually think this is why so many parents opt to homeschool, because it removes a huge barrier in learning, the teacher's attitude toward a student that look down on them and treats them as a problem.

Just because a teacher can actually be the problem does not mean that I am externalizing the problem. It is a factor and it is a factor that kids deal with every school year, LD or not. Some teachers are good and some just are not good and worse ssome are terrible.

LD kids are not any more a problem than a non-LD kid.

I always think of that quote teachers say, "If I have touched the life of 1 student I have helped change the world" (or something like that). I always thing "wow, 29 other kids ... wonder what they did today".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

To the professor, if you ever have a student like that again, please give her some resourses to learn how to properly advocate for herself.

By the time the student reaches college, he or she should have already been taught how to advocate for herself. If not, you have failed her as a parent.

Do you know how many kids out there have been failed as a parent. A huge amount. So what, it's really that hard to give a kid the number to the resourse office.

[Anonymous]

by a parent not as a parent

[Anonymous]

When I was in grad school, I earned extra money by proctoring exams for students who had additional needs- so maybe they needed more time or they needed the question read to them, etc. These sessions were always done outside of class in a separate building. Perhaps look into whether the colleges you're interested in offer similar services?

[Anonymous]

To the two (or more) professors posting. Thank you, you give me hope that DC will get a fair shot in college. That is all we ask for him. At every single IEP meeting we have had since 5th grade (he is now entering 9th), one of my stated long term goals is not to have to be DC's roommate in college. Part of it is getting DC up running and fluent on the available technologies and part of it is that he will be armed with the skills to be able to advocate for himself and the maturity to take responsibility for himself. Like a lot of parenting, the line between a helpful crutch and a learned helplessness crutch is constantly moving. It is a work in progress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To the two (or more) professors posting. Thank you, you give me hope that DC will get a fair shot in college. That is all we ask for him. At every single IEP meeting we have had since 5th grade (he is now entering 9th), one of my stated long term goals is not to have to be DC's roommate in college. Part of it is getting DC up running and fluent on the available technologies and part of it is that he will be armed with the skills to be able to advocate for himself and the maturity to take responsibility for himself. Like a lot of parenting, the line between a helpful crutch and a learned helplessness crutch is constantly moving. It is a work in progress.

Not college prof, but thanks! This brought a smile to my face. DH always jokingly wonders out loud if I will be moving to college with DS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It was this exact attitude that caused her to unsuccessful - that her success was entirely dependent on other people doing the right thing. She had a multiple of services and supports accessible to her and she was well connected to the department that provides support to students with disabilities. Her problem was that she externalized all responsibility for her success - just as you have - if only others had gotten her different/ better help then she would have been successful. The reality is that if only she had utilized the help and resources she had and looked at what she needed to do - she would have been successful. There will always be people who externalize all responsibility for their success on others and others who have a sense of agency and who work with those around them and the services they have to be successful. Given I was being accused of discrimination weekly by her whenever I didn't make her successful. By partway through the course I was not in a position to do anything to assist her other than , I wasn't even allowed to speak to her without a witness present.

the attitude you have that it was my responsibility and not hers to make her successful is not a good one for you to pass along to your son. Teach him to self-advocate and to have a sense of agency that he can be successful by his actions (and accessing what he needs) and that it isn't other people's responsibility to make sure he does well.

Your vision of kids with disabilities has obviously have been sullied by this one experience.

I understand teaching is not your main "responsibility" nor are you trained to teach it is publishing papers.

I am one of the other college professors who answered on this thread. I am the PP who has had an overwhelmingly positive experience with students with learning differences and disabilities. But I want to say that I agree with what this other prof has written. A student's success--any student's success--will depend largely on the student's attitude, approach, determination, persistence, etc. I completely agree that students need to assume responsibility. Most colleges have good support systems and official readily help available, and it is entirely appropriate to use them. However, students also need need to be independent, organized and, especially, take charge of their own lives. In my experience, a great many do and that is why they are able to be so successful.

I now have a young child with severe ADHD so I know that imparting organizational skills or teaching kids to take responsibility or making kids independent are all tasks easier said than done. But, in the end, these will be the huge difference makers.

So if you saw a student struggling, that was not given a benefit of learning how to properly advocate (but had made it this far) you would just give up on the student instead of pointing them in the right direction (because that is not your job and well you have had a bunch of other students that can advocate for themselves, then this student should). We have the benefit of being able to give our kids the resources needed to succeed but not everybody has had that opportunity.

There are resources at college to help these kids, why not point them in the right direction?

Don't you also agree that a successful teacher... any successful teacher will largely depend on attitude, approach, determination, persistence. How is your attitude toward this student, your approach, your determination, your persistence. Actually I don't see teachers having that very often but when you do itmakes a world of difference. I actually think this is why so many parents opt to homeschool, because it removes a huge barrier in learning, the teacher's attitude toward a student that look down on them and treats them as a problem.

Just because a teacher can actually be the problem does not mean that I am externalizing the problem. It is a factor and it is a factor that kids deal with every school year, LD or not. Some teachers are good and some just are not good and worse ssome are terrible.

LD kids are not any more a problem than a non-LD kid.

I always think of that quote teachers say, "If I have touched the life of 1 student I have helped change the world" (or something like that). I always thing "wow, 29 other kids ... wonder what they did today".

I think you are conflating two different answers and maybe assuming that some of the other answers are coming from one of us. I am sorry if by quoting the first PP I made the thread more confusing. Again, in my experience what you say is true: LD kids are not more of a problem. I am not going to make this thread about me but I will say that I absolutely love teaching and want to see all of my students succeed. Often the most gratifying successes are the most hard-fought.

In any case, of course the vast majority of professors and administrators would point students in the right direction. That is a pretty minimum standard. The point is that in order to succeed all students need something more than just to be aware of the resources available to help them, and that something needs to come from them.

[Anonymous]

Another college professor here.

I have worked with kids with all sorts of needs. Some have issues like ADHD, recently I had a surprise issue of a student with a chemo regimen.

The most important thing you can teach your child is what they need to ask for to be successful. I can present the material, and I can expend extra energy,and I can give them more time on tests.

In the real world, your child will be able to do anything he/she wants (within some reason, I'll never be an NBA star at 5'3".) if he or she can ask for the reasonable extra accomodations they need in a matter of fact way and be aware of how to behave in order to reach their full potential.

My job is to teach your child my subject, not how to advocate for themselves. But i can and do see many kids with different needs who succeed by being self-aware.

OP you are a great parent to think about this. I can tell your kids will do great. Everyone needs things, your child will just need to be able to ask for things if what he/she needs is a little different than what everyone else needs.

The PPs who have insulted the previous posters should consider that the teachers who respond here clearly take the time to care because they are spending their time on the SN forum. And if you don't like the idea that my primary job is to be a scholar who produces original research that creates the jobs of the future (I am an engineer) please feel free to send your child to a teaching college where professors do not do research.

[Anonymous]

Muggsy Bogues was 5'3".

[Anonymous]

Take comfort that there will be many more options for your child when he graduates from high school. The trades will be one, as mention, and are honorable professions. I find some SN kids like to cook so there is culinary school. Online options are there and will be vastly greater by the time he graduates. Finally, if you take the time you'll find there are many small quirky, eccentric, good colleges that might be a fit -- the college options compared to primary and secondary education will be several orders of magnitude greater in number, mainly because your child does not have to stay in this area anymore.

[Anonymous]

I went to college (and grad school) with a diagnosed LD. This was before IEPs. I attended 3 different schools during my undergrad days. The last university had an office for LD students and was the most supportive, which is why I stayed and graduated. I would look for a university with an office for disabled students. It demonstrates that the school takes LDs seriously and there is a structure of support.

I also agree that the student's attitude is critical for success. I never used my LD as an excuse. I have always viewed it as an additional challenge that *I* need to accommodate, not so much others. I picked majors that took my LD into consideration.

[Anonymous]

As the wife of a recently retired professor of engineering who is teachiing one course this fall to help out his very dysfunctional department, he over his 30+ year career has been more than happy to accommodate students,BUT it is up to the student to give him the paper work identifying the disability and accommodations to be made. What not to do happened this semester when a girl sent him a email telling him she needed extra time on exams etc. (which does mean extra work on the prof. part) AND "Oh she would not be in class on Monday because it was Labor Day!" Guess what it was a regular day for all the other college students .......so it did spark a very pointed email to the disabilities office about what students ought not to do.....And my husband says some of his most successful students have been community college transfers who really seemed much more mature and invested in their engineering studies.

And we are very unusual family in that we do have one with Down syndrome who lives with us and works in a college dining room. An older daughter, although a top perforer K-12, experienced mental health issues in college and later graduate school so from both low functioning and high functioning aspects, this professor was more than willing to be understanding, including cancer in the one with M.H. issues early in her work career. The point is that you have to tell the professor what your disability is and what accommodations you will need and go from there. My husband is more than understanding ....... and had one of the saddest yet positive cases this past fall of a junior engineering student coming to class in a wheel chair with his Mom every day. He has Muscular Dystrophy which will only get worse, and his Mom takes notes for him.

*****Relevance to this thread is that he started out at the local excellent community college in Virginia and transferred. And the idea of starting out local, living at home with the lower tuition rate and the flexibility of the community college is a route that many might consider now or in the future. One can often start to acquire community college credits now with dual enrollment in h igh school, start off slowly going year-round, do a blnd of working or volunteering and school, and also get any required course work in an area of weakness out of the way by being able to focus just on it

To give one hope, my closest friend has a son who bad Tourette's, ADHD and OCD. He got a high school diploma due to parent support, but never went on to school or couldold a job for long. He qualified for disability and Medicaid and more or less drifted for ab out 10 years which was too bad. BUT last year he started back to a community college and actually won college award for students in sociology this past spring with an award being presented to him at the awards ceremony!! His parents had never been to such a ceremony or either son. He is going part-time for credit and doing very well, gradually to increase the load to be able to handle a fulll schedule by the time tranfers.

Just to point out it is not always a straight path for one no matter the level of innate intelligence. For the OP with the young child, you really have no idea how your son will d as he matures and gains the skill to deal with the dyslexia. It is always good to try to help him find areas of his life where he can feel he is is doing well and can enjoy what he is doing be it in the arts, a sport, a group like scouting or church based, or volunteering.