Coping with silent treatment from mom?

[Anonymous]

OP you realize she is going to keep doing this because you keep apologizing. You should have just told her to leave "Mom, there is no point in you staying with us if it makes you so upset that you stop talking"--done. Or just explain to her that you are no longer going to coddle her emotionally stunted reactions to grown up problems. I don't know how people tolerate this crap,. Who cares if it your mom. That makes it worse she is disrespectful.

[Anonymous]

My mother used to try this on me until I had enough. One day, I packed her bags and told her literally to GTFO of my house. No problems after that.

[Anonymous]

This thread is from August 2013.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was a kid, my mother would give me the silent treatment for MONTHS! When I was 10, I got angry at her for some reason. She didn't speak to me from May - July. Talk about psychotic.

Honestly, I would treat her like a child. She certainly acts like one!

My husbands father gave him the silent treatment for like 4 years, from 10 to 14.

It really does leave permanent scars, this kind of bullshit.

Glad yours was over with quickly this time around, OP, but sorry you dealt with it as a kid. It sucks.

[Anonymous]

I'd say you were describing my own mother, but I'm an only child. Holy heck.

1) overdoes something
2) hurts self doing so
3) is called out on it
4) acts all emotionally hurt
5) pouts

Like my own mom, your mother probably has some deep down issues with changes getting older, and its easier to make you the bad guy than deal with her issues. Ask her about her other health, any issues shes having, stressors, etc.

Just be an adult. Even if the senior citizen wants to be a child..

[Anonymous]

wow. i guess i'm outnumbered. grown up DD sounds not nice, imo. The mom was trying to stay busy AND do something nice and helpful at the same time. DD sounded crazy rude and condescending to me. would you ever yell at another guest like that? (for no infractions by guest/mother, imo). and then the DD kept replying here, slamming the mom more. maybe all the apologies sounded a little trite, given how much you yelled at her. i don't think my mom is perfect. far from it, but i keep it to myself, out of respect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:wow. i guess i'm outnumbered. grown up DD sounds not nice, imo. The mom was trying to stay busy AND do something nice and helpful at the same time. DD sounded crazy rude and condescending to me. would you ever yell at another guest like that? (for no infractions by guest/mother, imo). and then the DD kept replying here, slamming the mom more. maybe all the apologies sounded a little trite, given how much you yelled at her. i don't think my mom is perfect. far from it, but i keep it to myself, out of respect.

Until you have walked in another person's shoes you should keep quiet on the subject. The OP said she did NOT yell at her mother.

Voicing her displeasure and concern is not being rude, far from it. At 73 she could have suffered a heart attack, heat stroke, blood pressure problems, ruptured an existing hernia, fallen/tripped broken a bone etc...BTW, breaking a hip in many cases is a death sentence for a senior citizen. And if she was alone and had suffered some health crisis she could have died.

And to add to this, if she did hurt herself it would cause a giant disruption to her daughter's life. Besides working, taking care of her household/family an injury or illness would cause more stress, financial hardships as well as a logistical nightmare as to the recuperation, feeding/grooming, dr. visits etc... for this stubborn old goat. IT IS A VERY FRUSTRATING POSITION TO BE IN!

Many older people lose their sense of judgment and need the help and guidance of their loved ones, it is not disrespectful to point this out, but rather a loving and necessary gesture on the part of her daughter.

The pain is palpable in this woman's posts. It does not feel good to have these interchanges with someone you love. It is rather sad to see this person progressively turn into a miserable soul. I miss the person my mother used to be. I mourn what our relationship once was and will sadly never be again. And the roles certainly do switch; the mother is now a stubborn child and the child, a reluctant and thankless caretaker and guardian.

Add to this the insidious and corrosive tactics of a passive aggressive personality and you have a recipe for a miserable existence, on both the part of the instigator as well for the victim of this abuse.

And until you have suffered through the CONSTANT AND HABITUAL, torture of dealing with a nasty, unreasonable, spiteful passive aggressive loved one your opinion is less than worthless.

[Anonymous]

So how's your relationship now, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Quote:- ( I am so sorry. Have you worked with a counsellor? )


(This is Alice UK)


No. I have not spoken to a counsellor, it would just cause arguments because I couldn't tell her WHY I needed to talk to a counsellor, and sneaking around to see one would put more stress on me. I am an emotional wreck (especially at times like this when I'm being ignored completely). I cried all last night, and have been in tears (privately) all day today. I can't even eat, I am so upset. I stay out of the way as much as possible - it's better than being treated like an invisible object. I did nothing wrong. I got accused of something I haven't even done. I am being ignored by mum, because all I did was TRY and defend myself.

Alice, your mother is NOT a nice person and she is NOT acting like a mother. You are nice to be there for your dad. But as far as your mother goes, see if you can just kind of go with the silent flow. Give up the idea that you should try to get her to talk to you or be nice to you. You need to mourn the mother you never had and never WILL have. She's sick, and she's not somebody you would choose to have in your life if you weren't related to her. She may be upset about your dad and unfairly taking that out on you as well.

Make sure you have time for positive things in your life (friends, a book club, going to a weekly matinee, biking, whatever). I hope you can find done detachment and peace in all this. Please keep us posted.

OP, glad your mom came around. My FIL is the king of being PA, and it's really a PIA!

[Anonymous]

I think we have the same mom. I am trying to remember that she is with us for only a short while longer (unless she lives to 100 out of spite) and I will only regret anything harsh that I say.

[Anonymous]

Another thought ~ the mother had no right to assume that her "help" was desirable. Maybe op didn't want the rocks moved. It's too bad that your Mom still thinks she knows best and is offended when her contribution is not fawned over. Now a friend, a peer they would never take it upon themselves to decide how your garden should look. Mothers of adult children should try to view themselves as peers and drop the role of Mother. imo.