Meeting with parents who took ex-DH side

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You must be a terrible mother. My mother doesn't like me as a person but even her narcissistic behind will give me credit for being a good mom.

Now you want to interefer with the relationship your kids have with their grandparents? That is their relationship. I hope they don't hate you when they get older. I like my mother about as much as she likes me but that is our issue. It has nothing to do with the relationship she has with my kids.

Huh? So because your mom thinks you are a good mom OPs mom would also think she was a good mom if it were in fact so. Sorry, I see no relevance whatsoever of your own mom in this story. On the other hand, since the judge gave 80% custody to OP despite her own parents testifying against her I am thinking OP must be a pretty good mom.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am sure there is more to the story than you say. That said, no need to fill paragraphs with your initial post. And if they were horrible to SIL as well, then well, you have your answer. No chance of anything good, ever.

I think you should dump your therapist if the therapist suggested you try to patch things up. Find one who realizes that you should not contact your parents ever again and that you should ignore their emails and threats. They can see your children through your ex. You might suggest that as the limit of your conversations and let them know that they should not contact you anymore.

And you should not speak ill of them, or at all of them. If your chidlren ask say we are not able to see them right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You must be a terrible mother. My mother doesn't like me as a person but even her narcissistic behind will give me credit for being a good mom.

Now you want to interefer with the relationship your kids have with their grandparents? That is their relationship. I hope they don't hate you when they get older. I like my mother about as much as she likes me but that is our issue. It has nothing to do with the relationship she has with my kids.

Wow, someone's having a trigger moment, this post pushed some unresolved childhood issue buttons. Way to project onto OP.

[Anonymous]

Parents or not, I would never want my children to have contact with people like them. Proceed at your own risk.

[Anonymous]

Agree with the suggestion to dump the shrink. This is a very bad advice that ignores very real practical dangers for you at the expense of some emotional satisfaction or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am sure there is more to the story than you say. That said, no need to fill paragraphs with your initial post. And if they were horrible to SIL as well, then well, you have your answer. No chance of anything good, ever.

I think you should dump your therapist if the therapist suggested you try to patch things up. Find one who realizes that you should not contact your parents ever again and that you should ignore their emails and threats. They can see your children through your ex. You might suggest that as the limit of your conversations and let them know that they should not contact you anymore.

And you should not speak ill of them, or at all of them. If your chidlren ask say we are not able to see them right now.

Honestly, OP, in this case, I don't think you should have any more of a relationship with them than you do with your ex a's parents nd should treat the relationship the same way you would treat the relationship with your ex-in-laws. If they want to see their grandkids, they can arrange it through your ex. If your kids bring them up, speak of them neutrally and minimally, the same way you'd speak of your ex-in-laws.

Your parents cheated on you with your ex-husband, basically. They are welcome to pursue a relationship with him. You owe them nothing at this point.

[Anonymous]

I would not engage with these people given the history that's been described.

[Anonymous]

That really sucks. Keep the SIL and keep away from your parents.

[Anonymous]

Seriously, fire your therapist.

[Anonymous]

Do what SIL did - MOVE. Move far, far away...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You must be a terrible mother. My mother doesn't like me as a person but even her narcissistic behind will give me credit for being a good mom.

Now you want to interefer with the relationship your kids have with their grandparents? That is their relationship. I hope they don't hate you when they get older. I like my mother about as much as she likes me but that is our issue. It has nothing to do with the relationship she has with my kids.

Wow, someone's having a trigger moment, this post pushed some unresolved childhood issue buttons. Way to project onto OP.

Not really. I am just more mature than you are. You can be a lousy parent and still be a decent grandparent. Her issues with her parents have nothing to do with the kids. She doesn't have to like them, forgive them, or anything else. But she can still say...do you want to come over and see the kids? Let them hang out on her turf and move on. Or everyone can go meet at the museum.

Kids will remember good memories with their grandparents.

Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You must be a terrible mother. My mother doesn't like me as a person but even her narcissistic behind will give me credit for being a good mom.

Now you want to interefer with the relationship your kids have with their grandparents? That is their relationship. I hope they don't hate you when they get older. I like my mother about as much as she likes me but that is our issue. It has nothing to do with the relationship she has with my kids.

Wow, someone's having a trigger moment, this post pushed some unresolved childhood issue buttons. Way to project onto OP.

Not really. I am just more mature than you are. You can be a lousy parent and still be a decent grandparent. Her issues with her parents have nothing to do with the kids. She doesn't have to like them, forgive them, or anything else. But she can still say...do you want to come over and see the kids? Let them hang out on her turf and move on. Or everyone can go meet at the museum.

Kids will remember good memories with their grandparents.

Grow up.

OPs parents are not merely "bad parents" - they tried to separate their grandchildren from their mother. So yeah, they are already extremely bad grandparents and no candy and amusement park rides is going to change that. Like ever. Not to mention that there is a real possibility of OP parents use any new opportunity to do what they have already tried to do. These people are proven to be dangerous to OPs family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You must be a terrible mother. My mother doesn't like me as a person but even her narcissistic behind will give me credit for being a good mom.

Now you want to interefer with the relationship your kids have with their grandparents? That is their relationship. I hope they don't hate you when they get older. I like my mother about as much as she likes me but that is our issue. It has nothing to do with the relationship she has with my kids.

Wow, someone's having a trigger moment, this post pushed some unresolved childhood issue buttons. Way to project onto OP.

Not really. I am just more mature than you are. You can be a lousy parent and still be a decent grandparent. Her issues with her parents have nothing to do with the kids. She doesn't have to like them, forgive them, or anything else. But she can still say...do you want to come over and see the kids? Let them hang out on her turf and move on. Or everyone can go meet at the museum.

Kids will remember good memories with their grandparents.

Grow up.

Mature? All you did was use your own totally irrelevant example to draw conclusions about someone else. If you were in fact mature, you would know that not all "bad parents" are the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You must be a terrible mother. My mother doesn't like me as a person but even her narcissistic behind will give me credit for being a good mom.

Now you want to interefer with the relationship your kids have with their grandparents? That is their relationship. I hope they don't hate you when they get older. I like my mother about as much as she likes me but that is our issue. It has nothing to do with the relationship she has with my kids.

Wow, someone's having a trigger moment, this post pushed some unresolved childhood issue buttons. Way to project onto OP.

Not really. I am just more mature than you are. You can be a lousy parent and still be a decent grandparent. Her issues with her parents have nothing to do with the kids. She doesn't have to like them, forgive them, or anything else. But she can still say...do you want to come over and see the kids? Let them hang out on her turf and move on. Or everyone can go meet at the museum.

Kids will remember good memories with their grandparents.

Grow up.

OPs parents are not merely "bad parents" - they tried to separate their grandchildren from their mother. So yeah, they are already extremely bad grandparents and no candy and amusement park rides is going to change that. Like ever. Not to mention that there is a real possibility of OP parents use any new opportunity to do what they have already tried to do. These people are proven to be dangerous to OPs family.

That's more or less my take on it - at least given the account that the OP has given. I can't imagine bringing my kids anywhere near those people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You must be a terrible mother. My mother doesn't like me as a person but even her narcissistic behind will give me credit for being a good mom.

Now you want to interefer with the relationship your kids have with their grandparents? That is their relationship. I hope they don't hate you when they get older. I like my mother about as much as she likes me but that is our issue. It has nothing to do with the relationship she has with my kids.

Wow, someone's having a trigger moment, this post pushed some unresolved childhood issue buttons. Way to project onto OP.

Not really. I am just more mature than you are. You can be a lousy parent and still be a decent grandparent. Her issues with her parents have nothing to do with the kids. She doesn't have to like them, forgive them, or anything else. But she can still say...do you want to come over and see the kids? Let them hang out on her turf and move on. Or everyone can go meet at the museum.

Kids will remember good memories with their grandparents.

Grow up.

Seriously? NP here and I can't believe your gall. The fact that you can't accept that someone else's situation might be different than yours and the OP's situation certainly sounds like it is speaks volumes about your immaturity. I feel sorry for your kids if they have such a narrow-minded mom.