Childless aunt wonders: should I stop giving gifts to my nieces/nephews?

[Anonymous]

I agree--I'd cut back the gifts to birthdays and Christmas only and gifts only to the birthday child. It's a shame that your siblings didn't have the manners to thank you or teach their kids to thank you for gifts. I'd give whatever you feel like, but agree that something like movie tickets may be better than "stuff" that the kids apparently don't appreciate.

[Anonymous]

Ten bucks in a card is perfect. Well done.

[Anonymous]

My brother never once acknowledged anything I sent him or his son for the past few years. Son is now three. I'm not sending anything else. I feel bad about it, but what's the point. He obviously doesn't appreciate receiving them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks. On birthdays, is it ok for me to only send gifts to the kids whose birthday it is?

Whaaaaaaaat? Why would you send anything to the other kids?

Op here. Because in one of the families one time when I gave presents to just the birthday boy, his older sibling (6) got really upset and accused me of not giving her a present for her birthday (which was not true, I had given her one, but it was a few weeks late since I brought it in person). Her parents seem to think that you should give a big gift to the birthday boy and small ones to the other kids to stave off jealousy.

I'm sorry, but these kids sound incredibly spoiled. First of all, the parents should have reprimanded the kid for even saying anything to you. Gifts are gifts -- not expectations, not dues, not requirements. A child needs to be taught that.

Agree! This poster said everything I was thinking, but too lazy to write!

I would scale back dramatically with the gifts. It's not that you should expect anything in return. It's that it's obvious these kids are spoiled, and you need to stop contributing to that.

And if you send a birthday gift, just send it to the birthday kid. If other kids complain when you see them, then you explain, "well, when it is your birthday, you will get a gift." And leave it at that. If the parents have an issue with that, then, personally, I would stop giving birthday gifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks. On birthdays, is it ok for me to only send gifts to the kids whose birthday it is?

Whaaaaaaaat? Why would you send anything to the other kids?

Op here. Because in one of the families one time when I gave presents to just the birthday boy, his older sibling (6) got really upset and accused me of not giving her a present for her birthday (which was not true, I had given her one, but it was a few weeks late since I brought it in person). Her parents seem to think that you should give a big gift to the birthday boy and small ones to the other kids to stave off jealousy.

Hell no. That is THE PARENTS problem for teaching this to their kids. Terrible.

The kids probably already have too many things, and they get more particular as they get older. I would get them gift cards to movie theaters, or to their favorite ice cream place or wherever they go with their friends (my teenage nieces like a particular frozen yogurt place that is really expensive). But my nieces are expected to pay for these things out of their allowance or from babysitting/after school jobs (a good thing), so they like these gift cards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ten bucks in a card is perfect. Well done.

+1

Seriously, what else does a small child need to buy him/herself before the age of 6 or 7? Take them to a candy store and let them really think about how they want to spend their money. Or give them a piggy bank for it and let the $10s build up over the years and teach them patience.

[Anonymous]

You could just donate to their college fund on their birthday - $50 each? And for Christmas, do some baking activity with them with the food as the "present."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No way. Gift only to the birthday kid. Cut down to birthday and maybe Christmas with cards for other occasions. I also agree with the experiences idea: movies, ice cream shop, afternoon tea, etc.

great advice. OP, you are going waaaaay overboard. But, since you set the bar so high, expect them to be pretty bad-natured about your scaling back to more reasonable gift-giving.

[Anonymous]

OP I am sure you are nothing like this, but I have a sister who isn't showering my kids with gifts. I did send thank you notes, but that never seemed to be enough. I got frequently asked about the kids playing with/wearing the gifts. I was asked for photos with the gift. It stopped feeling like a gift to us because thank you wasn't enough. Plus, if she got something too small we still thanked her, but when she requested a photo and there was no receipt to return and get the bigger size it got annoying.

We finally told her, her visits were the gift and we prefer that the children not be showered with material things (which were never the material things they wanted, but we didn't say that). She ignored that, kept giving gifts and then when we started only giving a verbal thank you she got in a tizzy.

My point with all this is giving should be a totally selfless act. It's annoying and shows poor manners when people don't send thank you notes, but it's not worth obsessing over. If you want to make sure you get things they want, ask for suggestions. If you expect thank you notes, don't give.

[Anonymous]

Oops..meant my sister showered my kids with gifts. Not sure why I put isn't.

[Anonymous]

Card with $10 for birthday & Christmas is totally fine! You sound like a nice aunt.

Once I started giving my nieces gift cards instead of presents, I would write on the card "have fun with this! Let me know what you spend it on!" and that more often elicited a thank you and follow up about the manner in which they enjoyed the gift. Before that I never got thank you notes, although one year when I missed my oldest niece's 12th birthday she wrote me her first letter ever, asking me if I
forgot her birthday. (My brother undoubtedly had his tacky hand in that!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I am sure you are nothing like this, but I have a sister who isn't showering my kids with gifts. I did send thank you notes, but that never seemed to be enough. I got frequently asked about the kids playing with/wearing the gifts. I was asked for photos with the gift. It stopped feeling like a gift to us because thank you wasn't enough. Plus, if she got something too small we still thanked her, but when she requested a photo and there was no receipt to return and get the bigger size it got annoying.

We finally told her, her visits were the gift and we prefer that the children not be showered with material things (which were never the material things they wanted, but we didn't say that). She ignored that, kept giving gifts and then when we started only giving a verbal thank you she got in a tizzy.

My point with all this is giving should be a totally selfless act. It's annoying and shows poor manners when people don't send thank you notes, but it's not worth obsessing over. If you want to make sure you get things they want, ask for suggestions. If you expect thank you notes, don't give.

Your sis sounds annoying. But there is a big difference between her behavior and expecting a thank you note or verbal thank you. If a gift comes in the mail, the giver doesn't even know if it was received if they never say thank you.

[Anonymous]

I am not OP, but an aunt to 4 nephews and one niece.
They are 10, 8, 6 and 3.

Is a $20 gift card plus a toy too much for a birthday present? I think so but my SIL (the kids mother disagrees). I never got gift cards until I was 16 yrs old!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ten bucks in a card is perfect. Well done.

I don't send money via U.S. mail.

[Anonymous]

http://www.amazon.com/Goops-How-Them-Timeless-Classics/dp/0486222330/ref=sr_1_4?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1377637511&sr=1-4&keywords=gelett+burgess

It sounds as though there are a lot of kids out there who could use this.