Childless aunt wonders: should I stop giving gifts to my nieces/nephews?

[Anonymous]

Experiences are better than gifts. Take them to a show, to the museum or zoo when you see them, instead of getting them gifts. They'll have fun times and memories with you, instead of more crap they don't want or need.

[Anonymous]

OP, I was the childless aunt and my shrink told me to stop with the gifts and I did. I never once thought about it, and funny, they paid more attention to me.

[Anonymous]

My mom sends the birthday child a present and the other child a token gift. It's a lovely touch.

[Anonymous]

If they can't say thank you then I'd stop and tell sibling why.

[Anonymous]

You never "owe" anyone a gift. It's a gift. You should send gifts if you like giving them things (small ones or cards if you can't afford big ones). Personally, I LOVE getting gifts for my nieces; its fun. It would probably be a good idea for you to consult with the parents about what they want/need. The kids should be writing thank you notes too. But I wouldn't let your giving gifts be dependent on their good manners; it sounds like they may not learn any at home.

[Anonymous]

Gift recipient here: Our children's aunt is a partner in a BigLaw firm -- Please, we do not need things you cannot bear to throw away, things from the Kohls 18 cent sale, Dollar store, yard sale. And by the way, they are in high school, not preschool. It is insulting and embarrassing. Please, just don't. Easier for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I am sure you are nothing like this, but I have a sister who isn't showering my kids with gifts. I did send thank you notes, but that never seemed to be enough. I got frequently asked about the kids playing with/wearing the gifts. I was asked for photos with the gift. It stopped feeling like a gift to us because thank you wasn't enough. Plus, if she got something too small we still thanked her, but when she requested a photo and there was no receipt to return and get the bigger size it got annoying.

We finally told her, her visits were the gift and we prefer that the children not be showered with material things (which were never the material things they wanted, but we didn't say that). She ignored that, kept giving gifts and then when we started only giving a verbal thank you she got in a tizzy.

My point with all this is giving should be a totally selfless act. It's annoying and shows poor manners when people don't send thank you notes, but it's not worth obsessing over. If you want to make sure you get things they want, ask for suggestions. If you expect thank you notes, don't give.

Oh, yes! I remember we would stick these crazy too small clothes on snap the pic and then go straight to donation. Yow, more work on Christmas!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here.
Brother and sister.
Sister did tell child that she should not have complained.
I do often ask for suggestions.
I think I may start sending cards with ten dollars bills for Xmas and bday, unless anyone thinks that is a bad idea. Do not live in area with them, unfortunately.

$10 is pathetic. Just don't bother then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I am not OP, but an aunt to 4 nephews and one niece.
They are 10, 8, 6 and 3.

Is a $20 gift card plus a toy too much for a birthday present? I think so but my SIL (the kids mother disagrees). I never got gift cards until I was 16 yrs old!

No, it's not too much.
I send 100 to each niece, nephew and godchild for Christmas and birthdays.

[Anonymous]

As a parent who has a childless sister-in-law, I can only state that, whatever you do, be consistent. The family history is somewhat complicated, but she clearly (and very expensively) favors one of our four over the other three.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here.
Brother and sister.
Sister did tell child that she should not have complained.
I do often ask for suggestions.
I think I may start sending cards with ten dollars bills for Xmas and bday, unless anyone thinks that is a bad idea. Do not live in area with them, unfortunately.

$10 is pathetic. Just don't bother then.

Other people don't know what your budget is - send what you can afford and what you want to, as long as you keep it even-steven for each of the kids. A gift given in love is never pathetic.

Also in that price range are movie tickets that don't expire - you can buy them bulk from cinema websites and give them each one for Christmas so they can all go out together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks. On birthdays, is it ok for me to only send gifts to the kids whose birthday it is?

Whaaaaaaaat? Why would you send anything to the other kids?

Op here. Because in one of the families one time when I gave presents to just the birthday boy, his older sibling (6) got really upset and accused me of not giving her a present for her birthday (which was not true, I had given her one, but it was a few weeks late since I brought it in person). Her parents seem to think that you should give a big gift to the birthday boy and small ones to the other kids to stave off jealousy.

Oh wow- that's just crazy! Kids have to learn that they don't get gifts when it's NOT their birthday. My gosh!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks. On birthdays, is it ok for me to only send gifts to the kids whose birthday it is?

Whaaaaaaaat? Why would you send anything to the other kids?

Op here. Because in one of the families one time when I gave presents to just the birthday boy, his older sibling (6) got really upset and accused me of not giving her a present for her birthday (which was not true, I had given her one, but it was a few weeks late since I brought it in person). Her parents seem to think that you should give a big gift to the birthday boy and small ones to the other kids to stave off jealousy.

I have a friend whose family did this. I love her but she acted very spoiled until she was 30. Her 40-year-old sister is still a brat.

[Anonymous]

Don't blame the kids for not writing thank you notes when it is obvious that their parents didn't teach them to do so. That said, I would cut back on the gifts and if you get no acknowledgment that a gift was received, call and ask.

[Anonymous]

Stop sending gifts. Your sister is trying to tell you they don't need or want these gifts so save your money. 50 years from now they won't remember the gifts, they will remember you. Better they remember you as an adoring aunt who they love seeing rather than the aunt bringing gifts that annoy mom and the aunt who has time to obsess over whether or not she got a thank you note.

Should they write thank you notes? Yes, but they don't so let it go. Be a loving aunt without material things. You can send cards on their birthdays with a very sweet note inside.