Teenager does not want job

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids know the rule: If you want to go to college, you have to pay for it.

Oldest worked her ass off at school and got a full ride to a good college, second worked 40hrs/week during summers starting 9th grade and had part time jobs during the school year and is paying essentially out of pocket + a few scholarships. Youngest one is currently a sophomore and relying on loans plus a little saved up over her high school career.

Our kids knew that they had to do the work to get jobs. Some parents can "hire" their kid at their own company, but we couldn't, and wouldn't. Some might see it as mean or bad parenting, but you have to realize that we won't be able to pay for their first house, or their wedding, or their graduate school. If we pay for their college, they never will learn to pull their own way. They will expect us to bail out their bad decisions. And if DD1 couldn't find a job over the summer and needed a bit more money, we would probably loan her a bit (with interest) as we know she is a hardworking adult who will pay us back.

I see parents paying for their kids to go to college, and it makes me sad. Those are kids who will never truly be independent. We could pay for college for our kids, but we decided that it was not our jobs.

I see kids whose parents don't pay for college and I feel really, really sorry for them. They are not getting as much out of the college experience as they could because they have to spend so much time working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids know the rule: If you want to go to college, you have to pay for it.

Oldest worked her ass off at school and got a full ride to a good college, second worked 40hrs/week during summers starting 9th grade and had part time jobs during the school year and is paying essentially out of pocket + a few scholarships. Youngest one is currently a sophomore and relying on loans plus a little saved up over her high school career.

Our kids knew that they had to do the work to get jobs. Some parents can "hire" their kid at their own company, but we couldn't, and wouldn't. Some might see it as mean or bad parenting, but you have to realize that we won't be able to pay for their first house, or their wedding, or their graduate school. If we pay for their college, they never will learn to pull their own way. They will expect us to bail out their bad decisions. And if DD1 couldn't find a job over the summer and needed a bit more money, we would probably loan her a bit (with interest) as we know she is a hardworking adult who will pay us back.

I see parents paying for their kids to go to college, and it makes me sad. Those are kids who will never truly be independent. We could pay for college for our kids, but we decided that it was not our jobs.

I see kids whose parents don't pay for college and I feel really, really sorry for them. They are not getting as much out of the college experience as they could because they have to spend so much time working.

Yeah, it should be my job to subsidize my kid's partying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids know the rule: If you want to go to college, you have to pay for it.

Oldest worked her ass off at school and got a full ride to a good college, second worked 40hrs/week during summers starting 9th grade and had part time jobs during the school year and is paying essentially out of pocket + a few scholarships. Youngest one is currently a sophomore and relying on loans plus a little saved up over her high school career.

Our kids knew that they had to do the work to get jobs. Some parents can "hire" their kid at their own company, but we couldn't, and wouldn't. Some might see it as mean or bad parenting, but you have to realize that we won't be able to pay for their first house, or their wedding, or their graduate school. If we pay for their college, they never will learn to pull their own way. They will expect us to bail out their bad decisions. And if DD1 couldn't find a job over the summer and needed a bit more money, we would probably loan her a bit (with interest) as we know she is a hardworking adult who will pay us back.

I see parents paying for their kids to go to college, and it makes me sad. Those are kids who will never truly be independent. We could pay for college for our kids, but we decided that it was not our jobs.

I see kids whose parents don't pay for college and I feel really, really sorry for them. They are not getting as much out of the college experience as they could because they have to spend so much time working.

Yeah, it should be my job to subsidize my kid's partying.

You are your own problem. If you don't have higher expectations for your kids than that, I feel sorry for them. I plan to help pay but my child will know that it will be contingent upon effort and outcome to a certain degree because we have high standards for him. Sounds like maybe you don't?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids know the rule: If you want to go to college, you have to pay for it.

Oldest worked her ass off at school and got a full ride to a good college, second worked 40hrs/week during summers starting 9th grade and had part time jobs during the school year and is paying essentially out of pocket + a few scholarships. Youngest one is currently a sophomore and relying on loans plus a little saved up over her high school career.

Our kids knew that they had to do the work to get jobs. Some parents can "hire" their kid at their own company, but we couldn't, and wouldn't. Some might see it as mean or bad parenting, but you have to realize that we won't be able to pay for their first house, or their wedding, or their graduate school. If we pay for their college, they never will learn to pull their own way. They will expect us to bail out their bad decisions. And if DD1 couldn't find a job over the summer and needed a bit more money, we would probably loan her a bit (with interest) as we know she is a hardworking adult who will pay us back.

I see parents paying for their kids to go to college, and it makes me sad. Those are kids who will never truly be independent. We could pay for college for our kids, but we decided that it was not our jobs.

I see kids whose parents don't pay for college and I feel really, really sorry for them. They are not getting as much out of the college experience as they could because they have to spend so much time working.

Yeah, it should be my job to subsidize my kid's partying.

You are your own problem. If you don't have higher expectations for your kids than that, I feel sorry for them. I plan to help pay but my child will know that it will be contingent upon effort and outcome to a certain degree because we have high standards for him. Sounds like maybe you don't?

+1. I have 2 kids in college. Sure they party some and I would expect them to. But they also get excellent grades, are active in student service organizations and have gotten some great internship and research (work study) opportunities that has resulted in some great pre-professional exposure. Stuff they could not do if they were pulling a few shifts at TGIFridays during the week. They both have some scholarships and grants but we pay a little more than half....and they are both pretty ambitious and independent. In my view, it is money well spent.

So I agree with PP. If you think that your kid's college experience boils down to partying then somebody's bar is too low.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the thoughts. Any suggestions on where to look for jobs?

[Anonymous]

I guess I should clarify. My problem is not paying for college- we have been saving since she was little and should have enough for her to go to a decent school. I just feel like at this age, kids start paying for their gas, etc. Am I way off base? Or do most parents pay for these things?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids know the rule: If you want to go to college, you have to pay for it.

Oldest worked her ass off at school and got a full ride to a good college, second worked 40hrs/week during summers starting 9th grade and had part time jobs during the school year and is paying essentially out of pocket + a few scholarships. Youngest one is currently a sophomore and relying on loans plus a little saved up over her high school career.

Our kids knew that they had to do the work to get jobs. Some parents can "hire" their kid at their own company, but we couldn't, and wouldn't. Some might see it as mean or bad parenting, but you have to realize that we won't be able to pay for their first house, or their wedding, or their graduate school. If we pay for their college, they never will learn to pull their own way. They will expect us to bail out their bad decisions. And if DD1 couldn't find a job over the summer and needed a bit more money, we would probably loan her a bit (with interest) as we know she is a hardworking adult who will pay us back.

I see parents paying for their kids to go to college, and it makes me sad. Those are kids who will never truly be independent. We could pay for college for our kids, but we decided that it was not our jobs.

You do what works for your family, but I think that you are making some dangerous generalizations. By itself, paying for a kid's education or helping them pay for it does not make them dependents who cannot take care of themselves. My job as a parent is to prepare my kids for the world as best I can and make them self sufficient. In this current job market, an undergrad degree is the basic entry level requirement. So I have no probelm paying the lion's share. What I do require is that they provide most of their own spending money, that they get good grades and that they have some skin in the game (either through scholarships or loans).

Nobody expects you to pay for their wedding or their first house - I would not pay for either of those myself. But I do not think that a college education is the same thing!

Agree completely. We will pay for DD's college. I am grateful that my parents paid for my undergrad. Then, I paid for law school myself by working full time and going to school at night. Boy, my parents' generosity sure turned me into a lazy-ass slacker, right?

[Anonymous]

I grew up in dc and it was hard to get a paying summer job. There are so many AU, gtown, umd, etc students that want them and can continue to work during school year.

[Anonymous]

Do you need her to work to make your household budget?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the thoughts. Any suggestions on where to look for jobs?

Where do you live.

Summer camps
Hostess at restaurants
Babysitting
Dog watching (vacationer need this)
Cut lawns (equal opportunity employment)
Do you have chores? I paid my son to power wash our deck

[Anonymous]

People are bashing the idea of working in a burger joint. Guess what? I worked in our college admissions office for work-study as an undergrad and I can promise you that a job at a burger joint looks just as good or better on a college app than volunteering at a hospital or in a museum. The only exception might be if your volunteer work were for a special project that had major leadership potential or a tangible product that was a sole endeavor of an extraordinary sort. But patents who think that they should shelter their gifted little Larla from getting her hands dirty with condiments in favor of a cushy volunteer gig are mistaken if they think that colleges dismiss service industry jobs.

We values commitment, growth, etc. so starting a job at 16 and getting promoted to assistant manager at 17 looked great. Taking on some kind of initiative or leadership is important, and it can be done in all kinds of jobs

As for the OP's question, I would say you are done finding clothes, gas, phone, and spending money. She'll find a way to make money right quick. And for those who claim it's too hard in a recession, bull. There are lawns to be mowed and kids to be watched. Get a job!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids know the rule: If you want to go to college, you have to pay for it.

Oldest worked her ass off at school and got a full ride to a good college, second worked 40hrs/week during summers starting 9th grade and had part time jobs during the school year and is paying essentially out of pocket + a few scholarships. Youngest one is currently a sophomore and relying on loans plus a little saved up over her high school career.

Our kids knew that they had to do the work to get jobs. Some parents can "hire" their kid at their own company, but we couldn't, and wouldn't. Some might see it as mean or bad parenting, but you have to realize that we won't be able to pay for their first house, or their wedding, or their graduate school. If we pay for their college, they never will learn to pull their own way. They will expect us to bail out their bad decisions. And if DD1 couldn't find a job over the summer and needed a bit more money, we would probably loan her a bit (with interest) as we know she is a hardworking adult who will pay us back.

I see parents paying for their kids to go to college, and it makes me sad. Those are kids who will never truly be independent. We could pay for college for our kids, but we decided that it was not our jobs.

That's a pretty narrow minded view. My parents paid for me to go to highly regarded private college, which enabled me to get a great job, and I haven't taken a dime from them since graduation. I am close with my parents but certainly not reliant on them in any way. I am, however, VERY grateful to not have crippling undergrad loans. That enabled me to take on modest loans to pay for grad school, which furthered my career even more. If I'd already had undergrad loans I don't think I would have taken on more. I am so, so grateful to my parents for paying for undergrad and I am planning (and saving) to do the same for my own kids.

[Anonymous]

I could see asking her to pay for phone and movie money, but I think parents who can afford to should clothe their underage kids. That's pretty basic

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I could see asking her to pay for phone and movie money, but I think parents who can afford to should clothe their underage kids. That's pretty basic

Most teenage girls want to be a lot more than "clothed." I don't think it's the parents' responsibility, or a good idea for the child, for the parent to buy all of the designer name brand crap teenagers want. If the child wants that stuff badly enough, a job is the perfect way to get it.

[Anonymous]

Cut off her phone, clothes,gas and entertainment money