When your daughter moves out and you will miss her...

[Anonymous]

I love this post because I never really had a mother. The father that was both parents to me died before I became a mother myself. I struggle every day with how to be a supportive mother.

OP, you are off to a great start. Your daughter, I am sure, appreciates you being there for her without breathing down her neck. I wish I knew how to do that. Keep up the good work.

[Anonymous]

Hello again, everyone!

I'm the OP of this old thread and thought it would be fun to come back and update everyone.

Oh, it was hard that day she and her boyfriend loaded up the U-Haul and drove away, and her room was empty and my heart was so sad.

But now I am happy to report that we have adjusted. We keep in touch a lot via daily texts, occasional emails and Skypes and phone calls.

To everyone who said our relationship would evolve into a more adult one, you were right. We always had a great relationship (though the 15-17 years were rocky), and now we still do but relate more as adult-to-adult.

But since she is still only 18, there are times when she reverts a little. Like this morning she texted me that she was on the bus on her way to campus and she saw someone that looked like me and it made her sad. She ended her text with, "I miss you, momma.". And last week she was in the grocery store and saw a display of items for a Mexican meal and texted me, "Momma, remember when this was my favorite meal you would cook? I miss that." The whole time she was growing up, I was always just "Mom", but now sometimes I am "Momma" to her.

I still sometimes miss having her around all the time, but now it has softened into more of a nostalgia rather than a breaking heart. It helps that I am so proud of how she is handling being a freshman, maintaining an apartment, and working a part-time job. I am proud that she is not partying it up, she is taking her classes very seriously, and she has not asked me for any money. (Although I do send her cards with money occasionally, but it's my own idea and she always makes sure to acknowledge them and thank me for them.)

Recently I visited her for four days and she was such a gracious hostess... one night I said that since she had cooked such a nice dinner for me that I would clean up the kitchen but she adamantly wouldn't hear of it.

So to any other mothers facing a child moving away to college in the near future, I can tell you that, at least for me, it has ended up being a positive experience.. so don't worry too much.

[Anonymous]

P.S. OP here one more time -- I realize that she's only actually been gone for about three months so my "update" may be a little premature, but I was sitting here drinking my coffee on the back porch and enjoying watching the birds at the birdfeeder and in such a good mood that I had to post.

[Anonymous]

OP what a wonderful thread, thank you so much! My DD is only 4 but I think about this whole process of letting go and it's hard. Nice to hear there's a silver lining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP what a wonderful thread, thank you so much! My DD is only 4 but I think about this whole process of letting go and it's hard. Nice to hear there's a silver lining.

Thanks, PP, that was kind of you. Since you already recognize that "letting go" starts early and is gradual, I bet you'll both do just fine.

[Anonymous]

Nice update, OP. She sounds like a mature young lady.
You did a great job!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nice update, OP. She sounds like a mature young lady.
You did a great job!

Thanks, PP... more mature than I was at that age!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nice update, OP. She sounds like a mature young lady.
You did a great job!

+1

[Anonymous]

This thread brought tears to my eyes. I'm glad you are getting through this rough period, OP. I hope I'll handle it as well when my DD goes to college in four years. I'm already dreading it! I actually tear up just thinking about it. But I know she'll miss me, as your DD misses you. That means you've established a good relationship with her, and that will sustain her. I never had that with my mother, who died when I was young. I always envy women who have good relationships with their mothers into their 50s and 60s or longer! I hope I'll still be around in my 90s, and able to support my daughter even then! Thanks for your update, OP!

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the update OP. Your daughter sounds just delightful and very mature for 18. Glad to hear you are surviving just fine.

[Anonymous]

OP, thanks for your wonderful update. It made me cry and pray really hard that I have a wonderful enduring relationship with my own daughters ( now only 3) and my 11 year old son. I have a very strained relationship with my mom and I have never been able to understand why. We're not estranged or anything like that and on the surface we appear close, but something has always been missing on my side, (because I know she will give her life for me) and it saddens me enormously that I am not the daughter she deserves- I just go through the motions. I think it is because she never allowed me to be an adult and still, at the grand old age of 48, doesn't. Not sure.
Anyway, whatever you did, you obviously did it right. All the very best in this new phase of your relationship. Perhaps, if you're that way inclined, you could start a blog to help other moms.