When your daughter moves out and you will miss her...

[Anonymous]

My daughter just graduated high school and will be moving away (two-hour drive) in a few weeks to start the next phase of her life.

She will be moving into an apartment with her boyfriend and starting college in the fall. (She had to move out this early to grab up one of the few vacant apartments, plus to try to get a job before the fall semester starts.)

We also have a younger son (will be a junior in high school this fall), so it won't exactly be an empty nest here. But my daughter and I have always been very close and I know I am going to miss her very much.

Any positive, up-beat advice for how to get over this hurdle? I know we will eventually adjust, but I'm feeling really blue about her room being empty and her being gone, and about how she won't be coming home every day and telling me about how things went at school and at work like she has been doing up until now.

[Anonymous]

Yes, my advice is don't worry - this won't last long. Had I been you, I would not have allowed a college freshman to move in with a boy. She should either be at home or in a dorm room with other girls. So your daughter will be back - relationships at her age rarely last very long.

[Anonymous]

I was involved in a relationship with someone at 18 and it's lasted 28 years and counting, and I am sure I am not the only one.

[Anonymous]

OP, the first year will be the hardest, and then you will find your rhythm. You will call her every week, and she will visit you on certain weekends, not just for the holidays. If she needs you, she is only 2 hours away!

I met my husband at 19, but I know this is the exception, not the rule. Don't criticize the boyfriend too much, your daughter might tend to stick to him. She will know anyway exactly how you feel about him. Just listen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was involved in a relationship with someone at 18 and it's lasted 28 years and counting, and I am sure I am not the only one.

Yes. It's because of people like you that I don't say "it NEVER lasts" and instead told OP that it "RARELY" lasts. What I said is correct. The majority of married people do NOT marry their high school sweethearts.

[Anonymous]

OP, you can do Facetime several times a week to see and talk with your DD. I text a lot with my kids and encourage them to send me pics and anything fun stuff they see on the net.

[jsteele]

Please stick to the topic at hand. If you have upbeat advice for the OP please share it. If you have strong feelings about who should or should not live with someone, please find another thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, my advice is don't worry - this won't last long. Had I been you, I would not have allowed a college freshman to move in with a boy. She should either be at home or in a dorm room with other girls. So your daughter will be back - relationships at her age rarely last very long.

Wow...

[Anonymous]

The OP did not ask advice about what to do about her child's living condition, she wants help in managing her own sadness about the separation. Please, unhappy puritans, stop your complaints. OP, it will get better.

[Anonymous]

Please encourage her to live in the dorms so that she can meet others, make friends, etc.

[Anonymous]

Keep in touch with her as often as possible.

At 18, yes, she is technically an adult but right now she is going off to play house, start school and find work to support herself. These tasks are super overwhleming even for older adults.

Do not let her fool you into believing she can handle it all herself. Watch carefully, intervene and provide assistance. Let her move back home if she needs to. Be ok with her dropping her class load if need be.

I was extremely indepedant at 18 bc I had to be and looking back now as much older adult I realize how much more difficult and isolating my first years of college were compared to friends who had loving and involved parents.
Having a boyfried I brought to college from home was a security blanket I needed for the first year bc I had no emotional support from my family and it really prevented me from being involved in school - both academic wise and socially.

[Anonymous]

OP, I feel your pain, and my daughter is just about to start high school. I don't know how I will be able to stand it when she goes off to college. I get sad when my daughter goes on a sleepover!

I know you'll adjust, and you'll get over your grief at her absence. You want her to grow up, don't you? This is what you've been working towards for the past 18 years! You'll have a new routine, and a different relationship with her -- on a different schedule as a PP has said.

It took my neighbor six months to adjust after her daugher, her only child, when to college. But she's fine now, emails and scypes and talks on the phone every few days with her daughter. It is painful now, but the pain will diminish. Your daughter is still here, growing and learning and moving into the next phase of her life. You should be proud of her, and proud of yourself for getting her to independence!

Good luck, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, my advice is don't worry - this won't last long. Had I been you, I would not have allowed a college freshman to move in with a boy. She should either be at home or in a dorm room with other girls. So your daughter will be back - relationships at her age rarely last very long.

LOL! How would you stop her?

[Anonymous]

Call her even if she doesn't call you (she will appreciate it, though she may be too busy learning how to be an adult to think to initiate a call). Trust me on this, it's what kept my mom and I super-close during college (and beyond) when things have gotten busy and stressful for me (college, marriage, kids, etc). It is nice to know she is always there for me, and that she is willing to be the one who reaches out (and know I don't mean to hurt her when I don't!).

[Anonymous]

OP, I experienced similar feelings when our oldest (a son) went off to college and again when our daughter went to college. When they were in elementary school, I remember wishing that they'd never grow up because we had such wonderful family times when they were little. After the initial sadness, I began to understand and appreciate the various stages of life that older friends had described to me. When a close, loving relationship has been established during the childhood years, I think you'll find that it endures and becomes even more special as they enter the adult years. You'll have even more opportunities for sharing all kinds of experiences together.