When your daughter moves out and you will miss her...

[Anonymous]

A warm hug to you. My dd is school aged now, but I think about the day that she moves away for college and it makes it very sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, my advice is don't worry - this won't last long. Had I been you, I would not have allowed a college freshman to move in with a boy. She should either be at home or in a dorm room with other girls. So your daughter will be back - relationships at her age rarely last very long.

LOL! How would you stop her?

LOL! Not pay for college?

OP it gets better. At first it seemed odd but after about 3 months it became normal. DD also was home for thanksgiving and an extended break at Christmas/January. Will your DD come home for breaks or has she permanently moved away? Why did she choose an apartment and not dorms?

[Anonymous]

OP here, and thanks so much for the encouragement/support, and the great advice! It's been very helpful.

I keep most of my "advice" to myself, unless specifically asked, and I never say anything negative about or to her boyfriend.

DD is just like I was at that age -- very hard-headed, independent, thinks she knows it all, etc. So I know better than to try to steer her away from some of the choices she is making. I've basically adopted the attitude that we need to give her the dignity of making (and hopefully learning from) her own mistakes.

Anyway, I am optimistic that we will emerge with a good relationship intact... it's just going to be a bumpy few years ahead.

[Anonymous]

Good job OP, my kids are over 21 and I agree about keeping advice to yourself. Unfortunately (more so with daughters IMO) when you try to give advice on living situations it tends to have the opposite effect! Keep the relationship positive and intact by letting her live her adult life and make those decisions/mistakes on her own.

[Anonymous]

A warm hug to you OP, and look forward to becoming a grandmother soon.

[Anonymous]

I miss my daughter terribly. She is doing whatbshe should be doing. She will need me again when she becomes a Mom!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, my advice is don't worry - this won't last long. Had I been you, I would not have allowed a college freshman to move in with a boy. She should either be at home or in a dorm room with other girls. So your daughter will be back - relationships at her age rarely last very long.

LOL! How would you stop her?

LOL! Not pay for college?

OP it gets better. At first it seemed odd but after about 3 months it became normal. DD also was home for thanksgiving and an extended break at Christmas/January. Will your DD come home for breaks or has she permanently moved away? Why did she choose an apartment and not dorms?

LOL! You sound like the kind of parent kids ditch as soon as they don't need you anymore. My parents tried to continue controlling me through college, using money and resources to manipulate me. Why don't you ask them how well that worked for them, because I haven't spoken to them since I was a sophomore in college.

[Anonymous]

OP, you will adjust, but you will grieve for a while. I have adjusted, but at the time, I was sure I would not. I am very close to my young adult daughters.

I think you are doing the right thing by not interfering with her living situation. (I would not have said that years ago, when my DD's were small, but now I see the wisdom of quiet, non-judegmental support for my young adults).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Yes, my advice is don't worry - this won't last long. Had I been you, I would not have allowed a college freshman to move in with a boy. She should either be at home or in a dorm room with other girls. So your daughter will be back - relationships at her age rarely last very long.


LOL! How would you stop her?


LOL! Not pay for college?

OP it gets better. At first it seemed odd but after about 3 months it became normal. DD also was home for thanksgiving and an extended break at Christmas/January. Will your DD come home for breaks or has she permanently moved away? Why did she choose an apartment and not dorms?


LOL! You sound like the kind of parent kids ditch as soon as they don't need you anymore. My parents tried to continue controlling me through college, using money and resources to manipulate me. Why don't you ask them how well that worked for them, because I haven't spoken to them since I was a sophomore in college.

You are modeling for your daughter the importance of family and their significance in life. Enjoy being in your parents shoes down the road--different causes/same results.

[Anonymous]

Invest your resources in your MARRIAGE.

[Anonymous]

OP== like some others here--I have only 1 kid. It does take awhile to adjust. Mine just graduated college and is moving 4 hours away--I wish she would be closer. It is a little tight at home since she is here for a few weeks before moving--I had forgotten how much more food we had to have in the house and had forgotten how much more wash--but at lest she does it--good luck!

Are you helping to pay for youe dd's college? She might not be easy for her to make new friends with bf at her side

[Anonymous]

In all honesty, I think this process of letting go is gradual and starts in pre school. Some phases are harder than others.
A few years back, we dropped one of our kids at sleep away camp. As soon as I was out of eyeshot, I started sobbing. The camp director came over to me, gave me a hug and said, " You're doing the right thing, Mom. It is your job to be out of a job". I often think of that moment. I hope this helps. It's not easy.

[Anonymous]

My mom and I have always been incredibly close and I didn't know until I became a mom at 26 that she was really sad when I moved 2 hrs away for college. She was so supportive and happy for me and I just wanted to make her proud.

I actually found our relationship develop in a different way. I really really valued her opinion during the college years when I was sharing an apartment with roommates. She always had good advice to share and speaking with her every other day was reassuring. It eventually drifted into hour long conversations 2-3 times a week.

I think as long as you're treating her like an adult and allowing her to make her own decisions (while offering your wisdom when asked) you all will continue to be close as always. I made a few decisions my mom didn't care for that made my life harder, but she treated me like an adult and I always felt like she was on my side. She also made it clear that I could always come home.

I am newly 30, fyi.

[Anonymous]

When I left home, my mom was pretty sad. I made sure my room was completely empty, and I think that was hard for her. But I suggested she turn my room into something just for her. She made it a computer/writing room. And she put a twin sized bed in there so I had somewhere to sleep when i came home. It made her feel happy to go in there and write or just sit. It really helped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom and I have always been incredibly close and I didn't know until I became a mom at 26 that she was really sad when I moved 2 hrs away for college. She was so supportive and happy for me and I just wanted to make her proud.

I actually found our relationship develop in a different way. I really really valued her opinion during the college years when I was sharing an apartment with roommates. She always had good advice to share and speaking with her every other day was reassuring. It eventually drifted into hour long conversations 2-3 times a week.

I think as long as you're treating her like an adult and allowing her to make her own decisions (while offering your wisdom when asked) you all will continue to be close as always. I made a few decisions my mom didn't care for that made my life harder, but she treated me like an adult and I always felt like she was on my side. She also made it clear that I could always come home.

I am newly 30, fyi.

I'm twice your age but could have written the same post and have tried to follow my mom's wonderful example with my own adult daughter. I think your suggestions are the key to a close, loving relationship for a lifetime.