when did we suddenly ALL have to attend EVERY sports game? pro's and con's of parent attendance

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Growing up, my parents came to my games when they could. Which was not that often. They had to work. But we spent TONS of time as a family at nite and on the weekends. I felt loved. Never felt neglected. And to tell you the truth: HAD NO EXPECTATION that they had to come.

When did this change?

I CERTAINLY see the pro's...

But what about the con's?

For example, I played soccer and volleyball for the love of the game. It was mine. It was for me. And my team. my soul sisters. I LOVED every minute of it. And when my parents could come visit my world, i was glad. But when they couldn't, I paid it no mind.

Are we taking the love of the game away from our kids by micromanaging and attending every game? Will my kid be the only one who doesn't have a parent at every game?

I'm with you, OP! I was not/am not a super athlete (more of an orchestra/dancer type), but ended up playing field hockey in middle school, soccer in high school, and then field hockey in college. I was always on the JV team and you know what, I LOVED it. No pressure to be awesome but all of the fun and benefits of athletics. My parents just dropped me off at practices and told me to have fun. I grew up in a time before "everyone was a winner" at games, so I learned what is like to get crushed at a game, but also how to grow from the experience.

My 3 year old DD seems more naturally athletic than I am, so I am thinking that she will me more first-string than I was, and I will be supportive of whatever sport she wants to be in. I'll be at a lot of games, but not all of them.

I think it's good to show her that she needs inner drive, determination, and practice, not exterior validation to play well. Plus, I think she'll remember the things we do together, do yoga and dance to zumba videos, more than me sitting on the sidelines during a game.

THIS! Agree totally, and was my experience as well...and I think my kids will remember the things we do together (hike, ski, etc..all at intermediate levels, noone is a super rockstar, but we are all out there together) than me sitting on the sidelines. I plan to explain this to my kids when they get older, get their input on it...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Growing up, my parents came to my games when they could. Which was not that often. They had to work. But we spent TONS of time as a family at nite and on the weekends. I felt loved. Never felt neglected. And to tell you the truth: HAD NO EXPECTATION that they had to come.

When did this change?

I CERTAINLY see the pro's...

But what about the con's?

For example, I played soccer and volleyball for the love of the game. It was mine. It was for me. And my team. my soul sisters. I LOVED every minute of it. And when my parents could come visit my world, i was glad. But when they couldn't, I paid it no mind.

Are we taking the love of the game away from our kids by micromanaging and attending every game? Will my kid be the only one who doesn't have a parent at every game?

I'm with you, OP! I was not/am not a super athlete (more of an orchestra/dancer type), but ended up playing field hockey in middle school, soccer in high school, and then field hockey in college. I was always on the JV team and you know what, I LOVED it. No pressure to be awesome but all of the fun and benefits of athletics. My parents just dropped me off at practices and told me to have fun. I grew up in a time before "everyone was a winner" at games, so I learned what is like to get crushed at a game, but also how to grow from the experience.

My 3 year old DD seems more naturally athletic than I am, so I am thinking that she will me more first-string than I was, and I will be supportive of whatever sport she wants to be in. I'll be at a lot of games, but not all of them.

I think it's good to show her that she needs inner drive, determination, and practice, not exterior validation to play well. Plus, I think she'll remember the things we do together, do yoga and dance to zumba videos, more than me sitting on the sidelines during a game.

Depends on the kid, which you may not know at 3. One of mine wants us at every event. She would also feel bad if she's the only one without a parent present. The other doesn't really care (although we go anyway).

And depends on the parent community. In HS sports I have noticed that some schools we play have almost no parents present, others have tons. And it varies by sport. Sports like Lacrosse, football, basketball and soccer tended to be big for parent spectators, cross country and track less so.

[Anonymous]

Growing up in this area (70s/80s) most parents were at the weekly games. Except my parents and it sucked.

One difference I notice, back when I was a kid carpools to practices were the norm and well organized but I don't see that now a days.

Feel free to not go OP - but it sucks to be the kid whose parents can't be bothered to show up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Takes up a lot of time. And I do not enjoy it that much. I like talking with the other parents, but it cuts the day in half. Doing less of it now that they are older.

Well it really is all about you isn't it.

Not this PP, but of course it isn't all about us parents. But neither is it all about the child. Family members have competing needs and I think families work best when everyone's needs are taken into account. That doesn't mean you don't sometimes go to that softball game your child is playing in even if you don't feel like it. Neither should it mean that you put all of your own interests and preferences on hold just because you are a parent.

+1

[Anonymous]

We have 3 kids in travel sports - elem school and middle school. One of us goes to their games. We carpool for practices but it is fun to go to the games. I do feel we are too much of their sports life. But coaches expect it and most if not all have a parent at the game.

Its sad when you go and see a parent go nuts during the game - that's when you really need to get a life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We try and make most of the games, but don't go to every game. People need to get a life.

Says one who probably has a nanny or kids were in daycare all the time?

[Anonymous]

my parents never attended my games and matches and i was happy for that. i think we come from a line of pete sampras' type parents. they rarely watched pete play as they would be too nervous.

i never liked having my parents at my matches from a young age as i felt undue pressure and i never go to my DCs matches for the same reasons.

However my parents worked with me 1 on 1 to hone and develop my skills outside of organized practice and i do the same to my children so they know i don't attend because i don't care.

it is just easier for all of us.

[Anonymous]

I go to most games, but don't feel at all guilty if I miss a few. Very odd that other people put so much emphasis on it.

[Anonymous]

It seems that expectations have increased, though when I was growing up, many years ago now, parents were certainly present on weekend games, less so right after school because they were working. I love going to games, and spend a lot of time doing it, and I just as much enjoy the time driving to and from with my kids (and sometimes avoid carpooling for that reason). I think kids generally enjoy the support too, and I enjoy spending time with many of the parents as well. It seems odd that parents would not go when they can, or that they would not enjoy sharing their time with the kids. But I will say to those parents who scream at kids, referees, umpires or other coaches and see the pre-HS teams as an avenue to college scholarships -- please stay away.

[Anonymous]

I wish parents attended every game to be supportive but based on several years of my own sideline experience at football, travel soccer and AAU basketball games, it feels more like a group of sideline parent coaching. There is so much intensity, in some cases desperation, in the air. There is a small group of us that remove ourselves as appropriate.

[Anonymous]

One of us takes turns going to the games so we can be there to support the kids. While I like seeing them play, it's a nice break when I'm the one not at the game. I basically like both you could say. Going and not going - mixing it up.

[Anonymous]

My ILs attend every sports game my kids have.

For this reason, kids games are no longer relaxing and fun for me. Think constant chitchat and time for my FIL to detail every aspect of his health. I can hardly watch the game and so I try to get out of at least one game. No mingling with other parents or ILs get angry and tell me I am rude.

[Anonymous]

My parents came to every game. My grandparents came to some. Even my college aged cousin came to one. Why wouldn't you want to go?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ILs attend every sports game my kids have.

For this reason, kids games are no longer relaxing and fun for me. Think constant chitchat and time for my FIL to detail every aspect of his health. I can hardly watch the game and so I try to get out of at least one game. No mingling with other parents or ILs get angry and tell me I am rude.

My parents come to many of my kids games and it can be burden as they are clueless. One time they came late and sat in the middle of the opposing team parents. I had to go in there and rescue them.

[Anonymous]

I work . I am a physician . I can’t make it to games during business hours but I will be there for my kid when I can. Does this make me a bad mom. It does for some but I know that my kids are well taken care of and loved and they are happy .. responsible, smart and successful and most importantly independent !