Boyfriend threw dirty shirt at my face in anger- not hurt but is this a red flag?

[Anonymous]

leave him and his dirty laundry. It will only get worse.

[Anonymous]

Run like the wind!

[Anonymous]

Coming from a guy, this indeed a red flag. If he wants to throw something at someone, he should throw something at one of his guy friends who could potentially whip his ass! If he can't communicate without getting violent, it will only get worse. I wouldn't ever in a million years throw anything at my wife and expect the same of her. There is no excuse for that and he definitely has the propensity to get a lot more violent in the future.

[Anonymous]

haven't read the whole thread but what was his explanation for doing this? No words or comment like "stop hassling me, dinner isn't for another 2 hours" or anything.
Did he say he was sorry? Is this uncharacteristic behavior or following a pattern?

[Anonymous]

Hope OP has already left the time bomb guy.

[Anonymous]

OP, as someone who ignored these signs and married someone who did stuff like this: GET OUT NOW.

Look, DH and I are still married, but only because of years of expensive anger management counseling and couples therapy. He now FINALLY has a handle on it after 10 years of marriage and help. 10 years! Do you want to waste 10 years fixing an abusive person, or do you want to marry someone who treats you right?

If it helps you gain clarity (possibly you had the same experiences?) I grew up with an emotionally abusive dad and so I was primed to marry an abusive person because I thought this behavior was normal enough to excuse it. It's not normal and it's not excusable and I know that now. Please benefit from my experience.

DH is a good person, but it has taken years of therapy for that good person to be present rather than the abuser. I love DH and DD (who is the reason I stayed and made things work and, I think, the reason DH worked so hard to overcome his issues) but if I had it to do over again, I would never have married him at all.

[Anonymous]

Wait a minute. Didn't you ask him to pass it to you?

I said, "if you pass it to me, I will soak it to get the stains out."

He then threw the tshirt at me, hitting me in the face with it pretty hard. It wasn't a poor aim or anything, as he was only five feet away.

So, he got pissed at you, you told him to pass you his shirt, he threw it at you and a fight ensued?

Maybe it wasn't right for him not to apologize, but you asked.him.to.throw.it.to.you. It would be completely different if you asked him to change, and he just took his shirt off and threw it at you. But you said to. It may have been a little harder than you would have liked, but he was irritated so he just threw it.

I see nothing wrong.

[Anonymous]

^ the way she wrote it though, the guy was prepared to go to a "nice restaurant" in jeans and a stained t-shirt. What kind of guy is this anyway?

[Anonymous]

I'd agree that this is a red flag and a major sign of disrespect. My DH has done a similar thing but only after major provocation and we've been together a long time. He never did it again. After 18 months of dating, I'd say he is someone with an anger problem who could easily flip out. I'd stay away and I agree with the person who said you should not break up in private. I'd be very careful. Read up on domestic violence, there's some crazy stats there, something like homicide by a partner being one of the main causes of death of women. It's no joke.

[Anonymous]

The refusal to apologize and the hygiene problems are the red flag IMO.

The shirt? He might have misfired, or he might have thought OP was 15 feet away instead of 5 feet away ... that could be legitimately explained away. OTOH, the refusal to apologize is something under his control, as is the hygiene.

I did something like that once (I threw a clothes hanger on the bed in annoyance/anger and it bounced off onto DW's side of the room but the other corner) but I was apologizing the moment it landed on the floor.