Boyfriend threw dirty shirt at my face in anger- not hurt but is this a red flag?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op again.... And he's gotten better....

A big red flag. They always get better before they smack you down even harder. Don't come crying to us when you're black and blue. You have been warned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's a big deal. He probably didn't think a shirt would hurt. It's. I like he wrapped a rock in it. He made a mistake.

Oh, that's for sure, but the question is whether this guy has something lurking inside him that's going to explode later--you know, if she's with him for a half century or so.

OP, please get out. Now. Immediately. You're not married. You don't have kids. And you've already established a dynamic where he refuses to grow up, you act like his mom, he resents you for it, and then he acts in a violent way toward you. This is not a good trajectory. This is a very, very bad trajectory.

Also, and I mean this seriously: dont't dump him in a private place. Do it over the phone, or in a quiet part of a public place. Yes, it was a shirt, but he angrly threw it directly at your face. Intentionally. You do not want to tell this guy he's lost access to your lady parts in a place where he feels he's secluded from public view.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op again.... And he's gotten better....

A big red flag. They always get better before they smack you down even harder. Don't come crying to us when you're black and blue. You have been warned.

Can we try to help this poster out without disparaging victims of domestic violence? Please?

[Anonymous]

It's a huge red flag, not just the throwing of the shirt, but not apologizing immediately, which would have indicated it was accidental or he meant it playfully. It will escalate. You need to leave.

[Anonymous]

I'm going to go in a different direction: Are you an incessant nag? Do you drive him insane with these types of last minute changes? Are you constantly criticizing him (or what he is wearing, etc)? Are you passive-aggressive until you get your own way all the time?

Take a step back and look in the mirror.

[Anonymous]

OP, I guess I would view this incident in a larger context before deciding what it means. But I'd definitely have a serious talk with him about the shirt throwing, how it made you feel, and that this type of behavior is a deal breaker and unacceptable.

If this is an isolated type of occurence, meaning he's never been angry in a physical or violent way with you or others, then I'd be more inclined to wait and see. On the other hand, if this isn't the first time I'd ask myself why I'm staying in a relationship with someone who cannot control his temper and doesn't respect me enough to keep me safe.

[Anonymous]

Never marry a guy that's 'moody.' There's no need to be moody. It's an excuse.

You don't have to leave him right away, but just know that it's probably not going to get better.

[Anonymous]

Is he depressed? The inattention to hygiene could be a symptom. The moodiness, too. Do you live together?

[Anonymous]

OP, you have to consider that he is "getting better" because you are asking him to, vs him actually wanting to. This kind of behavior change rarely lasts. It's kind of like going on a diet. Is he ready to make some life style changes or is he just appeasing you for a few months? Only time will tell but the shirt throwing incident does not bode well.

I think it's risky to take a wait and see approach, but it won't only be that much more difficult to untangle yourself from the relationship.

That being said, are you willing to settle? Are you willing to work HARD on this with the possibility that he will not reciprocate? Are you an older woman who wants to get married or have children? These are important questions to consider. If I were in your shoes, I would leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you have to consider that he is "getting better" because you are asking him to, vs him actually wanting to. This kind of behavior change rarely lasts. It's kind of like going on a diet. Is he ready to make some life style changes or is he just appeasing you for a few months? Only time will tell but the shirt throwing incident does not bode well.

I think it's risky to take a wait and see approach, but it won't only be that much more difficult to untangle yourself from the relationship.

That being said, are you willing to settle? Are you willing to work HARD on this with the possibility that he will not reciprocate? Are you an older woman who wants to get married or have children? These are important questions to consider. If I were in your shoes, I would leave.

pp here , meant to say it will only become that much more difficult if you take a wait and see approach.

[Anonymous]

Bad chemistry at least. Use 2 forms of BC til you figure this out for yourselves.

[Anonymous]

a moody/irritable person who wears t-shirts to a nice restaurant is a red flag imo (and I'm a bit of a casual guy, even a slob, my DW would say, but I never wear a t-shirt -- even a nice one -- to a nice restaurant).

[Anonymous]

OP, He has not gotten better in dealing with h issues. He is just pretending for your benefit. If you stay with him a sexless marriage is in your future. His refusal to apologize immediately is the biggest red flag. If it was an honest mistake but you were nonetheless harmed you should not have had to twist his arm for a sorry. You need to leave him. A relationship, esp during courting, is a power struggle. He is winning. The pattern will continue.

[Anonymous]

I don't know how old you two are, but the body odor/hygine isses would have been enough of a red flag for me, assuming you both are adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know how old you two are, but the body odor/hygine isses would have been enough of a red flag for me, assuming you both are adults.

+1. I think it's so strange to date someone whose hygiene you think needs changing. Whether you're being too picky or he's actually gross, it seems like it's a dealbreaker either way.