DH lies all the time about money -- WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a winner. He just thinks hold onto cash. Returned the money to account, ie, never took it out. Forgot to pay the lease. Not a tool, but I question his mental status. Wants to "play" with our savings by selling the house. I am having trouble sleeping at night. I am handicapped and was very ill that day, so he went by himself to the dealer and returned with the car after much discussion of how to pay for it. If half baked = mental you are getting the picture. Or something else is going on.

OP,

As a DH who handles our homes finances - I do sometimes do things without telling DW - like for instance, jack up her 401K contribution to pull forward the maximum in order to time a bigger paycheck with Christmas or paying off one of the car loans but not the other - but its always the "smart" thing to do, and 90% of the time I bring it up before I do it. Under no circumstance would we discuss it, agree to something and then I'd go and do something else. My honest opinion here - and I hate to say it because I think everyone jumps to these conclusions every time and they are most often unwarranted ... but in this case, I have to believe he's squirreling your cash away for something else. A divorce, a secret account. Something. Either that or he's just a very poor communicator and financial planner. I can think of no other reason to lease a car after being handed a check sufficient to cover the cost of the car. Do you know how much money he has saved up? What happened to the $50 some odd thousand that wouldnt have been used to lease? Is it in an account? Do you have a good financial picture? I think it sounds like no across the board. Maybe he has debts. Maybe he's just saving it all in accounts you dont know about. I dont know but for the first time ever on DCUM, I'll go out on a limb and say some slimy shit is going on here.

[Anonymous]

PP nailed it. And if you have money in savings, why the hell are creditors calling because of nonpayment. Something is not right with this picture.

[Anonymous]

I just find it hard to believe that this is the first time in a long marriage that he has acted like this. I can't imagine all these years he's consulted on big financial decisions then just stopped unless he has a mental problem that is developing (I'm dead serious here).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a winner. He just thinks hold onto cash. Returned the money to account, ie, never took it out. Forgot to pay the lease. Not a tool, but I question his mental status. Wants to "play" with our savings by selling the house. I am having trouble sleeping at night. I am handicapped and was very ill that day, so he went by himself to the dealer and returned with the car after much discussion of how to pay for it. If half baked = mental you are getting the picture. Or something else is going on.

OP,

As a DH who handles our homes finances - I do sometimes do things without telling DW - like for instance, jack up her 401K contribution to pull forward the maximum in order to time a bigger paycheck with Christmas or paying off one of the car loans but not the other - but its always the "smart" thing to do, and 90% of the time I bring it up before I do it. Under no circumstance would we discuss it, agree to something and then I'd go and do something else. My honest opinion here - and I hate to say it because I think everyone jumps to these conclusions every time and they are most often unwarranted ... but in this case, I have to believe he's squirreling your cash away for something else. A divorce, a secret account. Something. Either that or he's just a very poor communicator and financial planner. I can think of no other reason to lease a car after being handed a check sufficient to cover the cost of the car. Do you know how much money he has saved up? What happened to the $50 some odd thousand that wouldnt have been used to lease? Is it in an account? Do you have a good financial picture? I think it sounds like no across the board. Maybe he has debts. Maybe he's just saving it all in accounts you dont know about. I dont know but for the first time ever on DCUM, I'll go out on a limb and say some slimy shit is going on here.

This. Plus the fact that he wants to sell the house, which I am assuming is a joint asset? Maybe it's time you talked with someone (like an attorney) to protect your interests.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just find it hard to believe that this is the first time in a long marriage that he has acted like this. I can't imagine all these years he's consulted on big financial decisions then just stopped unless he has a mental problem that is developing (I'm dead serious here).

OP here: That is what I am thinking, actually. Or there is some job related panic. IT is NOT like him to do this? Or is it? They say the wife is the last to know... He does have some crazy ideas but usually they are just ideas...maybe I just do not understand.

[Anonymous]

The cash is still there.

[Anonymous]

But think about it. If there is that much cash lying around, what about everything else. It is not that much around here. Living here, sometimes I think the amount of money needed is so large...millions to live comfortably.

[Anonymous]

OP you're being very vague. So, did 17:13 nail it? Did your husband actually take the $60K you gave him? I'm very confused.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you're being very vague. So, did 17:13 nail it? Did your husband actually take the $60K you gave him? I'm very confused.

Maybe she asked for the $60K car as a gift, but did not know she has to pay for herself.

[Anonymous]

OP : There is no reason to be nasty. I have no problem paying for the car.... Pretty much a standard price for a mid lux car . It is the circumstance that bothers me. I thank all Of the pps who said something fishy wrong. So hurtful and confusing.