How to turn down a Big 3 school I took up a lot of time with...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an admissions director. We understand completely why this kind of thing happens. For me, a very short note that just says that you are declining, and going to school X instead is best. It means I can extract the information I need from the note in the least amount of time. I certainly wouldn't hold this against you, even if you apply later with another child. However, a long note full of details that I just don't care about, that takes up my time, I would hold against you

I'm one of the (many) PPs who suggested a short and prompt note, so I'm in agreement with you, and I know you were trying to be funny, but I really hope you're not an AD at my kids' school -- one that is frequently--and deservedly -- trashed on this board for its thoroughly unpleasant admissions process. This attitude makes the entire school community (or at least all the adults involved in it) look like a bunch of jerks.

15:30 - I'm going to guess either Sidwell or Potomac...

[Anonymous]

I really hope PP is not a legitimate AD or he/she should really find a new line of work. FOR SHAME.

[Anonymous]

Sidwell, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sidwell, right?

Do you really think s/he's going to say?

[Anonymous]

Not the AD, the parent. Not trying to out Anyone here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I took up a lot of time at a Big 3. Legitimately so, as we were torn between two school. Its time to turn them down as our diligence is complete and we are going with the other school.

How do you turn down politely?

I also inferred early on that if accepted, we would likely attend. But in the course of our diligence, our DS and his mother changed their mind. Honest mistake. Please advise.

Please dont flame for that. It was true at the time.

OP, it is likely that when you began to " take up a lot of your time with your deligence" they began to cringe and regard you as a potential PITA. Likely, there is soem other quality about you that they value ( or need, like your $$$$$ or diversity) so they stomached you. Your turning them down will just allow them the sigh of relief that they dodged a bullet.

You can't have it both ways, you either wrote a 1st choice letter or made statements that were, in fact, not a pledge you really meant to honor. You now want public forgiveness for that on this forum, when it is not us, but the school that you made a promise to that you will now break. Face them, not us.

Lastly, do it quickly ( as in Monday) so that a deserving family/child can be offered your spot. Its the right thing to do. This is not about you, any longer, but you knew that right ?

Of course, you knew that. You meant to write and ask how soon should you turn down and accept offer to help out a WL family, right.

PP, do you work at a school in the Admissions Office? Don't take it so personally.

[Anonymous]

It is probably some parent trying to move parents to decline as quickly as possible in hopes it will free up a spot for their waitlisted child or free up some FA money to help their kid attend X school. This time of year you see it all!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really hope PP is not a legitimate AD or he/she should really find a new line of work. FOR SHAME.

Lighten up, people. The anon AD clearly was kidding.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like jealousy from a lot of respondents. Ignore them, OP. As others said, send a brief concise note immediately, so someone else can take the coveted slot.

"Why do people give these schools such power? It's just a school."

Amen to that.

[Anonymous]

AD was funny and right.

Get real: (a) this is not hard and (b) while the school would clearly be happy to have your kid, they're not going to be upset if your kid goes somewhere else. Tell them what they need to know promptly, succinctly, and politely, then move on.

[Anonymous]

I think a quick and firm note by email is best. You can write a letter of gratitude later. But right now, time is of the essense, so the sooner , the better.

[Anonymous]

I work in an Admission Office and would very much appreciate learning of your decision as soon as possible and a follow up letter of any length. Remember that the relationship you feel is a two way street. We become quite attached to the families that we meet throughout the process and the outcomes are emotional on our end, as well. Just be respectful and polite and honest about your feelings. Thank you!

[Anonymous]

I know for a fact that people from admissions offices monitor this forum on a regular basis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know for a fact that people from admissions offices monitor this forum on a regular basis.

Yup. The one right above you makes two admissions officers on this thread alone.

My question is, are they the ones who are always posting things like, "go ahead and apply to Sidwell/School XYZ, normal kids get in all the time!"

[Anonymous]

We looked closely at Sidwell years ago and were very impressed, but Holton and Landon were the first choice for DD and DS coming out of PDS ( different years), so when we let Sidwell know as soon as we heard from the first choice schools. I think Sidwell somehow managed to deal with the loss of our DC. We made the right choice for our children and Sidwell knows that it is not the right choice for every student that can be admitted. Parents should be trusted to know what's best for their kids.