How to turn down a Big 3 school I took up a lot of time with...

[Anonymous]

Honestly I took up a lot of time at a Big 3. Legitimately so, as we were torn between two school. Its time to turn them down as our diligence is complete and we are going with the other school.

How do you turn down politely?

I also inferred early on that if accepted, we would likely attend. But in the course of our diligence, our DS and his mother changed their mind. Honest mistake. Please advise.

Please dont flame for that. It was true at the time.

[Anonymous]

Dear school,

Our child has been accepted at a school that we believe is a better fit. Thank you for your time.

Xoxo,

Larla Dcumer

[Anonymous]

Believe me, admissions staffers have seen it before. Just write a short note of thanks and do it soon. The admissions staff, as well as the families on the wait list will appreciate your promptness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Believe me, admissions staffers have seen it before. Just write a short note of thanks and do it soon. The admissions staff, as well as the families on the wait list will appreciate your promptness.

Agreed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I took up a lot of time at a Big 3. Legitimately so, as we were torn between two school. Its time to turn them down as our diligence is complete and we are going with the other school.

How do you turn down politely?

I also inferred early on that if accepted, we would likely attend. But in the course of our diligence, our DS and his mother changed their mind. Honest mistake. Please advise.

Please dont flame for that. It was true at the time.

OP, it is likely that when you began to " take up a lot of your time with your deligence" they began to cringe and regard you as a potential PITA. Likely, there is soem other quality about you that they value ( or need, like your $$$$$ or diversity) so they stomached you. Your turning them down will just allow them the sigh of relief that they dodged a bullet.

You can't have it both ways, you either wrote a 1st choice letter or made statements that were, in fact, not a pledge you really meant to honor. You now want public forgiveness for that on this forum, when it is not us, but the school that you made a promise to that you will now break. Face them, not us.

Lastly, do it quickly ( as in Monday) so that a deserving family/child can be offered your spot. Its the right thing to do. This is not about you, any longer, but you knew that right ?

Of course, you knew that. You meant to write and ask how soon should you turn down and accept offer to help out a WL family, right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I took up a lot of time at a Big 3. Legitimately so, as we were torn between two school. Its time to turn them down as our diligence is complete and we are going with the other school.

How do you turn down politely?

I also inferred early on that if accepted, we would likely attend. But in the course of our diligence, our DS and his mother changed their mind. Honest mistake. Please advise.

Please dont flame for that. It was true at the time.

Polite note, they're cool with it, they all know they won't get 100% yield. (They will remember if you have another child, probably, but that happens with every turndown of a big 3 when there are younger kids, and they do realize that different kids in the same family may choose different schools.)

[Anonymous]

I did not send notes but called the ADs where we turned down slots. If you took up much time, you might want to call. OTOH, maybe the ADs prefer notes or emails. It just seemed proper for me to call to say thank you. PP is right that they do not expect 100% yield.

[Anonymous]

I don't really get why this is a big deal? Is it a humble-brag?

People apply. People get in and give up spots. It's just the name of the game. I have a hard time believing you were truly unreasonable, so it just is what it is.

It's one thing to be polite, but unless the AD's spouse is your boss or something, how in the world is that a big deal and how does it implicate you? Just send a polite note and call it a day!

[Anonymous]

Dear School,

After much thought, we have decided to send Larla to Other. We would like to thank you for all the time you spent with us, specifically Darla and Karla, for always promptly returning phone calls.

Thank you again,

[Anonymous]

OP.

Just write a heartfelt note and tell them it was a difficult choice. This is what waitlists are for -- if they even go to the waitlist. For all you know this is good news, because sometimes too many students accept.

Why do people give these schools such power? It's just a school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I took up a lot of time at a Big 3. Legitimately so, as we were torn between two school. Its time to turn them down as our diligence is complete and we are going with the other school.

How do you turn down politely?

I also inferred early on that if accepted, we would likely attend. But in the course of our diligence, our DS and his mother changed their mind. Honest mistake. Please advise.

Please dont flame for that. It was true at the time.

OP, it is likely that when you began to " take up a lot of your time with your deligence" they began to cringe and regard you as a potential PITA. Likely, there is soem other quality about you that they value ( or need, like your $$$$$ or diversity) so they stomached you. Your turning them down will just allow them the sigh of relief that they dodged a bullet.

You can't have it both ways, you either wrote a 1st choice letter or made statements that were, in fact, not a pledge you really meant to honor. You now want public forgiveness for that on this forum, when it is not us, but the school that you made a promise to that you will now break. Face them, not us.

Lastly, do it quickly ( as in Monday) so that a deserving family/child can be offered your spot. Its the right thing to do. This is not about you, any longer, but you knew that right ?

Of course, you knew that. You meant to write and ask how soon should you turn down and accept offer to help out a WL family, right.

This. Except for the big bucks or diversity you potentially could have provided, they are very happy that you, your DS and "his mother" will not be there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I took up a lot of time at a Big 3. Legitimately so, as we were torn between two school. Its time to turn them down as our diligence is complete and we are going with the other school.

How do you turn down politely?

I also inferred early on that if accepted, we would likely attend. But in the course of our diligence, our DS and his mother changed their mind. Honest mistake. Please advise.

Please dont flame for that. It was true at the time.

I believe you mean that you "implied" early on, "we" would likely attend. Or you are concerned that they "inferred" that, from your statements.

Look it up.

[Anonymous]

Why are people so mean to this person? So harsh? Are you jealous or bitter or what?
He/She made a mistake and want to be gracious in bowing out. He, I assume either implied/inferred this was the first choice but in learning more decided otherwise. Why would one assume they were obnoxious or dishonest? Using the term due diligence could just mean visits and meetings with parents. And I have no dog in the fight as we just sent in our big 3 accept and our no thank you's but give the person a break. There was another big 3 school that I "bonded" with and agonized over how to turn down and in the end I sent thank you cards to one or two staffers and the official letter to whom was designated.
We are human and feel those connections and we also make mistakes.

[Anonymous]

Not bitter, DC attends a "big 3". Just think everyone should know that the proper thing is NOT to write a first choice letter or make that statement, unless you mean it. A person's word should mean something. When a person breaks their word, that impacts us all. Just that, and please, does this Mom really need advice on this. Why is she asking? call the school, thank them for their time and decline the offer. done.

[Anonymous]

OP is the dad, not the mom. Bet you'll be less mean when you know he is the dad. Fathers always get a break.