How to turn down a Big 3 school I took up a lot of time with...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I took up a lot of time at a Big 3. Legitimately so, as we were torn between two school. Its time to turn them down as our diligence is complete and we are going with the other school.

How do you turn down politely?

I also inferred early on that if accepted, we would likely attend. But in the course of our diligence, our DS and his mother changed their mind. Honest mistake. Please advise.

Please dont flame for that. It was true at the time.

OP, it is likely that when you began to " take up a lot of your time with your deligence" they began to cringe and regard you as a potential PITA. Likely, there is soem other quality about you that they value ( or need, like your $$$$$ or diversity) so they stomached you. Your turning them down will just allow them the sigh of relief that they dodged a bullet.

You can't have it both ways, you either wrote a 1st choice letter or made statements that were, in fact, not a pledge you really meant to honor. You now want public forgiveness for that on this forum, when it is not us, but the school that you made a promise to that you will now break. Face them, not us.

Lastly, do it quickly ( as in Monday) so that a deserving family/child can be offered your spot. Its the right thing to do. This is not about you, any longer, but you knew that right ?

Of course, you knew that. You meant to write and ask how soon should you turn down and accept offer to help out a WL family, right.

Very unkind and uncalled for.
Just thank the school for their time and attention and move on. I don't think they will give it much thought and probably happens alot. I'm sure it is a relief to you and your family to have made a firm decision. good luck

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is the dad, not the mom. Bet you'll be less mean when you know he is the dad. Fathers always get a break.

Why? Because they are generally clueless?

[Anonymous]

If you don't want to call, send a brief, polite email. Do not write a letter - it will take one or two days to arrive, and the school may in the meantime lose students on their WL to other schools. The best thing you can do at this point is move quickly.

[Anonymous]

Big three won't care - chances are they will be thrilled to admit a great kid who just didn't make the cut for some random reason.

[Anonymous]

Email is tacky, send a letter or handwritten note to the AD. Thank them for ALL of their time and explain how hard it was to make the decision, blah blah blah. Done.

[Anonymous]

I'm an admissions director. We understand completely why this kind of thing happens. For me, a very short note that just says that you are declining, and going to school X instead is best. It means I can extract the information I need from the note in the least amount of time. I certainly wouldn't hold this against you, even if you apply later with another child. However, a long note full of details that I just don't care about, that takes up my time, I would hold against you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm an admissions director. We understand completely why this kind of thing happens. For me, a very short note that just says that you are declining, and going to school X instead is best. It means I can extract the information I need from the note in the least amount of time. I certainly wouldn't hold this against you, even if you apply later with another child. However, a long note full of details that I just don't care about, that takes up my time, I would hold against you

Wow. Remind me never to apply to your school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm an admissions director. We understand completely why this kind of thing happens. For me, a very short note that just says that you are declining, and going to school X instead is best. It means I can extract the information I need from the note in the least amount of time. I certainly wouldn't hold this against you, even if you apply later with another child. However, a long note full of details that I just don't care about, that takes up my time, I would hold against you

AD, would you prefer a phone call, email, or handwritten note? Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm an admissions director. We understand completely why this kind of thing happens. For me, a very short note that just says that you are declining, and going to school X instead is best. It means I can extract the information I need from the note in the least amount of time. I certainly wouldn't hold this against you, even if you apply later with another child. However, a long note full of details that I just don't care about, that takes up my time, I would hold against you

Just curious, we declined because of financial reasons. The FA offer was too low. I wrote a letter detailing this, thanking the AD for her time and attention during the process. I wrote a somewhat lengthy letter, because I felt I did not want to be short with the school after they gave so much time considering my DS. I now see I was wrong to assume they would appreciate it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an admissions director. We understand completely why this kind of thing happens. For me, a very short note that just says that you are declining, and going to school X instead is best. It means I can extract the information I need from the note in the least amount of time. I certainly wouldn't hold this against you, even if you apply later with another child. However, a long note full of details that I just don't care about, that takes up my time, I would hold against you

Just curious, we declined because of financial reasons. The FA offer was too low. I wrote a letter detailing this, thanking the AD for her time and attention during the process. I wrote a somewhat lengthy letter, because I felt I did not want to be short with the school after they gave so much time considering my DS. I now see I was wrong to assume they would appreciate it.

Hopefully the AD at the school you applied for is less pressed for time than I am. If I had more free time, I would indeed appreciate such a thoughtful letter.

[Anonymous]

Possibly do both? The quick, polite decline email so they have time to reach onto the WL followed by the more personal handwritten note.

[Anonymous]

Personally i would think an email is best. Its timely, concise, easy to file, and easy to write a quick reply if that's needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an admissions director. We understand completely why this kind of thing happens. For me, a very short note that just says that you are declining, and going to school X instead is best. It means I can extract the information I need from the note in the least amount of time. I certainly wouldn't hold this against you, even if you apply later with another child. However, a long note full of details that I just don't care about, that takes up my time, I would hold against you

Wow. Remind me never to apply to your school

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm an admissions director. We understand completely why this kind of thing happens. For me, a very short note that just says that you are declining, and going to school X instead is best. It means I can extract the information I need from the note in the least amount of time. I certainly wouldn't hold this against you, even if you apply later with another child. However, a long note full of details that I just don't care about, that takes up my time, I would hold against you

I'm one of the (many) PPs who suggested a short and prompt note, so I'm in agreement with you, and I know you were trying to be funny, but I really hope you're not an AD at my kids' school -- one that is frequently--and deservedly -- trashed on this board for its thoroughly unpleasant admissions process. This attitude makes the entire school community (or at least all the adults involved in it) look like a bunch of jerks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm an admissions director. We understand completely why this kind of thing happens. For me, a very short note that just says that you are declining, and going to school X instead is best. It means I can extract the information I need from the note in the least amount of time. I certainly wouldn't hold this against you, even if you apply later with another child. However, a long note full of details that I just don't care about, that takes up my time, I would hold against you

Hold against me -- how? By prejudging my next child's application after you make a black mark next to my name? I hope you are just someone posing as an AD. What you describe would be the worst abuse of discretion possible.