When your kid asks, are you "middle class," "upper-middle," something else?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I tell my kids they are lucky. They don't need to know any more about our financial situation than that, nor should it matter.

I disagree. I want my kids to know the financial facts of life, but maybe your kids are younger than mine are. My parents transferred a lot of their money angst to me, unnecessarily. I want my kids to know we have enough money.

[Anonymous]

Kids don't need to know how much their parents earn. It simply becomes one more method for comparison on the playground. Most adults, certainly not all in DC, have enough class not to talk about their income. Kids do not have the social filter. I, for one, would not tell my kids teachers, friends or neighbors how much I earn and would prefer that my kids don't have that information to spread around themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids don't need to know how much their parents earn. It simply becomes one more method for comparison on the playground. Most adults, certainly not all in DC, have enough class not to talk about their income. Kids do not have the social filter. I, for one, would not tell my kids teachers, friends or neighbors how much I earn and would prefer that my kids don't have that information to spread around themselves.

Telling my son we are upper middle class really only gives him a vague idea of our income. Fortunately, there is a truly wealthy family 4 doors down, so I don't have to worry about him getting a big head over all of it

[Anonymous]

DH is an attorney and I am director of a public sector organization. Our household income is over 300K. We live in Bethesda. I know we're not rich by DC standards, and I know being "upper-middle class" has nothing to do with class, but I am wrong on the facts to tell my kids that we are "upper-middle class"?

[Anonymous]

You are upper class pp...there is nothing wrong with saying that. Growing up, I would have been considered middle class -- with 8 kids and a lawyer dad -- we didn't seem like it though.

Now, we are certainly upper middle class and relieved and thankful not to have to worry about every dime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are upper class pp...there is nothing wrong with saying that. Growing up, I would have been considered middle class -- with 8 kids and a lawyer dad -- we didn't seem like it though.

Now, we are certainly upper middle class and relieved and thankful not to have to worry about every dime.

I disagree -- or at least I would say we need more information. And this is not one of those poor-me-I-make-$300K-and-can't-pay-the-bills issues. It's more that class involves more than just HHI. When you say "upper class," (to the extent that anyone really ever says that anymore in this country) it suggests someone who is living a truly luxury lifestyle -- multiple homes, full-time maids/nannies, never giving a second thought to things like paying for college or retirement. You could certainly live that lifestyle on $300K in certain parts of the country, if you already have family money going in. But most people who have a $300K HHI are not living that lifestyle. They are living a lifestyle that is in many ways middle class in terms of values, but with more security and material wealth thrown in. That's what I would consider upper middle class.

[Anonymous]

I remember asking this question of my parents as a kid, and the answer was always, "we're comfortable." I think I would probably give the same answer to my kids, although they haven't asked yet. If they asked what comfortable is, I might explain that that is a matter of personal expectations and whether they are being met. Some people have less than us but feel comfortable because they have everything they feel they need, while other people have much more than us but feel poor because they want more than they can afford. If they were older kids and pushed, I would probably say that family finances are personal and not something we think is appropriate to share with them at this stage in their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell my kid, "YOU are poor, because you have no money. When you're old enough to earn money, you can decide if you are poor, rich, middle class. Until then, as long as you have what you need, and you do, don't worry about my and your dad's money."

How nurturing.

Methinks PP doth protest too much.

I'm the OP of that comment and we are absolutely not rich. HHI 160k. Don't think either kid needs to know what we make. It's not their money to spend, they have no ownership over it, and they have no concept of how much value that amount really has. I don't care if it's "nurturing" or not. It's not children's business how much money their parents make.

[Anonymous]

Upper class earner. I tell my son not expect the same lifestyle as an adult that I have been able to provide for him. Sadly, the opportunities will not be there for him.

[Anonymous]

poor as I shoo them out of my landlover through the marble mudroom and up the 2 story foyer stairs to their custom built hand sawn and assembled spongebob bed. Poor because I have no money left over after all this shit.

[Anonymous]

My kid is 7 and he generally asks about "$" and he has a kid concept of it. For instance, his cousins are rich because their house is HUGE. We are not because our house and yard are much smaller. I let him run with that idea because then when they ask for toys everytime we go into a toy store/Target I can say 'sorry we don't have the $ for it". Truth be told, our house is about $800k more than cousins but there is no way I would ever tell my children that.

However, he is catching on very fast. DH and I have a high HHI. It often makes me uncomfortable about raising grounded kids. DH came from a fairly poor but highly educated background. I came from an upper middle class background, but now we have so much more than our parents. We can really afford to get them whatever they want, their college is already paid for, etc. We have kids and neighbors that get anything they want just for the sake of it. Drives me crazy. I think it is good for kids to feel safe but to 'want'. Not anytime they wish for something somebody goes out and buys it for them.

I wouldn't buy a coveted Lego set yesterday (the kid has millions) because it was just a Sunday, no special day. He lost it. Walking home, I told him when I was a kid I really only got presents on special occassions like my Birthday and Christmas. He snapped 'that's because you were poor'. I lost it. I told him 'you've seen grandma and grandpa's house I was far from poor, but one thing I definitely wasn't was SPOILED'. We are always teaching them about the value of $ and frivolous spending. He has now asked to take on more chores, etc. We encourage to save. He recently spent all of his saved $ on something I know wasn't as valued and at the time I really counseled him, made him think about it, etc..but he insisted. Hence, he didn't have the $ for the set he really wanted which was now in the store. Learning lesson.

I am uncomfortable with my kids knowing how much $ we have because I don't want kids who take things for granted and don't have a work ethic. I've seen in with a lot of kids I grew up with. There is no fire there, no drive. Too much entitlement.

When I catch my kid talking about material things, about other people's house size...I shut it down quick. They are know they are loved, provided for, no threat of being on the street, etc. but they are being taught the concept of work, helping out, volunteering and how damn lucky they are to be born into the circumstances they were born into. As they get older, they are learning about kids in other countries (even in this country) that don't have warm beds, enough food,etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid is 7 and he generally asks about "$" and he has a kid concept of it. For instance, his cousins are rich because their house is HUGE. We are not because our house and yard are much smaller. I let him run with that idea because then when they ask for toys everytime we go into a toy store/Target I can say 'sorry we don't have the $ for it". Truth be told, our house is about $800k more than cousins but there is no way I would ever tell my children that.

However, he is catching on very fast. DH and I have a high HHI. It often makes me uncomfortable about raising grounded kids. DH came from a fairly poor but highly educated background. I came from an upper middle class background, but now we have so much more than our parents. We can really afford to get them whatever they want, their college is already paid for, etc. We have kids and neighbors that get anything they want just for the sake of it. Drives me crazy. I think it is good for kids to feel safe but to 'want'. Not anytime they wish for something somebody goes out and buys it for them.

I wouldn't buy a coveted Lego set yesterday (the kid has millions) because it was just a Sunday, no special day. He lost it. Walking home, I told him when I was a kid I really only got presents on special occassions like my Birthday and Christmas. He snapped 'that's because you were poor'. I lost it. I told him 'you've seen grandma and grandpa's house I was far from poor, but one thing I definitely wasn't was SPOILED'. We are always teaching them about the value of $ and frivolous spending. He has now asked to take on more chores, etc. We encourage to save. He recently spent all of his saved $ on something I know wasn't as valued and at the time I really counseled him, made him think about it, etc..but he insisted. Hence, he didn't have the $ for the set he really wanted which was now in the store. Learning lesson.

I am uncomfortable with my kids knowing how much $ we have because I don't want kids who take things for granted and don't have a work ethic. I've seen in with a lot of kids I grew up with. There is no fire there, no drive. Too much entitlement.

When I catch my kid talking about material things, about other people's house size...I shut it down quick. They are know they are loved, provided for, no threat of being on the street, etc. but they are being taught the concept of work, helping out, volunteering and how damn lucky they are to be born into the circumstances they were born into. As they get older, they are learning about kids in other countries (even in this country) that don't have warm beds, enough food,etc.

You know you live in dc when your shit box old home is 800k and kids don't get it and need an explanation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I tell my kids they are lucky. They don't need to know any more about our financial situation than that, nor should it matter.

+1. We never discuss our financial situation with our children, and they should not judge others (or feel judged themselves) by what "class" they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid is 7 and he generally asks about "$" and he has a kid concept of it. For instance, his cousins are rich because their house is HUGE. We are not because our house and yard are much smaller. I let him run with that idea because then when they ask for toys everytime we go into a toy store/Target I can say 'sorry we don't have the $ for it". Truth be told, our house is about $800k more than cousins but there is no way I would ever tell my children that.

However, he is catching on very fast. DH and I have a high HHI. It often makes me uncomfortable about raising grounded kids. DH came from a fairly poor but highly educated background. I came from an upper middle class background, but now we have so much more than our parents. We can really afford to get them whatever they want, their college is already paid for, etc. We have kids and neighbors that get anything they want just for the sake of it. Drives me crazy. I think it is good for kids to feel safe but to 'want'. Not anytime they wish for something somebody goes out and buys it for them.

I wouldn't buy a coveted Lego set yesterday (the kid has millions) because it was just a Sunday, no special day. He lost it. Walking home, I told him when I was a kid I really only got presents on special occassions like my Birthday and Christmas. He snapped 'that's because you were poor'. I lost it. I told him 'you've seen grandma and grandpa's house I was far from poor, but one thing I definitely wasn't was SPOILED'. We are always teaching them about the value of $ and frivolous spending. He has now asked to take on more chores, etc. We encourage to save. He recently spent all of his saved $ on something I know wasn't as valued and at the time I really counseled him, made him think about it, etc..but he insisted. Hence, he didn't have the $ for the set he really wanted which was now in the store. Learning lesson.

I am uncomfortable with my kids knowing how much $ we have because I don't want kids who take things for granted and don't have a work ethic. I've seen in with a lot of kids I grew up with. There is no fire there, no drive. Too much entitlement.

When I catch my kid talking about material things, about other people's house size...I shut it down quick. They are know they are loved, provided for, no threat of being on the street, etc. but they are being taught the concept of work, helping out, volunteering and how damn lucky they are to be born into the circumstances they were born into. As they get older, they are learning about kids in other countries (even in this country) that don't have warm beds, enough food,etc.

Good for you PP, I like your approach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I tell my kids they are lucky. They don't need to know any more about our financial situation than that, nor should it matter.

+1. We never discuss our financial situation with our children, and they should not judge others (or feel judged themselves) by what "class" they are.

+1 I am the long-winded poster above. My kids definitely don't know our HHI or the price of our house, etc and that is not something I would tell them or for them to be blabbing to people.

I bolded your one statement because this is what my parents taught me and this is what they SHOWED me. They treated everyone with dignity and the same level of respect from the janitor on up. When my dad retired (I work in same agency) I had people from the custodial staff, to the clerks, on up come up and tell me stories of things he did for them and how he knew about their lives and asked about them and of course always had one of his hilarious jokes. It is now 7 years later and as soon as I walk through the door the security guard asks after my dad and tells me to tell him 'hello', etc. We were taught we were no better than anyone just because of our $ or occupation, etc.

My kids see the way we help out the people that help us out in tiny ways throughout the day--but no less important. The way we donate things to people in need. The way we address everyone with the same level of respect. This is so important. If you are one of those people that doesn't address the checkout clerk, the parking attendant, thumbs your nose at the custodian, barks orders at your cleaning lady and talks about them behind their back in front of your kids---you are going to raise jerks just like yourself. You are no better just because you have more $ or won the birth lottery.