what to do if you think a kid at school may not be getting enough to eat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - I am a school social worker and I would be happy to hear your report. I would listen, and then do my own recognizance. I would not report back to you, though. There are many children in my school who are hungry; I keep food on hand for them. Many of the teachers (and the principal) have no idea. As much as I preach that behavior is sometimes directly related to hunger - as well as sleep - nobody seems to get it. I know this is a hard thing for many of us to imagine since we have ridiculous amounts of food. There are, however, many families living on the edge who have to make difficult choices. Some of the choices they make are not the best but I'm not sure how this is a child's fault.

This, absolutely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:if the little girl is asking other parents for snacks, there's clearly something wrong.

No there isn't. When I had my child a bag of pretzels, and yours sees this and asks me for one too, nothing is wrong. It's called normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:17:04 -- OP here. If I contact the school social worker about this, what typically would happen next?

Good question. What are the ramifications to the student and the mother and the family as a whole. Is there any kind of record or paper-trail that could negatively affect them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:17:04 -- OP here. If I contact the school social worker about this, what typically would happen next?

Good question. What are the ramifications to the student and the mother and the family as a whole. Is there any kind of record or paper-trail that could negatively affect them?

Not at all, unless further conversations with the family lead to a CPS report. And let's be very clear: even with mandated reporters, they still tend to report less than they should, as opposed to more than they should. By the time anyone is calling CPS, it's usually very serious and WAY beyond a kid asking another kid's parent for snacks.

In OPs situation where mom is present and seems to be trying even if he's overwhelmed, it's very hard to see how a paper trail could come of this. But hopefully, either the kids really are fine, or if they're not, then good referrals to resources for mom and family will come.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:17:04 -- OP here. If I contact the school social worker about this, what typically would happen next?

Good question. What are the ramifications to the student and the mother and the family as a whole. Is there any kind of record or paper-trail that could negatively affect them?

Not at all, unless further conversations with the family lead to a CPS report. And let's be very clear: even with mandated reporters, they still tend to report less than they should, as opposed to more than they should. By the time anyone is calling CPS, it's usually very serious and WAY beyond a kid asking another kid's parent for snacks.

In OPs situation where mom is present and seems to be trying even if he's overwhelmed, it's very hard to see how a paper trail could come of this. But hopefully, either the kids really are fine, or if they're not, then good referrals to resources for mom and family will come.

In the OP's previous thread, the mom was present but sitting in her car on her cell phone. I'm not sure how this translates into "overwhelmed" and "seems to be trying"...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When will the cycle of bad parenting ever end? Parents are the ones responsible for feeding their kids. They shouldn't let their kids go hungry, nor should they instill a notion that the kids should depend on others for food.

Once again the privilege of DCUM stuns and amazes. Are you really this frickin sheltered, ignorant, or obnoxious? Apparently you don't know there are Americans who are hard-working or willing to be hardworking who still do not earn enough to meet all of their family's needs. There are also others growing up in such drastic poverty with little resources or models to get out of it. And yes, there are also parents who are just plain old screwed up, could feed their kids, but opt not to. But you know what? Even on my ZCPS caseload that group is minuscule. Most families have real, concrete obstacles that lead to their kids being hungry.

No one here is suggesting that other parents in the school are responsible for feeding these kids. But if those kids are hungry, a caring parent mentioning it to the school may trigger an engagement of heir parent that may lead to some needed help.

Kids with insufficient nutrition: their bodies and minds aren't as healthy, they don't learn as well, they don't remember as well -> they don't do as well in school -> they don't finish school -> the negative trajectory continues. It's real, it's complex, and it isn't the kids' fault. Telling a school official you are concerned about whether some kids at the school are adequately fed is NOT "installing a notion that kids should depend on others for food". Neither is bringing extra snacks, frankly. Parents of my kids' friends and I bring extra snacks all the time. And if there were kids nearby who always seemed extra starving, if their parent was cool I'd sometimes bring extras for them too.

PP you should really hope you never have a humbling experience where you are not able to care for your kids the way you want. You sound like you're so sheltered, you'd never survive.

Don't give me that crap. I grew up poor. GENUINELY poor. Spent a lot of time on little but beans and rice, but at least my mom made sure I had something to eat. Not "poor" as in showing up for FARMS meals wearing $200 sneakers, licensed NBA and NFL gear and festooned with The North Face as they do around DC. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure there are some genuinely poor in DC, but there are also a whole lot of people with screwed up priorities in DC, not to mention a whole lot of outright scam artists who should be perfectly capable of fending for themselves and their families instead of trying to get everything for free from everyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Don't give me that crap. I grew up poor. GENUINELY poor. Spent a lot of time on little but beans and rice, but at least my mom made sure I had something to eat. Not "poor" as in showing up for FARMS meals wearing $200 sneakers, licensed NBA and NFL gear and festooned with The North Face as they do around DC. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure there are some genuinely poor in DC, but there are also a whole lot of people with screwed up priorities in DC, not to mention a whole lot of outright scam artists who should be perfectly capable of fending for themselves and their families instead of trying to get everything for free from everyone else.

Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When will the cycle of bad parenting ever end? Parents are the ones responsible for feeding their kids. They shouldn't let their kids go hungry, nor should they instill a notion that the kids should depend on others for food.

Once again the privilege of DCUM stuns and amazes. Are you really this frickin sheltered, ignorant, or obnoxious? Apparently you don't know there are Americans who are hard-working or willing to be hardworking who still do not earn enough to meet all of their family's needs. There are also others growing up in such drastic poverty with little resources or models to get out of it. And yes, there are also parents who are just plain old screwed up, could feed their kids, but opt not to. But you know what? Even on my ZCPS caseload that group is minuscule. Most families have real, concrete obstacles that lead to their kids being hungry.

No one here is suggesting that other parents in the school are responsible for feeding these kids. But if those kids are hungry, a caring parent mentioning it to the school may trigger an engagement of heir parent that may lead to some needed help.

Kids with insufficient nutrition: their bodies and minds aren't as healthy, they don't learn as well, they don't remember as well -> they don't do as well in school -> they don't finish school -> the negative trajectory continues. It's real, it's complex, and it isn't the kids' fault. Telling a school official you are concerned about whether some kids at the school are adequately fed is NOT "installing a notion that kids should depend on others for food". Neither is bringing extra snacks, frankly. Parents of my kids' friends and I bring extra snacks all the time. And if there were kids nearby who always seemed extra starving, if their parent was cool I'd sometimes bring extras for them too.

PP you should really hope you never have a humbling experience where you are not able to care for your kids the way you want. You sound like you're so sheltered, you'd never survive.

Don't give me that crap. I grew up poor. GENUINELY poor. Spent a lot of time on little but beans and rice, but at least my mom made sure I had something to eat. Not "poor" as in showing up for FARMS meals wearing $200 sneakers, licensed NBA and NFL gear and festooned with The North Face as they do around DC. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure there are some genuinely poor in DC, but there are also a whole lot of people with screwed up priorities in DC, not to mention a whole lot of outright scam artists who should be perfectly capable of fending for themselves and their families instead of trying to get everything for free from everyone else.

What crap exactly am I giving you that you didn't also just acknowledge in your own post? There are all types of situations. The kid showing up for FARMS with the $80 sneakers is an anomaly - seriously, do tell me, just how many of those kids do you see at your kids school? I don't see them at my kids' schools, and I dont' see them in my job. Once in awhile of course there are the totally scamming families. But I see a lot of genuinely hungry families and kids, some with parents really trying to make it, some with parents on drugs too out of it or not even home to notice their kids aren't eating, but in either of those scenarios I'm sorry, exactly what exactly are you saying should happen for those kids to eat? Your mom made it work, and I am totally sincere in saying she is a rockstar for doing that. I see a LOT of rockstar parents who honestly I don't know how they do it. But for the kids who's parents can't do it/aren't there to do it, what are you suggesting is their reality? They starve because hey, sucks for them that their parents can't feed them, but no one else should because then they might think it's not their parents responsibility?


Since you call this crap, I'm very interested in what you're saying is supposed to happen to those kids, unless you are saying they should just starve then. What happens in your "non-crap" perspective on this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Don't give me that crap. I grew up poor. GENUINELY poor. Spent a lot of time on little but beans and rice, but at least my mom made sure I had something to eat. Not "poor" as in showing up for FARMS meals wearing $200 sneakers, licensed NBA and NFL gear and festooned with The North Face as they do around DC. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure there are some genuinely poor in DC, but there are also a whole lot of people with screwed up priorities in DC, not to mention a whole lot of outright scam artists who should be perfectly capable of fending for themselves and their families instead of trying to get everything for free from everyone else.

Thank you!

Since you're apparently a different poster but you agree, feel free to also describe what the answer is then to the kids whose parents are truly not able to do it or not there to do it. You like what she said, so how do those kids eat, or they don't?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Don't give me that crap. I grew up poor. GENUINELY poor. Spent a lot of time on little but beans and rice, but at least my mom made sure I had something to eat. Not "poor" as in showing up for FARMS meals wearing $200 sneakers, licensed NBA and NFL gear and festooned with The North Face as they do around DC. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure there are some genuinely poor in DC, but there are also a whole lot of people with screwed up priorities in DC, not to mention a whole lot of outright scam artists who should be perfectly capable of fending for themselves and their families instead of trying to get everything for free from everyone else.

Thank you!

Since you're apparently a different poster but you agree, feel free to also describe what the answer is then to the kids whose parents are truly not able to do it or not there to do it. You like what she said, so how do those kids eat, or they don't?

I think the whole system needs to be rethought from the ground up, and we need to do a better job in society in terms of values, priorities and social mores. Growing up we managed to get by on very little, but we learned that money goes a lot farther when you make good choices, and we learned that hard work pays off. Ending poverty is something the poor need to be doing for themselves, as we did for ourselves. The value of work, education, self-sufficiency needs to be more deeply culturally ingrained. Currently the system is set up basically to enable it rather than fix it - we teach kids external dependency from a very early age right up to adulthood - mom doesn't need to provide breakfast or lunch, FARMS provides it. Mom doesn't need to provide school supplies, those come from others. You don't actually have to do your school work, the school will just socially promote you - and so on. You are taught from K-12 that the system will take care of you, you have zero incentive to ever develop a work ethic or for that matter even conceive of doing anything for yourself. The system is an enabler. The way it's set up, it only perpetuates and propagates poverty from generation to generation. There is nothing to ever break the cycle. Unless you are fine with continuing poverty from generation to generation, and continuing on with all of these things as the status quo, the system needs to fundamentally and radically change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Don't give me that crap. I grew up poor. GENUINELY poor. Spent a lot of time on little but beans and rice, but at least my mom made sure I had something to eat. Not "poor" as in showing up for FARMS meals wearing $200 sneakers, licensed NBA and NFL gear and festooned with The North Face as they do around DC. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure there are some genuinely poor in DC, but there are also a whole lot of people with screwed up priorities in DC, not to mention a whole lot of outright scam artists who should be perfectly capable of fending for themselves and their families instead of trying to get everything for free from everyone else.

Thank you!

Since you're apparently a different poster but you agree, feel free to also describe what the answer is then to the kids whose parents are truly not able to do it or not there to do it. You like what she said, so how do those kids eat, or they don't?

I think the whole system needs to be rethought from the ground up, and we need to do a better job in society in terms of values, priorities and social mores. Growing up we managed to get by on very little, but we learned that money goes a lot farther when you make good choices, and we learned that hard work pays off. Ending poverty is something the poor need to be doing for themselves, as we did for ourselves. The value of work, education, self-sufficiency needs to be more deeply culturally ingrained. Currently the system is set up basically to enable it rather than fix it - we teach kids external dependency from a very early age right up to adulthood - mom doesn't need to provide breakfast or lunch, FARMS provides it. Mom doesn't need to provide school supplies, those come from others. You don't actually have to do your school work, the school will just socially promote you - and so on. You are taught from K-12 that the system will take care of you, you have zero incentive to ever develop a work ethic or for that matter even conceive of doing anything for yourself. The system is an enabler. The way it's set up, it only perpetuates and propagates poverty from generation to generation. There is nothing to ever break the cycle. Unless you are fine with continuing poverty from generation to generation, and continuing on with all of these things as the status quo, the system needs to fundamentally and radically change.

That is a very nice piece on why the system needs overhauling, which probably very few would disagree with.

But it does absolutely NOTHING to explain what - given your feelings about overhaul - happens TODAY for kids who are hungry TODAY and whose parents cannot or are not providing for their food needs TODAY.

What happens to those kids today while you and I post on the internet about system overhaul? Do you want them to eat this brilliant discussion?

[Anonymous]

I guess the "solution" then is to just maintain the status quo, ignore the causes, just treat the symptoms and never get anywhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess the "solution" then is to just maintain the status quo, ignore the causes, just treat the symptoms and never get anywhere.

Actually I fully support system overhaul. I just think it's unacceptable, in a thread about specific kids who are hungry today, to blab on about how people are too entitled and parents should feed their kids and get all hot and bothered about suggestions that a school social worker be notified, but not one of you has an explanation for what happens to those kids while your system overhaul takes place.

The overhaul needs to happen, but unless you're going to come right out and say "The line has to get drawn somewhere so no, no one should feed these kids", then save the outrage about suggesting solutions for these kids, today. Even if they are the kids of deadbeat parents, who are you to try to stop someone from helping them? I'm all for parental responsibility, but I for one can't stand by yelling that parents should be responsible and watch kids who cannot feed themselves go hungry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd mention it to the teacher or school social worker, and I'd bring a few extra snacks to share.

Well, in my experience, the wealthier a family is the less actual food is in their fridge. They're usually starving their daughters while they starve themselves. I've seen kids from good homes and their back pelvic bones are sticking out. (These are 1st and 2nd graders who should have baby fat still).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd mention it to the teacher or school social worker, and I'd bring a few extra snacks to share.

Well, in my experience, the wealthier a family is the less actual food is in their fridge. They're usually starving their daughters while they starve themselves. I've seen kids from good homes and their back pelvic bones are sticking out. (These are 1st and 2nd graders who should have baby fat still).

Time to stop watching Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, my friend.