what to do if you think a kid at school may not be getting enough to eat

[Anonymous]

Most kids are starving after school and most kids would like to have a play date on most days. Neither thing would make me think she isn't eating at home.

[Anonymous]

Watch this: http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/poor-kids/

These are american kids, in school with your kids, who are hungry every single day. If a child is asking for food, do the right thing and mention it to the school social worker/principal/school nurse. Bring some snacks to share.

[Anonymous]

I see kids walking from the low income housing near me, and it never fails to amaze me to see how many will stop at the convenience store on the way and buy candy and junk food before school, and then go on, no doubt to their free FARMS breakfast. Not enough money to put a bowl of cheerios in front of the kid in the morning, but enough for junk food? Or is it just no will to put some food into the kid for breakfast?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course you should talk to the teacher or more appropriately the school social worker as they will have more experience in how to broach the subject. The social worker has an obligation to check it out, and you will feel comfortable knowing that you did what you could without having to get further involved. It might be nothing but better to be safe than sorry.

Oh my god, no. My kids are always asking for something to eat after school. They're well-fed healthy kids, with lots of options to choose from. Still, sometimes the novelty of whatever someone else is eating is appealing, or reminds them they're hungry, or they are hungry because it's 3:30 and they haven't eaten since lunchtime and they're growing kids. One of them is a picky eater, so even though she has a lunchbox full of choices, she might still ask for a snack.

If I got a call from the school counselor because you just couldn't keep your nose out of other people's business I'd want to throttle you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course you should talk to the teacher or more appropriately the school social worker as they will have more experience in how to broach the subject. The social worker has an obligation to check it out, and you will feel comfortable knowing that you did what you could without having to get further involved. It might be nothing but better to be safe than sorry.

Oh my god, no. My kids are always asking for something to eat after school. They're well-fed healthy kids, with lots of options to choose from. Still, sometimes the novelty of whatever someone else is eating is appealing, or reminds them they're hungry, or they are hungry because it's 3:30 and they haven't eaten since lunchtime and they're growing kids. One of them is a picky eater, so even though she has a lunchbox full of choices, she might still ask for a snack.

If I got a call from the school counselor because you just couldn't keep your nose out of other people's business I'd want to throttle you.

And just because your kids are like this, there is no way at all the kids OP knows are hungry. Right? Wrong!

OP please take the chance of offending a parent like the PP, trust your instincts, and say something. If the overwhelmed mom you described whose kids are asking to go home with other kids to have dinner is in fact as "together" and easily pissed as PP, the worse you will have done is piss off a parent whose kids are fine.

But if that same overwhelmed mom you know is not ok and her kids are hungry, you may have raised an important issue to the awareness of the school social worker or teacher that the kids themselves couldn't voice. Maybe the school is aware of resources this mom is not connected to - you never know what chain of help you could set in motion.

Don't let PP's threat of throttling throw you. It's more important to take a step that might in a very real way help a child.

[Anonymous]

When will the cycle of bad parenting ever end? Parents are the ones responsible for feeding their kids. They shouldn't let their kids go hungry, nor should they instill a notion that the kids should depend on others for food.

[Anonymous]

And another thing to all like the "I would throttle you" PP parent saying all kids are hungry after school - just what do you think kids who truly are hungry act like? I work for CPS so I'm intimately familiar with DC families whose kids get involved with our system for neglect, which includes not having food. I am NOT suggesting that the mom in OPs post is neglecting her kids. But what I am saying is that I have seen hundreds of kids who attend DC public or charter schools live in homes where there is no food. How do you distinguish between their after (and before, and during) school hunger, and the healthy appetites of healthy, well-fed children?

Sometimes it's easy to tell. But sometimes it's so subtle you wouldn't believe.

The mom and kids OP is concerned about have struck a nerve with her. To have such a hostile "mind your own business" attitude about wanting to reach out in case there's a real problem is mind-boggling to me. Why are you pissy parents so sure there will always be a glaring differences between truly unfed children and your kids, such that there's no way OPs situation could be real? Or did you not even realize it's possible some kids at your kids' schools could be severely underfed?

Please, count your blessings and lose the horrifically nasty attitudes!

[Anonymous]

17:04 -- OP here. If I contact the school social worker about this, what typically would happen next?

[Anonymous]

While I am sure there are many kid who are not getting enough to eat, there are many others who are making poor choices. My SIL was on WIC for ten years (she has 10, 8, and 6 year olds). Her kids refused to eat the healthy cereal that is provided so she gave us the Cheerios and Kix while she spent money on Lucky Charms. I didn't give my kids a choice. At the end of the month she often asked for money to go to the grocery store. I don't want my nephews going hungry at night so we bought ( and ontinue to buy) groceries for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When will the cycle of bad parenting ever end? Parents are the ones responsible for feeding their kids. They shouldn't let their kids go hungry, nor should they instill a notion that the kids should depend on others for food.

Once again the privilege of DCUM stuns and amazes. Are you really this frickin sheltered, ignorant, or obnoxious? Apparently you don't know there are Americans who are hard-working or willing to be hardworking who still do not earn enough to meet all of their family's needs. There are also others growing up in such drastic poverty with little resources or models to get out of it. And yes, there are also parents who are just plain old screwed up, could feed their kids, but opt not to. But you know what? Even on my ZCPS caseload that group is minuscule. Most families have real, concrete obstacles that lead to their kids being hungry.

No one here is suggesting that other parents in the school are responsible for feeding these kids. But if those kids are hungry, a caring parent mentioning it to the school may trigger an engagement of heir parent that may lead to some needed help.

Kids with insufficient nutrition: their bodies and minds aren't as healthy, they don't learn as well, they don't remember as well -> they don't do as well in school -> they don't finish school -> the negative trajectory continues. It's real, it's complex, and it isn't the kids' fault. Telling a school official you are concerned about whether some kids at the school are adequately fed is NOT "installing a notion that kids should depend on others for food". Neither is bringing extra snacks, frankly. Parents of my kids' friends and I bring extra snacks all the time. And if there were kids nearby who always seemed extra starving, if their parent was cool I'd sometimes bring extras for them too.

PP you should really hope you never have a humbling experience where you are not able to care for your kids the way you want. You sound like you're so sheltered, you'd never survive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:17:04 -- OP here. If I contact the school social worker about this, what typically would happen next?

Honestly it really depends on your school, the social worker, and the Administration. Sadly, too much of the time, nothing happens. But where one or all of those parties is on the ball, they will likely check in with the kids' teachers first and ask if they've noticed anything. Then they may pull the parent over after she drops off or before she picks up and have a quick informal check-in with her. I raised a concern about 2 different kids in one of my kid's classes (teachers did not know I work for CPS and the issues were concerning but not CPS-level) and within 2 weeks it was obvious someone had reached out to both kids' parents (I also asked and they told me they did).

You can ask at your school what the process is, and if you have concerns discuss them. If you're worried they're going to yell at her in front of everyone "Oh, hey, so and sos mom, Suzy's mom over there thinks you're not feeding your kids, is that true?" I can almost guarantee you nothing like that will happen. Teachers/Admins are human, so some have more finesse than others, but mostly I see concerns like this handled with tact, privately, and helpfully.

Good luck, let us know what happens!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see kids walking from the low income housing near me, and it never fails to amaze me to see how many will stop at the convenience store on the way and buy candy and junk food before school, and then go on, no doubt to their free FARMS breakfast. Not enough money to put a bowl of cheerios in front of the kid in the morning, but enough for junk food? Or is it just no will to put some food into the kid for breakfast?

I did the same as a kid and we had an abundace of food in the house. You know why? Candy and junk food tastes better to most kids than eggs, fruit, and toast. Plus, it felt good to go to the store and pay for things with my allowance. Stop assuming that kids go hungry. It's not a low income thing, its a kid thing.

[Anonymous]

if the little girl is asking other parents for snacks, there's clearly something wrong.

[Anonymous]

You can report this to Child Protective Services yourself. This webpage explains exactly how and what will be asked of you when you call:

http://cfsa.dc.gov/DC/CFSA/Support+the+Safety+Net/Report+Child+Abuse+and+Neglect

You could also report it to the school social worker or child's teacher, if you wish. They are "mandatory reporters" of child abuse or neglect, therefore if based on your tip, they also observe the child is malnourished, they are required to report this.

[Anonymous]

OP - I am a school social worker and I would be happy to hear your report. I would listen, and then do my own recognizance. I would not report back to you, though. There are many children in my school who are hungry; I keep food on hand for them. Many of the teachers (and the principal) have no idea. As much as I preach that behavior is sometimes directly related to hunger - as well as sleep - nobody seems to get it. I know this is a hard thing for many of us to imagine since we have ridiculous amounts of food. There are, however, many families living on the edge who have to make difficult choices. Some of the choices they make are not the best but I'm not sure how this is a child's fault.