Why is it "way over the top"?

[Anonymous]

You can't please all the people all the time. Do what makes you happy. If it gives you joy, do it.

Remember your real target audience - you and your family, especially your kids. Doing things that make you happy...that's what makes memories.

I remember the Christmases when my mom went after anything that would stand still with gold spray paint ("it's festive!"), and I remember how therapeutic it was for her to make wreaths (so. many. wreaths!) after my dad died.

I also remember the tense vibe in the house when she tried to do too much, got too perfectionistic, or was trying to live up to some imagined gold standard. To me, that defeats the whole purpose.

I think the people who say things are "over the top" are somehow under the impression that they'll be expected to match or exceed that standard, and that's not the case. Some people love to get glitter on their hands. Some people don't. Live and let live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some folks who go "over-the-top" seem like they desperately want/need validation and attention for it, which is what I find annoying (not the actual decorations, etc). My SIL is like this -- makes a big deal about all of the effort she went through for each party, posts literally dozens of staged photos (and no candids that include real kids having fun), and is constantly talking about how crafty and creative she is. So while I enjoy doing some of the same things that she does in terms of throwing a party, I can't stand going to her parties, which she treats like her personal art show, complete with an intense need to get positive feedback. With folks who don't have this attitude, I love the "over-the-top" parties.

+1

I have one friend who enjoys throwing a few elaborate parties a year, but they and seem effortless and relaxed, and so the guests have a great time. Another friend also likes to host elaborate parties but they feel like showcases for her efforts as she points out everything she did and how it fits the theme or how long it took her to think of the idea/to find it online/to craft it. She needs endless validation and appreciation for everything there and if it's not received at the party she holds what feels like a post-party wrap up. I know she enjoys all the planning, but the end result is off-putting and overshadows all the cool party stuff she does. Not saying you are doing this, but it's all about the vibe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some folks who go "over-the-top" seem like they desperately want/need validation and attention for it, which is what I find annoying (not the actual decorations, etc). My SIL is like this -- makes a big deal about all of the effort she went through for each party, posts literally dozens of staged photos (and no candids that include real kids having fun), and is constantly talking about how crafty and creative she is. So while I enjoy doing some of the same things that she does in terms of throwing a party, I can't stand going to her parties, which she treats like her personal art show, complete with an intense need to get positive feedback. With folks who don't have this attitude, I love the "over-the-top" parties.

+1

I have one friend who enjoys throwing a few elaborate parties a year, but they and seem effortless and relaxed, and so the guests have a great time. Another friend also likes to host elaborate parties but they feel like showcases for her efforts as she points out everything she did and how it fits the theme or how long it took her to think of the idea/to find it online/to craft it. She needs endless validation and appreciation for everything there and if it's not received at the party she holds what feels like a post-party wrap up. I know she enjoys all the planning, but the end result is off-putting and overshadows all the cool party stuff she does. Not saying you are doing this, but it's all about the vibe.

10:27 here. I encouraged OP to do what gives her joy, but I have to agree with these PP's. We all know people like this and they're super annoying.

[Anonymous]

First of all, I do enjoy going to a good party. I love good food. I love when the atmosphere is relaxed and the party flows.

What I do not like is a party that seems to focus on pretty things and photo ops. And, buying matching plates and napkins and putting together a useful favor is not what I'm talking about. I think that If you are spending hours and hours on a child's birthday party to then post staged pictures of the decorations on Facebook you are being pretty selfish. That time would have been better spent on your child. That is stress on the family that was unnecessary. Your kid does not appreciate the coordinating colors you so painstakingly created all while ignoring her wishes to add some Hello Kitty decoration to the Peter Pan motif.

I do not think that is what the OP is doing. Have a pumpkin party. Print the invitations off from your printer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I posted while ago about a pumpkin decorating party to get to know the parents in DC's school better and asked if PP's liked the invitation.

Now, reading the thread about the baby sprinkle I see people screaming "way over the top" to the poster who mentioned the blog with some pictures of a similar event.

When people say "way over the top" what do they mean? Aren't they pleased to attend a party where the host took a little time to put something meaningful together?

I enjoy making crafts, making an invitation like that doesn't take 5 minutes if you already have the file in our computer. I like getting glue and glitter on my hands. Is it really too much to have a cute topper on a cupcake at our party, or a banner with my child's name on it... a bunch of fresh flowers, a cute napkin matching the paper plates? Seriously? Too much? Who doesn't like matching cute stuff? It's once a year, why not have a yummy meal on a pretty set up table?

If we give away a plastic bag with crap from party express we're annoying but if we put a cute useful favor together with some personal touch we're "way over the top"?

I put DC's first birthday together in 3 nights. Seriously, I put DC to bed and in 3 nights I assembled the favors, the banner, made the cupcake toppers, ordered stuff online.. it was no big deal, I like doing it and for me it's easy. Then we invited people to celebrate with us and I hear that they think we exaggerated? I know for sure they're on DCUM and it breaks my heart to know that friends that I love and care about are as mean and vile like we read around here.

Now THIS is way over the top. Favors for a 1st birthday???

If the other kids at the party are scholl aged then why not favors?

[Anonymous]

I think if you are going to have a crafty, elaborate party because you enjoy it, then knock yourself out. But to echo a couple PPs, when I go to parties like this, it seems like people do it so they can take a bunch of soft-focus photos with their fancy cameras, put the pictures on their mommy blog, post it all over Facebook, and pin it on Pinterest so they can get lots of adulation about how wonderful they are. THAT is what is over the top IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I posted while ago about a pumpkin decorating party to get to know the parents in DC's school better and asked if PP's liked the invitation.

Now, reading the thread about the baby sprinkle I see people screaming "way over the top" to the poster who mentioned the blog with some pictures of a similar event.

When people say "way over the top" what do they mean? Aren't they pleased to attend a party where the host took a little time to put something meaningful together?

I enjoy making crafts, making an invitation like that doesn't take 5 minutes if you already have the file in our computer. I like getting glue and glitter on my hands. Is it really too much to have a cute topper on a cupcake at our party, or a banner with my child's name on it... a bunch of fresh flowers, a cute napkin matching the paper plates? Seriously? Too much? Who doesn't like matching cute stuff? It's once a year, why not have a yummy meal on a pretty set up table?

If we give away a plastic bag with crap from party express we're annoying but if we put a cute useful favor together with some personal touch we're "way over the top"?

I put DC's first birthday together in 3 nights. Seriously, I put DC to bed and in 3 nights I assembled the favors, the banner, made the cupcake toppers, ordered stuff online.. it was no big deal, I like doing it and for me it's easy. Then we invited people to celebrate with us and I hear that they think we exaggerated? I know for sure they're on DCUM and it breaks my heart to know that friends that I love and care about are as mean and vile like we read around here.

Now THIS is way over the top. Favors for a 1st birthday???

If the other kids at the party are scholl aged then why not favors?

OP here, thanks for pointing it out, PP.

I'm a former nanny and former Au Pair, my party was full of kids and they were all between ages 5-12yo. They loved the favors BTW.

[Anonymous]

I also love crafts. I think if someone comes to a celebration that you're hosting and turns up their nose at any special touches you put into it, that is a reflection on them, not you.

Do what makes you happy. I think it's great that people have little things like this that they enjoy. Who cares what other people think?

[Anonymous]

There is a really simple answer to this. Anyone who describes your efforts as being over the top is jealous of your free time, your creativity, or both.

I think what you're doing is great, and I always appreciate a party host's efforts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a really simple answer to this. Anyone who describes your efforts as being over the top is jealous of your free time, your creativity, or both.

I think what you're doing is great, and I always appreciate a party host's efforts.

Copying things you have seen on blogs or pinterest is not creativity.

[Anonymous]

I am totally uncreative myself, but that doesn't stop me from appreciating this kind of thing. If you get enjoyment and satisfaction from planning cute and crafty parties, I think that's great and would happily attend. I only think it's over the top if someone does it for the wrong reasons; not out of fun but out of a sense of competition and/or perfectionism. If it stresses you out but you do it because you think you have to, then yeah, it's over the top.

[Anonymous]

I'm the one who said it was over the top, and I agree that there's a saturation point after which I start to wonder where you found so much time to do all this stuff and why you value it more than sleep (or whatever else).

Coordinating napkins and plates, having a theme, putting up decorations, having a banner, making cupcakes and decorating them, making party favors, whatever else is all fun and good. When your party that you just whipped together looks like it was professionally planned, designed, and catered for a lot of money, I don't get the vibe that you did it for fun. Especially when it's for a young child (who won't notice) or an event that is said to be casual (like the "sprinkle"), I get the vibe that you did it because you want to impress people or you're trying to live up to some standard of parenting that is riding you like a coke monkey.

Staying up until 1am once is reasonable. Staying up several times and/or all night crosses a line. I use that example because I know lots of women who stay up until 1am prepping for their child's party and only a couple who pull all-nighters and that is one visible difference in how they're perceived that I can point to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think if you are going to have a crafty, elaborate party because you enjoy it, then knock yourself out. But to echo a couple PPs, when I go to parties like this, it seems like people do it so they can take a bunch of soft-focus photos with their fancy cameras, put the pictures on their mommy blog, post it all over Facebook, and pin it on Pinterest so they can get lots of adulation about how wonderful they are. THAT is what is over the top IMO.

Oddly enough, if people do this kind of thing semi-professionally (even just having a blog about it counts in my book), I shift the bar a little further before I think it's over the top. In that case, it's like a chef whipping up something completely fancy for a casual tea, they just can't help themselves because it's what they do. It's the people who have different full-time jobs and are always running themselves ragged on a second or third shift that I can't relate to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a really simple answer to this. Anyone who describes your efforts as being over the top is jealous of your free time, your creativity, or both.

I think what you're doing is great, and I always appreciate a party host's efforts.

This is so offensive. I'm not jealous of her free time. I have a decent amount of free time despite working full time. I'm a very creative person but my creativity goes in a different direction than children's parties. Not everyone who thinks negatively of something is jealous.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, Doing such a party would be "over the top" for me because I am not very crafty and prefer to spend my spare time doing sports and reading. I actually have a fear of hosting children's parties because I'm a bit disorganized. I FINALLY was able to pull myself together and make goody bags--and then we FORGOT to give them out because DH and I were enjoying the party. So if you see someone selling 15 goody bags on Craig's List -- that would probably be me. (-:

So if someone says that your party is over the top, they're right. It's over the top for them. Only you can say if it's over the top for you. If someone were to invite my child to a pumpkin decorating party, I would be pretty psyched. Sounds like fun. If you enjoy it, why not? Heck, the world could use more glitter.