Why is it "way over the top"?

[Anonymous]

I would probably think "hm, she's crafty".

That's it. Maybe admire you a little.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it " too much to have a cute topper on a cupcake at our party, or a banner with my child's name on it... a bunch of fresh flowers, a cute napkin matching the paper plates"?

It wouldn't be too much to do ONE of those things, but to do ALL of those things together? Yes, that's where I think it's too much. I put together my DD's 1st birthday in zero time. Literally - because we didn't celebrate it. The baby won't know. We were traveling for my job at the time.

I don't like glitter and glue and getting dirty. If you do stuff like that, I look at you and think "Wow, if you have time to do that then that is your priority over doing other things, and we have nothing in common." Also, you mentioned "cute" like four times. I HATE cute. I'm all for a goody bag with some bubbles and a kazoo or whatever, but don't need bubbles that have a label you made one night that has a picture of your DC holding a banner that says "Thanks for coming to Aiden's 2nd birthday party!" To me, that's too much.

If it makes you happy then knock yourself out. But make sure you're doing it for the right reasons - because YOU enjoy the creative side of it. Not because of what people will think of you.

I'm just curious what trauma has happened in your life to suck all the joy out of it? I mean that, seriously. You sound bitter, jaded, and unhappy. That must be really hard.

[Anonymous]

The only people who think it is over-the-top would be people who either 1. Aren't particularly crafty and aren't into that thing or 2. would like to do it but can't and are jealous. I kind of bristled at PP comment that you would be taking time away from more important things to do this. You clearly said your party was put together during your free evenings. Sounds like maybe that person is a bit jealous that you have your act together a little bit more and have time in the evenings to do this. You don't sound like the type that was forgetting to feed your children while you made fancy banners to impress your guests.

I definitely know people who enjoy that and do it purely for fun. I also know people who do it for show (usually they wind up buying most of the stuff, not doing it themselves). If you enjoy it I say run with it. I have had some more elaborate parties for my kids-when time and resources allow, and others that were much more subdued. I would have loved to of done more but just couldn't make it work. Both have worked out fine and I don't give a damn what others think. I do it for me and for my family-things we'd appreciate. And I don't think non-crafty people understand what an outlet it is for crafty people to be able to do this.

My kids are a bit older now so I definitely have found that Life has moved me away from some of the judge mental people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it " too much to have a cute topper on a cupcake at our party, or a banner with my child's name on it... a bunch of fresh flowers, a cute napkin matching the paper plates"?

It wouldn't be too much to do ONE of those things, but to do ALL of those things together? Yes, that's where I think it's too much. I put together my DD's 1st birthday in zero time. Literally - because we didn't celebrate it. The baby won't know. We were traveling for my job at the time.

I don't like glitter and glue and getting dirty. If you do stuff like that, I look at you and think "Wow, if you have time to do that then that is your priority over doing other things, and we have nothing in common." Also, you mentioned "cute" like four times. I HATE cute. I'm all for a goody bag with some bubbles and a kazoo or whatever, but don't need bubbles that have a label you made one night that has a picture of your DC holding a banner that says "Thanks for coming to Aiden's 2nd birthday party!" To me, that's too much.

If it makes you happy then knock yourself out. But make sure you're doing it for the right reasons - because YOU enjoy the creative side of it. Not because of what people will think of you.

I'm just curious what trauma has happened in your life to suck all the joy out of it? I mean that, seriously. You sound bitter, jaded, and unhappy. That must be really hard.

+1. You sure hate a lot of things. And people don't have 1st birthday parties because the child will remember it. People do it because they want to celebrate the child's 1st birthday. Plus the child will see pictures when they're older and know that you weren't too busy and important with your big important job to celebrate her or his 1st birthday.

[Anonymous]

OP, I do things that people would consider to be over the top all the time, because I'm interested in them, but they are solitary so no one ever sees or knows about them.

So yeah, I think all that decorating for a party IS over the top for a kid party, but I also think, so what? That's your thing -- embrace it with gusto! BE the parent who goes all out for party decorations and holiday decorations. My kids will envy you so much!

[Anonymous]

I think it's totally over the top and I'm also totally over the top with jealousy!!! I admit it

I'm jealous b/c you're clearly creative and crafty and I'm most definitely not, despite wishing I was. I'm jealous b/c you either have more free time than I do (no judgment on whether you work or SAH) or you are a much better time manager than I. I'm jealous b/c people like you make me feel inferior.

But...like I said, I own those jealous feelings and I would be delighted to attend your parties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I posted while ago about a pumpkin decorating party to get to know the parents in DC's school better and asked if PP's liked the invitation.

Now, reading the thread about the baby sprinkle I see people screaming "way over the top" to the poster who mentioned the blog with some pictures of a similar event.

When people say "way over the top" what do they mean? Aren't they pleased to attend a party where the host took a little time to put something meaningful together?

I enjoy making crafts, making an invitation like that doesn't take 5 minutes if you already have the file in our computer. I like getting glue and glitter on my hands. Is it really too much to have a cute topper on a cupcake at our party, or a banner with my child's name on it... a bunch of fresh flowers, a cute napkin matching the paper plates? Seriously? Too much? Who doesn't like matching cute stuff? It's once a year, why not have a yummy meal on a pretty set up table?

If we give away a plastic bag with crap from party express we're annoying but if we put a cute useful favor together with some personal touch we're "way over the top"?

I put DC's first birthday together in 3 nights. Seriously, I put DC to bed and in 3 nights I assembled the favors, the banner, made the cupcake toppers, ordered stuff online.. it was no big deal, I like doing it and for me it's easy. Then we invited people to celebrate with us and I hear that they think we exaggerated? I know for sure they're on DCUM and it breaks my heart to know that friends that I love and care about are as mean and vile like we read around here.

Now THIS is way over the top. Favors for a 1st birthday???

[Anonymous]

Honestly? I'd think a combination of the below:
- that's cute
- I'd never do it
- she has way too much time on her hands and/or her life is boring

[Anonymous]

I am somewhat crafty too, when I have the time, and I just plain enjoy doing stuff like this. The thing that I've realized is: people who are not creative think it takes a lot of mental energy and time to come up with ideas, and then to execute them. They don't realize how easy it is if your brain just works this way to begin with. To, every time someone tells me, "I'm just not crafty," or, "I'm just not creative," I am silently like, "REALLY?? But it's so easy if you just gave it 1/2 second's thought." But honestly, that's how long it takes me, but maybe some people's brains don't work this way.

*I* just wish these types didn't have to cut down on people who *are* crafty. I mean, that's pretty rude. Do I do into their house and say, "I"m just not _____[whatever they are]. YOU might be. I'm not. I never will be. The end."

Shrug. There seems to be some animosity there when people say things like this and I don't really know where it comes from, to be honest. But I try to just let it roll of my back. Different strokes for diff. folks.

[Anonymous]

Some folks who go "over-the-top" seem like they desperately want/need validation and attention for it, which is what I find annoying (not the actual decorations, etc). My SIL is like this -- makes a big deal about all of the effort she went through for each party, posts literally dozens of staged photos (and no candids that include real kids having fun), and is constantly talking about how crafty and creative she is. So while I enjoy doing some of the same things that she does in terms of throwing a party, I can't stand going to her parties, which she treats like her personal art show, complete with an intense need to get positive feedback. With folks who don't have this attitude, I love the "over-the-top" parties.

[Anonymous]

I probably wouldn't think anything of it OP except that you are creative. My kids get a big bash for the 1st birthday. Hall rental and everything. Why? Because I did it for the first and kids compare pics when they get older. Also why not? What's wrong with having a party? Some of you need to relax, especially that oh so busy mom on the first page.

[Anonymous]

OP, if your friends/family generally are nice, reasonable, and not catty, they are not going to bash you for spending time doing something you enjoy for a kid's party.

I have friends who enjoy cooking and being crafty--I don't enjoy either. I always like visiting them, even though it gives me a little twinge of regret for not spending more time cooking and decorating. Oh well--maybe when the baby is sleeping through the night I'll have more time to cook, clean, and maybe even garden a little, which is what I really enjoy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I put DC's first birthday together in 3 nights. Seriously, I put DC to bed and in 3 nights I assembled the favors, the banner, made the cupcake toppers, ordered stuff online.. it was no big deal, I like doing it and for me it's easy. Then we invited people to celebrate with us and I hear that they think we exaggerated? I know for sure they're on DCUM and it breaks my heart to know that friends that I love and care about are as mean and vile like we read around here.

Sounds like your "friends" are part of the problem.

I also think that the hosts' tone can make a big difference. I took my son to a 5th birthday party that was crazy elaborate. The most work for a kid's party I've ever seen! But the intention was very clearly to give the kids a good time (which they did). And when asked about all the hard work, the hosts could honestly say that planning for their one child's party was a fun hobby, something they enjoyed doing as a family. They had fun with it, the kids loved the party, and there was no sense of trying to out do anybody. (I confess, that I had some small feelings of envy, like I SHOULD do more with our parties, but really, the pure joy and good intentions of the event helped me get past them.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's totally over the top and I'm also totally over the top with jealousy!!! I admit it

I'm jealous b/c you're clearly creative and crafty and I'm most definitely not, despite wishing I was. I'm jealous b/c you either have more free time than I do (no judgment on whether you work or SAH) or you are a much better time manager than I. I'm jealous b/c people like you make me feel inferior.

But...like I said, I own those jealous feelings and I would be delighted to attend your parties.

Me too! I so wish I was crafty, but even when I try it looks like a 2nd grade project gone amuck. But, I would be jealous in a good and happy way - like, I'm so happy to have friends with awesome talents. I would take pictures of your cupcake topper.

Maybe you just need better friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only people who think it is over-the-top would be people who either 1. Aren't particularly crafty and aren't into that thing or 2. would like to do it but can't and are jealous. I kind of bristled at PP comment that you would be taking time away from more important things to do this. You clearly said your party was put together during your free evenings. Sounds like maybe that person is a bit jealous that you have your act together a little bit more and have time in the evenings to do this. You don't sound like the type that was forgetting to feed your children while you made fancy banners to impress your guests.

I definitely know people who enjoy that and do it purely for fun. I also know people who do it for show (usually they wind up buying most of the stuff, not doing it themselves). If you enjoy it I say run with it. I have had some more elaborate parties for my kids-when time and resources allow, and others that were much more subdued. I would have loved to of done more but just couldn't make it work. Both have worked out fine and I don't give a damn what others think. I do it for me and for my family-things we'd appreciate. And I don't think non-crafty people understand what an outlet it is for crafty people to be able to do this.

My kids are a bit older now so I definitely have found that Life has moved me away from some of the judge mental people.

I'm the PP who didn't do anything for our 1 yr old's birthday, and #1 totally applies to me. I just don't see the appeal of it at all. I think also, the only time I've experienced people who ARE into it, they've always been the people who want a lot of praise and validation for all their work, which turns me off.