People without kids

[Anonymous]

12:54 poster here:

To address 15:14 poster who said

To the poster who thought her sister would be a great Mom and wanted to tell her to have kids because it would make her happy? Wow. You might have noticed from posts on this very board that motherhood does not necessarily make all women happy. Maybe your sister is not your identical emotional twin. In any case I can tell you with certainty that she knows her better than you know her.

Thanks for your input, but I haven't said anything to my sister for the precise reasons that you stated -- she's not my emotional twin (although we are very, very similar), and of course she knows herself better than I know her. What I do know is that she's not happy with her life as it is, and is constantly searching for happiness despite having professional success, a wonderful husband, and good friends. I know it's not my place to tell her how to be happy, but all I want for her is to feel fulfilled because I love and respect her very much.

[Anonymous]

"Us moms are the ones who will create the future of our country, while the childless women will leave the world without a bloodline to carry on. "

I found this comment about as narrow minded as the thought that only those of us with children can experience true love. Those of us moms who became that way by adopting our children rather than birthing them are no less participating in raising those who will be the future of our country, despite the fact that are not from our own bloodline.

[Anonymous]

I respect others' decisions not to have children. BUt the people who have dogs and call them their kids is just plain weird! DOG does NOT equal child!!!! DOGS are NOT human!
Sorry, this is a sore point for me. My MIL refers to her daughters' dogs as our kids' cousins and it really ticks me off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I respect others' decisions not to have children. BUt the people who have dogs and call them their kids is just plain weird! DOG does NOT equal child!!!! DOGS are NOT human!
Sorry, this is a sore point for me. My MIL refers to her daughters' dogs as our kids' cousins and it really ticks me off.

Seriously, why do you care? Let people feel the way they do. It doesn't affect you in any way. Letting little crap like this get under your skin is a waste of time and energy.

[Anonymous]

There are a number of different perspectivies on this and no 'right answer'. I beleive (hope) this was intended as a philosophical question and will respond in kind. I always wanted children but first b/c I had no significant partner until post-30 and then b/c we/I had such difficulty getting and remaining pregnant I really thought it may never happen. I am overjoyed that I have a DS and another child on the way. My MIL always asks "Did you ever think you could love something so much?" and I don't think I would have ever felt this level/ type of love toward another being. That doesn't mean I don't have other wonderful relationships, or that I believe if things had not worked out for us in the end that I would have led an 'unfulfilled' life. Nor does this mean I don't love it when a friend or family member wtaches the children so I can have a brief interlude of pre-baby ease in activity......So you just go in different directions depending on your options / choices - not better or worse but I do think different.

I have friends who have never had children - some by choice, others not and their opinions obviously vary. I know many close friends love to spend time with my and others children and some would admit to missing that 'special' bond. Others who have chosen not to have children believe (and most times do) have wonderful relationships with the children in their lives, in the way they want them. My DS's godmother and our future daughter's godfather both do not have children but love spending time around them. This works for them and they in no way ,miss or suffer from lask of this relationship. Though I would say and I think they would agree - they cannot understand the 'feeling' one has toward your children.

Finally - some mothers obviously do not have the same bond many of us feel toward thier children - just watch the news on any given day. Now if you don't always feel or yet feel like you love your child unconditionally, you are very normal. My greatest wish is that if one would allow harm to come to their children, please allow someone else to love them as they deserve

[Anonymous]

I know a lot of women who are childless by choice and are incredibly happy. they just didn't want the responsibilities of having children, never had a desire for it. they have husbands, family and friends who all enrich them.

having said all that, I have never known a love like the love I have for DS. without hesitation, I would hurl myself in front of a moving train for him. I can't think of anyone else I would do that for -- again, without hesitation -- even DH.

who knows what those childless women would be like with children? hard to say. but, I don't think they miss what they don't have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:the OP did not ask if people were happier with kids, she asked if they knew true love", without kids. Unconditional. Not the kind you have for your husband, it could end, but TRUE LOVE. I say, if you don't have kids, you could not possible know what true, UNCONDITIONAL love feels like. Happier or not. FYI not a Nazi, where ever that came from.

Anyone who has seen an few episodes of Law & Order knows that even parents do not unconditionally love their offspring.


Amy

[Anonymous]

Okay, this is going to sound sappy, but I really do think I love my husband unconditionally. So, no I don't think you need to have a child to feel unconditional love. Maybe it's because I met my husband when we were 20 and we've been together 15 years (14 of them without a child, including over a year we travelled together spending almost 100% of that time with one another)? Now of course we fight (and quite a bit at times for the first 8-9 years) and have disagreements, but I really do think "no matter what" I would still love him (maybe not like him or his actions, depending, but love him nonetheless).

At the same time, I am so appreciative we decided (and were able to) have kids. But not because of the love part. To me motherhood is the biggest challenges of life. And I thrive on big challenges.....!

[Anonymous]

I have a nine-month old child and I feel like my life and my sense of love has another dimension since he was born. BUT from that personal experience to say that someone else who doesn't have kids or who doesn't have biological kids is missing something? No way.

That attitude reminds me of the superciliousness of certain religious people who think that the rest of us are "lost" or "searching for something." People make their own meaning in life and many do it without kids. Others do it without god. And some with dogs!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I respect others' decisions not to have children. BUt the people who have dogs and call them their kids is just plain weird! DOG does NOT equal child!!!! DOGS are NOT human!
Sorry, this is a sore point for me. My MIL refers to her daughters' dogs as our kids' cousins and it really ticks me off.

totally agree with you , dogs are not like children. i hate that too ppl should not compare children with dogs or cats or anything thats just crazy.!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I respect others' decisions not to have children. BUt the people who have dogs and call them their kids is just plain weird! DOG does NOT equal child!!!! DOGS are NOT human!
Sorry, this is a sore point for me. My MIL refers to her daughters' dogs as our kids' cousins and it really ticks me off.

Seriously, why do you care? Let people feel the way they do. It doesn't affect you in any way. Letting little crap like this get under your skin is a waste of time and energy.

why shouldn't she care ??? its her opinion !? she has a right to feel the way she wants too. !!

[Anonymous]

I honestly can't say that I love my dogs less than my children. I love them differently. -- Amy

[Anonymous]

And, dogs are good for unconditional love, but don't hold grudges or throw temper tantrums.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay, this is going to sound sappy, but I really do think I love my husband unconditionally. So, no I don't think you need to have a child to feel unconditional love. Maybe it's because I met my husband when we were 20 and we've been together 15 years (14 of them without a child, including over a year we travelled together spending almost 100% of that time with one another)? Now of course we fight (and quite a bit at times for the first 8-9 years) and have disagreements, but I really do think "no matter what" I would still love him (maybe not like him or his actions, depending, but love him nonetheless).

At the same time, I am so appreciative we decided (and were able to) have kids. But not because of the love part. To me motherhood is the biggest challenges of life. And I thrive on big challenges.....!

You do not unconditionally love your husband, what if he cheated on you, numerous times, beat you or worse, killed your child. The love can end.

[maynie]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay, this is going to sound sappy, but I really do think I love my husband unconditionally. So, no I don't think you need to have a child to feel unconditional love. Maybe it's because I met my husband when we were 20 and we've been together 15 years (14 of them without a child, including over a year we travelled together spending almost 100% of that time with one another)? Now of course we fight (and quite a bit at times for the first 8-9 years) and have disagreements, but I really do think "no matter what" I would still love him (maybe not like him or his actions, depending, but love him nonetheless).

At the same time, I am so appreciative we decided (and were able to) have kids. But not because of the love part. To me motherhood is the biggest challenges of life. And I thrive on big challenges.....!

You do not unconditionally love your husband, what if he cheated on you, numerous times, beat you or worse, killed your child. The love can end.

Under these same circumstances, the love your child has for you can end also.