At the pool, do you discipline other people's kids?

[Anonymous]

It wasn't at a pool, but last year at a playground some boys around 8-9YO were playing on the small jungle gym when there are 2 large ones just next to it. They were throwing little metal cars up the sliding board, very close to where my 18mo was. The first time, I let it go, thinking they would realize their mistake. The second time, I said nicely, "guys, you're getting very close to hitting her." Well, the third time, I picked up the cars, stood over them, and lectured them, "You are throwing cars at a baby! Go play on the big jungle gym!" I got through to them and they took the cars to the big jungle gym. I think they thought I was going to keep their cars. I didn't see a parent in sight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At our pool "community parenting" is well-known and, in fact, expected. If adults are seen ignoring misbehaving kids who are near them then they get the stink-eye. Kind of like, "Why aren't you holding up your end of the deal and letting them get away with that?" The kids are pretty feral at our pool and it wouldn't be do-able unless everyone was on-board.

This is my pool too. I love it.

You know, our pool is like this to and as a parent of a young one who does pay attention, I have to say I resent it. Let me be clear, I don't mind a little bit of policing and I do it. I was a lifeguard for years so I don't think I'll ever completely relax at a pool and that's fine. But many people at my pool (PGPool / cool-pool) have this really laid back "it takes a village" attitude, and it feels like I'm doing more policing than others.

I'm sure most of the problems are the same everywhere - commenters from other pools have the same issues, older kids trying to sneak into the 0-6 pool (and I'm not talking about siblings, but as others have noted, older kids coming during adult swim), no enforcement of the rules, etc. And by enforcement of the rules, it clearly says no roughhousing. Does that mean I care if two 5 year olds splash one another? No. But kids are just barreling all around the pool and pushing and shoving one another down, wrestling with no body awareness or any awareness of others around them, hitting one another with kickboards, throwing the plastic crap around, etc. My little dude has gotten knocked down HARD, more than once, even though I'm always with him and trying to keep him steady and away from the other kids.

So yes, I intervene. I don't "discipline' but if it it an older kid I'll tell them to cut it out, and I'll also ask "where's your parent?" If there are no parents with them, I'll kick them out. There are tons of other people at our pool who do the same thing. But I have to wonder if the "it takes a village" or "community parenting" crowd realize how often their kids are actually causing problems for others' children, and that not everyone wants to community parent? I take full responsibility for my own child at the pool. When he's a 6 or 7 year old and is in the baby pool knocking little kids around, you can bet I'll be on it and not waiting for someone else to "community parent" him. Anyway, posters, please don't be so sure that everyone is as enthused about the group parenting thing - i guarantee they are not.

[Anonymous]

at the pool, that's the job of the lifeguards. tell them if a kid is being obnoxious.

[Anonymous]

I absolutely tell older/bigger kids who are behaving poorly to knock it off or take it elsewhere. Throwing/kicking sand, swinging sticks in close quarters, throwing pool toys in close quarters, squirting people they don't know with water guns, playing frisbee across picnic tables, etc. I don't know if it's my former lifeguard and former teacher vibe or just the fact that an adult is actually noticing and speaking to them, but they always move on and nobody's ever made an issue of it. It's almost always an issue about the location or the fact that most of the kids nearby are smaller, so it's not unreasonable to suggest a more open or remote location for what they're doing.

[Anonymous]

At our pool the lifeguards are pretty good about calling kids (and adults!) on prohibited behavior in/around the big pool. In the baby pool, it's usually up to parents, and most are pretty good at keeping control of their kids. I've called kids in the baby pool on their behavior a couple of times, with no problem (it usually turns out the worst offenders are slightly older and unattended, which isn't surprising).

The rules at our pool are pretty clear and well-known to members; they understand that they are at risk of losing their membership if they are the source of frequent problems/complaints. The times when there have been major issues it seems like it is mostly from guests who probably aren't fully aware of the rules. One weekend recently there was a large party, and you could tell the lifeguards were just exasperated - whistles going off constantly. But that has been the exception.

A couple of PPs mentioned problems with Tuckahoe - out of curiosity, why aren't you (and others) raising your concerns to the lifeguards (at the time) and your board (after the fact)? I've seen our board president talk to the lifeguards on site about a problem - I think seeing that kind of engagement definitely helps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did recently. Playing in the baby pool with my toddler, a five-ish year old kept squirting me with a water gun. I finally turned around and asked that they stop. Half an hour later, as they were leaving, the mom came over to me and said "if you're in the pool you should expect to be splashed."

Splashed as part of general water splashiness, yes. Deliberately aimed at by a child, absolutely not and you bet I'm going to say something.

the nerve of that woman! What did you answer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Twice now, I have, when kids were tormenting either my child or other very small kids with squirt guns or cannons. On one occasion I took a squirt gun and threw it over the baby pool fence. On another occasion I hollered STOP IT RIGHT NOW. The kid looked at me in a daze and then ran to his mother on the other side of the pool park. He then came back about ten minutes later and apologized to me. I assume after he told his mother what happened she took my side.

I think this is too much. Great modeling of how to be a bully.

Oh for the love! A bully. Right. Go console your 13 year old who got mad because someone hurt his feewings.

Throwing a toy over a fence? Hollering across the pool? Sounds like someone needs an anger management class. Admit it, you wouldn't tolerate your child acting that way.

Ummm yes, discipline is bullying and adults need anger management because they raise their voices to get a child's attention. Good luck with that philosophy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Twice now, I have, when kids were tormenting either my child or other very small kids with squirt guns or cannons. On one occasion I took a squirt gun and threw it over the baby pool fence. On another occasion I hollered STOP IT RIGHT NOW. The kid looked at me in a daze and then ran to his mother on the other side of the pool park. He then came back about ten minutes later and apologized to me. I assume after he told his mother what happened she took my side.

I think this is too much. Great modeling of how to be a bully.

Oh for the love! A bully. Right. Go console your 13 year old who got mad because someone hurt his feewings.

Throwing a toy over a fence? Hollering across the pool? Sounds like someone needs an anger management class. Admit it, you wouldn't tolerate your child acting that way.

Ummm yes, discipline is bullying and adults need anger management because they raise their voices to get a child's attention. Good luck with that philosophy.

Taking a toy away is discipline. Throwing it over a fence is insane.

[Anonymous]

So....if I had somehow been able to take the squirt gun away (away where?) while balancing my toddler in her raft and managed to keep the squirt gun hidden in my bathing suit (um?) from this kid after he repeatedly squirted it in my kid's face and eyes and my kid screamed hysterically....that would have been an acceptable scenario to you.

But throwing it over the fence into the other pool section, spending one second removing a danger from all...not acceptable because I was modeling bullying behavior to this little hooligan. Yeah. That makes complete sense.

Of course, since you weren't there to proctor me through, I just had to handle it on my own. I don't know how I get through the day without you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Twice now, I have, when kids were tormenting either my child or other very small kids with squirt guns or cannons. On one occasion I took a squirt gun and threw it over the baby pool fence. On another occasion I hollered STOP IT RIGHT NOW. The kid looked at me in a daze and then ran to his mother on the other side of the pool park. He then came back about ten minutes later and apologized to me. I assume after he told his mother what happened she took my side.

I think this is too much. Great modeling of how to be a bully.

Oh for the love! A bully. Right. Go console your 13 year old who got mad because someone hurt his feewings.

Throwing a toy over a fence? Hollering across the pool? Sounds like someone needs an anger management class. Admit it, you wouldn't tolerate your child acting that way.

Ummm yes, discipline is bullying and adults need anger management because they raise their voices to get a child's attention. Good luck with that philosophy.

Taking a toy away is discipline. Throwing it over a fence is insane.

It's effective. Those kids will remember never to fuck around when that mom is there. And obviously it wasn't too bad if the mom of the offender made the offender go apologize to "insane" mom.

[Anonymous]

What pools are you guys going to? We've been members at two local pools, and have been guests at two other pools, and I've never seen any of the behavior that is mentioned here. I'm always with my young kids and in the water with them. Both in the big pool and baby pool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At our pool "community parenting" is well-known and, in fact, expected. If adults are seen ignoring misbehaving kids who are near them then they get the stink-eye. Kind of like, "Why aren't you holding up your end of the deal and letting them get away with that?" The kids are pretty feral at our pool and it wouldn't be do-able unless everyone was on-board.

This is my pool too. I love it.

You know, our pool is like this to and as a parent of a young one who does pay attention, I have to say I resent it. Let me be clear, I don't mind a little bit of policing and I do it. I was a lifeguard for years so I don't think I'll ever completely relax at a pool and that's fine. But many people at my pool (PGPool / cool-pool) have this really laid back "it takes a village" attitude, and it feels like I'm doing more policing than others.

I'm sure most of the problems are the same everywhere - commenters from other pools have the same issues, older kids trying to sneak into the 0-6 pool (and I'm not talking about siblings, but as others have noted, older kids coming during adult swim), no enforcement of the rules, etc. And by enforcement of the rules, it clearly says no roughhousing. Does that mean I care if two 5 year olds splash one another? No. But kids are just barreling all around the pool and pushing and shoving one another down, wrestling with no body awareness or any awareness of others around them, hitting one another with kickboards, throwing the plastic crap around, etc. My little dude has gotten knocked down HARD, more than once, even though I'm always with him and trying to keep him steady and away from the other kids.

So yes, I intervene. I don't "discipline' but if it it an older kid I'll tell them to cut it out, and I'll also ask "where's your parent?" If there are no parents with them, I'll kick them out. There are tons of other people at our pool who do the same thing. But I have to wonder if the "it takes a village" or "community parenting" crowd realize how often their kids are actually causing problems for others' children, and that not everyone wants to community parent? I take full responsibility for my own child at the pool. When he's a 6 or 7 year old and is in the baby pool knocking little kids around, you can bet I'll be on it and not waiting for someone else to "community parent" him. Anyway, posters, please don't be so sure that everyone is as enthused about the group parenting thing - i guarantee they are not.

Are you new to PGPool? That is the culture there and it is very unlikely to change. We all have a job there and that is what makes it a co-op (shared accountability). It sounds like you spend your time policing the baby pool. I do a lot with plastic city and the sand now, but I was baby pool for a few years, too. We all have our places on the grounds that we frequent, just like our usual spots that we sit in and times that we go there.
Consider posting a message on the listserve reminding people to keep the big kids out of the baby pool. I'm sure you know if you have been there for any number of years that it is usually this time of year that someone does that. Plus, you know to stay out of the baby pool during adult swim, right? That is the only time the bigger kids (6-7 yr olds) go in there.

[Anonymous]

We live in an apt with a shared pool, and the 'deep end' is off-limits to kids. So usually it is my kids trying to get in the way of the big kids who are playing. The older kids are actually great - they are careful and even share their toys/games with my kids. It's awesome.

I do try to keep in mind that these are all kids. They are just playing. And so if/when I need to bring something to the attention of a bigger kid, I use my manners and say 'please' and 'thank you'. Like, 'Hey, watch out for the little kids please!' or 'Hey hon you're too close'. If there is an issue with squirting, then I ask 'Could you please watch where you're squirting? Thanks!'. 99% of the time just one, nice, clear reminder is all it takes.

I do have to say, as a mom of 2 high-energy, rambunctious boys who constantly test limits, that this stuff comes out of my mouth before I can even think about it. It would probably irk me more if I had laid back, obedient girls

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Twice now, I have, when kids were tormenting either my child or other very small kids with squirt guns or cannons. On one occasion I took a squirt gun and threw it over the baby pool fence. On another occasion I hollered STOP IT RIGHT NOW. The kid looked at me in a daze and then ran to his mother on the other side of the pool park. He then came back about ten minutes later and apologized to me. I assume after he told his mother what happened she took my side.

I think this is too much. Great modeling of how to be a bully.

Oh for the love! A bully. Right. Go console your 13 year old who got mad because someone hurt his feewings.

Throwing a toy over a fence? Hollering across the pool? Sounds like someone needs an anger management class. Admit it, you wouldn't tolerate your child acting that way.

Ummm yes, discipline is bullying and adults need anger management because they raise their voices to get a child's attention. Good luck with that philosophy.

Taking a toy away is discipline. Throwing it over a fence is insane.

It's effective. Those kids will remember never to fuck around when that mom is there. And obviously it wasn't too bad if the mom of the offender made the offender go apologize to "insane" mom.

Are those the types of problem solving skills you want to model? Why not take it away and give it to a staff member instead?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Twice now, I have, when kids were tormenting either my child or other very small kids with squirt guns or cannons. On one occasion I took a squirt gun and threw it over the baby pool fence. On another occasion I hollered STOP IT RIGHT NOW. The kid looked at me in a daze and then ran to his mother on the other side of the pool park. He then came back about ten minutes later and apologized to me. I assume after he told his mother what happened she took my side.

I think this is too much. Great modeling of how to be a bully.

Oh for the love! A bully. Right. Go console your 13 year old who got mad because someone hurt his feewings.

Throwing a toy over a fence? Hollering across the pool? Sounds like someone needs an anger management class. Admit it, you wouldn't tolerate your child acting that way.

Ummm yes, discipline is bullying and adults need anger management because they raise their voices to get a child's attention. Good luck with that philosophy.

Taking a toy away is discipline. Throwing it over a fence is insane.

It's effective. Those kids will remember never to fuck around when that mom is there. And obviously it wasn't too bad if the mom of the offender made the offender go apologize to "insane" mom.

Are those the types of problem solving skills you want to model? Why not take it away and give it to a staff member instead?

I have literally zero problems modeling those problem solving skills. If the staff members had been paying attention, they'd have handled the situation. If they're not paying attention and it's up to me to parent the little shits of the pool, I have no problems using actions they will understand. Throwing a gun that is terrorizing little kids over a fence is not going to traumatize these kids. It's going to get across the message that it's not acceptable and it won't be tolerated.