Teenager Smoking pot

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for all the advice. In addition to grounding him, any other suggestions for consequences? I know the college student who is selling it. Should I provide an anonymous tip to the police? Should I tell his school about one or two of the boys who are really promoting pot use? If they get kicked out it would really scare my son and it would be one less temptation.

You are a horrible person. As a general rule you should avoid trying to mess up other people's lives, have them thrown out of college, etc. Your own son is probably "promoting pot use".

As a general rule, it is illegal to sell pot. I'd argue it is also especially unethical for an adult (over 21) to sell drugs to a 15 year old. Frankly I'd like to get drug pushers/sellers off the streets. They have messed up millions of people's lives, including my sisters, who is now dead. If a college student is selling drugs they should know they are risking being arrested and kicked out of school. By selling drugs they are messing up their own life.

I understand why you're sensitive about the situation, but you think the drug sellers ruined your sister's life, not that she did?

My sister was murdered by a drug dealer, so yes, I think he ruined her life.

[Anonymous]

Anyone else successfully get their teenager to stop smoking pot and/or change their friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We went through this and just dealt with our own kid. I had no evidence about others and frankly didn't consider it my business. And I did not assume that my kid was an innocent bystander. And the other kids were not "the wrong sort", just smart kids doing dumb stuff.

We grounded, drug tested (nothing else found), and are much stricter on activities and supervision. So far so good. Grades back up and better attitude.

We did this also - we created a rock bottom by a harsh and extended grounding - no phone, no computer, no activities, nothing. We did not drug test, but our doctor recommended buying some and doing it periodically just to show them that you will. Our most recent issue is alcohol, and I did buy a breathalyzer. Repeating same grounding process, and it appears to be working. Unfortunately my kid appears to have to keep learning the same lesson again, but with slightly different issues. Very frustrating. Hang in there, but definitely come down hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else successfully get their teenager to stop smoking pot and/or change their friends?

Grounding, if its severe enough, might make the bad friends lose interest. It worked for DD - her chief bad influence found other girls to hang out with and replaced DD with others.

I will also say I agree with PP who said don't assume your kid is the angel and the others are the bad influences. Its probably not that simple.

[Anonymous]

Yes, report the dealer. Come down hard and be strong!

[Anonymous]

One other thought - I would report the dealer, but not his peers. IMO the dealer is fair game. Peers - promoting pot use? Look, you basically are just trying to get everyone in trouble except your kid. That's not really fair.

[Anonymous]

Just deal with your own kid. You could be making a mistake by assuming you know who the dealers and who the users are and end up causing problems for the wrong kids.

You know what your kid did, so just deal with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else successfully get their teenager to stop smoking pot and/or change their friends?

Grounding, if its severe enough, might make the bad friends lose interest. It worked for DD - her chief bad influence found other girls to hang out with and replaced DD with others.

I will also say I agree with PP who said don't assume your kid is the angel and the others are the bad influences. Its probably not that simple.

Agree. We grounded for a month and that seemed to be long enough for the friend group to shift around a bit. And DC was so bored that the threat of another grounding seems to be a deterrent.

[Anonymous]

OP, how well do you know the other kids and their parents?

We found out that our son was smoking pot when he and his best friend got busted by the cops. Turns out, the other family had known for months that their kid was using and they were seeing a family counselor. Our kids had been best friends for years, and they never mentioned it to us since it was a "private family matter". In my mind, two kids are best friends they are either doing the same thing, or know about it. We live in the same neighborhood and to this day I won't speak to them. That's how angry I am.

After that, we took very seriously a responsibility to communicate with friends' parents. A buddy invited him on a ski weekend. DH called the child's mom and explained that DS had been caught with pot and that we would be searching his bags before they departed, and what was her philosophy on kids and drugs/alcohol. When we caught DS sneaking in after meeting up with a girl after curfew, we called the girl's parents and let them know what had happened.

Yes, kids did drugs back when we were young. But I think in this day and age of computers and iPhones, parents aren't communicating and don't know their children's friends and friends' parents and that can only add to the problem.

We didn't bust our kid to the school counselor but we did ask for some guidance. "We're concerned about DS's grades and whether he's making the most responsible choices in his life. Any thoughts you have on his behavior, his choice of friends at school, etc?" Counselor is no dummy, he knew what was going on and offered some constructive advice, at the same time had no solid reason to suspend our child.

[Anonymous]

I advise you to not get involved with your sons friends or his dealer. It's really none of your business to try to get whoever is selling to him kicked out of college. If you need that to scare your son out of smoking pot, you obviously need to tighten the reins on your parenting. I suggest having a serious discussion with him about the repercussions of his behavior, and grounding him for awhile. Telling him he has to change his friends is unrealistic, unless they go around beating people up and stealing stuff. pot is pot, yes it's an illegal drug. but he isn't shooting up, or stabbing anyone. have a conversation with him, and then do random tests. tell him what to do if he's ever in a situation where he's offered pot. it'll be easier than turning into psycho-mom and probably even strengthen your relationship.

- 15 year old teenage girl i have a very good relationship with both my parents, loads of my friends smoke pot excessively and maintain 95+ GPA's. I don't condone it and I don't join in on it, but it's 2012 and you need to recognize that. tell him to boost his grades up or there will be worse consequences.

[Anonymous]

I'm an ongoing pothead (once every 3 weeks or so) and even I think this is crazy: the dealer sold to a FIFTEEN YEAR OLD. Bust him!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I advise you to not get involved with your sons friends or his dealer. It's really none of your business to try to get whoever is selling to him kicked out of college. If you need that to scare your son out of smoking pot, you obviously need to tighten the reins on your parenting. I suggest having a serious discussion with him about the repercussions of his behavior, and grounding him for awhile. Telling him he has to change his friends is unrealistic, unless they go around beating people up and stealing stuff. pot is pot, yes it's an illegal drug. but he isn't shooting up, or stabbing anyone. have a conversation with him, and then do random tests. tell him what to do if he's ever in a situation where he's offered pot. it'll be easier than turning into psycho-mom and probably even strengthen your relationship.

- 15 year old teenage girl i have a very good relationship with both my parents, loads of my friends smoke pot excessively and maintain 95+ GPA's. I don't condone it and I don't join in on it, but it's 2012 and you need to recognize that. tell him to boost his grades up or there will be worse consequences.

Wow, so OP would be a 'psycho mom' because she is worried about her son's pot use and wants to steer her son away from kids influencing him?? Hmm. let me say this nicely - you are a kid and don't know shit. Just because you are able to be above the peer pressure doesn't mean other kids are the same way too. You don't have kids (right?) so everything you say is just little girl crap, okay?

[Anonymous]

I agree with the "more munchies" poster - it's not the pot, it's the kid. It's not the drug, it's the person. Much of the tech boom in the 70s in silicon valley resulted from drug use. Parents who are concerned about their kids' (or their own) moral turpitude will focus on the drugs. If you have not raised a strong, creative, resourceful child, marijuana is not your problem.

[Anonymous]

I don't have much of a problem with pot per se (I smoked a lot in my early 20s), but I would be concerned with getting to the bottom of whether or not your son has an addictive personality.

If he does, he's not going to stop at a little pot -- he will move on to harder stuff and/or alcohol. I know from personal experience, I almost died from acute alcoholism until I sobered up.

I know that not everyone believes that addiction is a "disease", but those of us who truly struggle with addiction know better.

OP, if your son just enjoys getting buzzed, pot is less harmful than alcohol. But if this is just the beginning of a larger problem with addiction, you should take it very seriously. Does addiction run in your family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not over-react. The falling grades is a real problem, a little pot is

not.

Obviously, a little pot is a problem. He is with a bad crowd and has failing grades caused by smoking pot with his deal friends.