Teenager Smoking pot

[Anonymous]

My DS has been telling me that he only tried pot and that although some of his friends smoke pot he isn't smoking it. I saw some texts on his cell phone (I have told him that I might check his phone if I have concerns about his behavior) confirming that he is in fact smoking and buying pot. I feel betrayed, angry and concerned. Do I ground him? Drug test him? He will loose these friends and not really have any friends if he doesn't smoke because I believe their relationship is all about pot. Do I come down hard or try to have a heart to heart. I thought he was being honest with me. His grades are also dropping. Ugh, really feeling upset...

[Anonymous]

Sorry - that is very traumatic, and you must be in real pain. My own view is that you have to be the parent, and look out for his long term interest. Current friends are just that - current - and he (hopefully) has a long drug-free life to live. You need to come down hard, not negotiate, not compromise. What exactly that means I don't know. You might try to find a drug hotline, as I assume you don't want to go to the school counselor.

[Anonymous]

I would not over-react. The falling grades is a real problem, a little pot is not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not over-react. The falling grades is a real problem, a little pot is not.

Actually, the inverse is true. A little pot is illegal. Falling grades suck but aren't a crime. Also, there is a direct correlation between the pot use and poor grades, especailly since it sounds like he's fallen into "that crowd," who typically aren't the most motivated of students.

OP, I wouldn't worry about him losing his friends. Sounds like he NEEDS to lose these friends.

[Anonymous]

I think the entire situation is a problem: legal, social and academic.

OP, he could get expelled if he got caught with pot at school. He could get arrested if caught by the police. You have got to persuade him to stop immediately. He should lose these friends.

I'd ground him and start random testing.

[Anonymous]

P.S. Come down hard AND have a heart to heart. I've got a 15-year-old son. No pot smoking but I've thought lots about what I'd do. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Come down hard, follow up, try to understand what he likes about it, read beautiful boy, he should too, keep checking on him a lot from now on. It will make him feel loved as much as he will outwardly chafe. Get really educated. Pot today is different. Drug test to get a baseline likely may be doing pills, or other drugs. From a mom whose kid started with pot now addicted to heroin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Come down hard, follow up, try to understand what he likes about it, read beautiful boy, he should too, keep checking on him a lot from now on. It will make him feel loved as much as he will outwardly chafe. Get really educated. Pot today is different. Drug test to get a baseline likely may be doing pills, or other drugs. From a mom whose kid started with pot now addicted to heroin.

I have no idea if this is true, but I do know I've been hearing it for the last 30 years.

[Anonymous]

Do the research. It is different.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you have a history of addiction in your family, this may be addiction showing up in the younger generation. If you do have addicts in your family, take your son's pot use very seriously.

[Anonymous]

I'm with the come down hard crowd. And where is Dad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do the research. It is different.

Of course it isn't. The drugs paranoia just needs something new to feed it.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for all the advice. In addition to grounding him, any other suggestions for consequences? I know the college student who is selling it. Should I provide an anonymous tip to the police? Should I tell his school about one or two of the boys who are really promoting pot use? If they get kicked out it would really scare my son and it would be one less temptation.

[Anonymous]

We went through this and just dealt with our own kid. I had no evidence about others and frankly didn't consider it my business. And I did not assume that my kid was an innocent bystander. And the other kids were not "the wrong sort", just smart kids doing dumb stuff.

We grounded, drug tested (nothing else found), and are much stricter on activities and supervision. So far so good. Grades back up and better attitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do the research. It is different.

What research is that exactly? Buy some pot and see if it seems stronger? Read some rants by anti-drug (or pro-pot?) crusaders on the internet? Or review published scientific literature on the subject?

Last I checked the anti-drug "war" made it almost impossible for anyone to do any scientific research around marijuana.