Husband taking wife's name?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am going to say it...I think it makes the man look like a wimp when he takes the female's name. There are some things that I think should stay traditional....why? I am not sure thats how I feel.

FWIW I believe that women should have equal rights...hell I make more than my DH and will always work. But there are sometimes when you need to let DH have his "balls" back and this classifies as one of them.

I need to be able to look at my DH and see a man...a strong man...not some wimp who took my name willingly.

Well I think your husband making less money is a lot wimpier than if he had taken your last name.

I took my husband's last name, but if I had to choose, I'd choose a provider who took my last name. Not someone who's a man in name only, literally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your mom is a real peach.

She actually is a wonderful person. She has three other DILs who adore her. This particular brother is marrying pretty late in life (he is 45) and his bride to be is just 26. I think she is a little immature and strange to expect a man of this age to take her name. What can I say, I am just glad my brother is getting married. He has had many girlfriends and a few fiances, but never settled down. His career won't be hurt by the name change, but like other PPs have said he will look like a whimp to his guy friends. But he adores his fiance, and he wants kids. I just hope they can do what makes them happy.

Sounds like a good guy. If I was you, I would straight up tell him how I feel. You're a better sister than I am

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It takes a stronger man to buck tradition and take his wife's name than go with the flow and make her change her name.

Great point.

[Anonymous]

I didn't change my name. DH kept his. Our kids have mine as their middle name. On their SS cards, my DH filled out their last name as hyphenated with mine first.

I personally wanted to keep my last name when we got married. Now with kids, I love being called Mrs.DHs last name. Total feminist here. Just love feeling traditinal in this sense. I would concur with some posters that I personally would think it's odd for the husband to take his wife's name. Nevertheless, I wouldn't bat an eyelash over it. Every marriage is unique.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your mom is a real peach.

She actually is a wonderful person. She has three other DILs who adore her. This particular brother is marrying pretty late in life (he is 45) and his bride to be is just 26. I think she is a little immature and strange to expect a man of this age to take her name. What can I say, I am just glad my brother is getting married. He has had many girlfriends and a few fiances, but never settled down. His career won't be hurt by the name change, but like other PPs have said he will look like a whimp to his guy friends. But he adores his fiance, and he wants kids. I just hope they can do what makes them happy.

You think she's the immature one in this relationship?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It takes a stronger man to buck tradition and take his wife's name than go with the flow and make her change her name.

Great point.

Except that almost no one actually thinks this. Not that great a point, in my view.

[Anonymous]

The only person I know who took his wife's name also works for her parents who are rich. So, he does strike me as a pushover but it's a package impression, not just about the name.

I know several couples who kept their own names and gave the kid the mom's surname; I would have advocated for that myself if I liked my family more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Husband fail, will destroy his career

That's odd. I've known three guys who did this and it didn't affect any of them. All of them work in the tech sector or fed contracting and no one batted an eye. In fact, many loved it, but then our agency is very liberal. I supposed if you work in a very conservative field, this could be more of a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Husband fail, will destroy his career

That's odd. I've known three guys who did this and it didn't affect any of them. All of them work in the tech sector or fed contracting and no one batted an eye. In fact, many loved it, but then our agency is very liberal. I supposed if you work in a very conservative field, this could be more of a problem.

While I think "destroy" is an overstatement, I also think your experience is not entirely representative. Techies are vastly more open-minded than most, and in my experience are much more receptive to things like polyamory and other alternative life styles (which is certainly a heavier lift than a name change issue); at a liberal government agency, the people who don't respect this decision would know enough to keep their mouths shut.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this a common thing now? My brother is getting married, and is wife is the only child of two only children. So, she wants to pass on her name, which is both of her parent's names. I have three other brothers in addition to the one getting married, and I think it is an interesting idea. Of course my parents are horrified. They will not say anything to the couple, but they feel they should just add our family name onto hers. It would be a super long name sort of like Johnson-Jacobsen-Hingeldorfer. I told my mom to just let it go, but she feels my brother is being a wimp.

My cousin's husband took his wife's name. This harks back to the days when women were chattle, giving the bride away and woman taking last name because she was now the property of her husband. Frankly, I think it is time both these traditions were set aside. Ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

I really don't think anything about men and women who both take the names together like Peter adn Jen Heller-Smith. I know at least 4 couples who have done this. All really smart, really cool, really liberal people - all over 40. Three of the guys aren't super manly - but are very confident in their deciison, crazy about their wives. One of the guys was very aggressive and manly and in your face.

However, I do find the guy taking the wife's name shocking. The one couple who did this, the guy does come off as a wimp. He is the breadwinner, but his wife has a huge huge personality and is really loud. He has a pony tail and he is sweet and shy is is often walking behind his wife carrying a baby in an ergo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am going to say it...I think it makes the man look like a wimp when he takes the female's name. There are some things that I think should stay traditional....why? I am not sure thats how I feel.

FWIW I believe that women should have equal rights...hell I make more than my DH and will always work. But there are sometimes when you need to let DH have his "balls" back and this classifies as one of them.

I need to be able to look at my DH and see a man...a strong man...not some wimp who took my name willingly.

Well, they just don't have to be friends with you then.

Once you've been married for more than ten minutes, people stop knowing or caring how you came to the decision you did regarding your name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am going to say it...I think it makes the man look like a wimp when he takes the female's name. There are some things that I think should stay traditional....why? I am not sure thats how I feel.

FWIW I believe that women should have equal rights...hell I make more than my DH and will always work. But there are sometimes when you need to let DH have his "balls" back and this classifies as one of them.

I need to be able to look at my DH and see a man...a strong man...not some wimp who took my name willingly.

Well I think your husband making less money is a lot wimpier than if he had taken your last name.

I took my husband's last name, but if I had to choose, I'd choose a provider who took my last name. Not someone who's a man in name only, literally.

Seriously bitch? You must be joking. Not even worth my time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am going to say it...I think it makes the man look like a wimp when he takes the female's name. There are some things that I think should stay traditional....why? I am not sure thats how I feel.

FWIW I believe that women should have equal rights...hell I make more than my DH and will always work. But there are sometimes when you need to let DH have his "balls" back and this classifies as one of them.

I need to be able to look at my DH and see a man...a strong man...not some wimp who took my name willingly.

Well, they just don't have to be friends with you then.

Once you've been married for more than ten minutes, people stop knowing or caring how you came to the decision you did regarding your name.

Ok your post makes absolutely no sense? Friends with who and married 10 times? OK!

[Anonymous]

^^Um, re-read that PP and try again.

I think this is cool! I personally can care less about my last name. I've always thought it cool when couples choose a NEW family name together. Know such a couple. They arent traditional at all and very lovely people.