Child Had Dog Allergy & Husband Refuses To Give Dog Away

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your posts make no sense. What you describe is not an allergy. You want to get rid of the dog and you are blaming it on "open sores"?

Nope. Own it. You hate the dog.

You are odd. My son has an allergy to dogs and it manifests the same way as what OP describes.

[Anonymous]

OP, I feel for you. I had similar issues a long time ago with a live in boyfriend who put his dog before people. We ultimately broke up over it. Fortunately I wasn't married. Getting rid of a husband is obviously not an option.

What is he primary motivation for keeping the dog? Is it because he loves the dog and selfishly doesn't want to part with it (understandable, I'm a dog person myself).

Is it because he thinks the dog wouldn't be well cared for by others? (understandable, too, possibly a control issue),

Or something else? Because crating a dog for good portions of the day, especially when people are home, is no life for a dog. The dog would ultimately be happier in another good home.

However, you do have to be the advocate for your child. Your child can't care for herself in this situation. This is near an ultimatum stage for me (I've got a son with multiple allergies, including to dogs). I'd first sit him down and explain that your child has to come first before the dog and their living together in a house is not working. Drugs dont seem to work, so your child has the double whammy of long-term drug use and misery. His lifestyle modifications aren't working and aren't fair to the dog. I'd tell him it's reached the point that you both need to go to counseling. Personally, I'd tell him if we can't work it out, I will remove my child from the situation (move out). But I'd mean it. I wouldn't advise saying this unless you were going to follow through.


Men often tolerate periodic complaining knowing they don't have to change anything. That sounds to me like what your husband is doing.

[Anonymous]

OP, your husband knows what's going on if he's a good man. He is just sad and grieving. Let him go through the stages of grief. You telling him "my child comes first" doesn't help. The family is a unit. His needs do matter and right now you just need to let him be sad. Would it be okay with you if he does some kind of volenteering with dogs? I'd sure hope the answer is yes. Also, who selected the allergist. "get rid of the dog" is a very harsh thing to hear, even if it is ultimately the solution. It's like a doctor telling a runner "Just don't run anymore". Not nearly as easy as it sounds. I'd suggest to your husband that since he wants to keep the dog, he find an allergist who shares his viewpoints. This way he'll hear that the dog needs a new home from someone other then "mean Mommy and all her friends". And do let him cry and grieve. Loosing a dog is very much like loosing aperson.

[Anonymous]

I would go to a second allergist. Something is adding up here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is your DH? He sounds like he is 3. For goodness sake, if there was even the possibility that the little DC's open sores and allergies were caused by the mutt dog, the dog has to go asap. WTF? It's a dog. So you have to remove the carpet, that's a great idea for allergy sufferers anyway. Much cleaner and dust free. Why does the DC have to suffer? Sorry, this sound like a larger problelm with DH's inability to adjust his pre-kid life to the reality of today. This won't be the only issue, OP- be ready for more to come.

I should explain, DD does have open sores from the eczema, they are open because she scratches them, not because the sores are "that bad". They itch horribly. The allergist did tell me the best thing to do is to get rid of the dog, as the problem isn't just a skin reaction, it's an asthmatic reaction at times, but mostly when she comes into contact with other dogs. We went from hardwood floors to carpets when we moved, the carpets are brand new, and I honestly saw more issues with DD in the other house.

I do not hate the dog, I do not want to get rid of her, but my child's comfort is my #1 concern. I know it takes years to remove dander from the carpet, the dog hasn't been in entire floors of this house, so I am confident we're in ok condition as we've been here less than a year.

What I want to know is how can I approach DH so he does understand that the dog is an issue to the extent that she is causing issues, and yes, he has been to the allergist, and no, I am not getting rid of him. He's a good man, he just doesn't seem to get the connection between the dog and the allergies. DD has far worse reactions to other dogs, which does lend us to think she's far more allergic to other dogs and does have a mild immunity to our dog, however our dog is still causing issues. But please don't automatically dismiss my DH as a jerk, this is hard for him, too, even though you & I cant fathom keeping the dog, he seems to think she'll only be around a few more years and thinks she should spend those years with us.

I need advice to help convince him otherwise, not just posters bashing him, that does me no good. Removing the carpet in the house financially isn't an option. The previous owners put in new carpet after they moved, before they put the house on the market.

If he has been to the allergist with you, and the allergist says to get rid of the dog, then how is he "not making the connection"?

Does. Not. Compute.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read the entire thread, but here's my suggestion. You can bathe the dog more frequently. Every six weeks is not nearly often enough. I know this helps with cat allergens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read the entire thread, but here's my suggestion. You can bathe the dog more frequently. Every six weeks is not nearly often enough. I know this helps with cat allergens.

Another PP here. This is possibly quite helpful (depends on the dog). I had a dog with skin allergies and I had to bathe her 3 times a week. Sounds like a job to give to the DH. At least once a week to start, if not more. Don't let them out in the cold for any length of time right after the bath, however.

And I hope he's brushing the dog daily. Outside.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is your DH? He sounds like he is 3. For goodness sake, if there was even the possibility that the little DC's open sores and allergies were caused by the mutt dog, the dog has to go asap. WTF? It's a dog. So you have to remove the carpet, that's a great idea for allergy sufferers anyway. Much cleaner and dust free. Why does the DC have to suffer? Sorry, this sound like a larger problelm with DH's inability to adjust his pre-kid life to the reality of today. This won't be the only issue, OP- be ready for more to come.

I should explain, DD does have open sores from the eczema, they are open because she scratches them, not because the sores are "that bad". They itch horribly. The allergist did tell me the best thing to do is to get rid of the dog, as the problem isn't just a skin reaction, it's an asthmatic reaction at times, but mostly when she comes into contact with other dogs. We went from hardwood floors to carpets when we moved, the carpets are brand new, and I honestly saw more issues with DD in the other house.

I do not hate the dog, I do not want to get rid of her, but my child's comfort is my #1 concern. I know it takes years to remove dander from the carpet, the dog hasn't been in entire floors of this house, so I am confident we're in ok condition as we've been here less than a year.

What I want to know is how can I approach DH so he does understand that the dog is an issue to the extent that she is causing issues, and yes, he has been to the allergist, and no, I am not getting rid of him. He's a good man, he just doesn't seem to get the connection between the dog and the allergies. DD has far worse reactions to other dogs, which does lend us to think she's far more allergic to other dogs and does have a mild immunity to our dog, however our dog is still causing issues. But please don't automatically dismiss my DH as a jerk, this is hard for him, too, even though you & I cant fathom keeping the dog, he seems to think she'll only be around a few more years and thinks she should spend those years with us.

I need advice to help convince him otherwise, not just posters bashing him, that does me no good. Removing the carpet in the house financially isn't an option. The previous owners put in new carpet after they moved, before they put the house on the market.

If he has been to the allergist with you, and the allergist says to get rid of the dog, then how is he "not making the connection"?

Does. Not. Compute.

Not OP, but I just think he's in denial. To a dog lover, it's a HARD thing to give up a beloved pet.

[Anonymous]

I agree that the first things you should do are try to remediate the situation and see how things go. Replacing the flooring should be considered, even if it's expensive. Same with washing the dog much more frequently. I hope others can give more good suggestions.

[Anonymous]

Tell the husband that you are putting the child up for adoption. If he balks, then you know where he stands. If he doesn't, then take the child and leave.

[Anonymous]

Grooming every 6 weeks is not enough. Does someone brush the dog daily? Wipe him down to get the dander off?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is your DH? He sounds like he is 3. For goodness sake, if there was even the possibility that the little DC's open sores and allergies were caused by the mutt dog, the dog has to go asap. WTF? It's a dog. So you have to remove the carpet, that's a great idea for allergy sufferers anyway. Much cleaner and dust free. Why does the DC have to suffer? Sorry, this sound like a larger problelm with DH's inability to adjust his pre-kid life to the reality of today. This won't be the only issue, OP- be ready for more to come.

I should explain, DD does have open sores from the eczema, they are open because she scratches them, not because the sores are "that bad". They itch horribly. The allergist did tell me the best thing to do is to get rid of the dog, as the problem isn't just a skin reaction, it's an asthmatic reaction at times, but mostly when she comes into contact with other dogs. We went from hardwood floors to carpets when we moved, the carpets are brand new, and I honestly saw more issues with DD in the other house.

I do not hate the dog, I do not want to get rid of her, but my child's comfort is my #1 concern. I know it takes years to remove dander from the carpet, the dog hasn't been in entire floors of this house, so I am confident we're in ok condition as we've been here less than a year.

What I want to know is how can I approach DH so he does understand that the dog is an issue to the extent that she is causing issues, and yes, he has been to the allergist, and no, I am not getting rid of him. He's a good man, he just doesn't seem to get the connection between the dog and the allergies. DD has far worse reactions to other dogs, which does lend us to think she's far more allergic to other dogs and does have a mild immunity to our dog, however our dog is still causing issues. But please don't automatically dismiss my DH as a jerk, this is hard for him, too, even though you & I cant fathom keeping the dog, he seems to think she'll only be around a few more years and thinks she should spend those years with us.

I need advice to help convince him otherwise, not just posters bashing him, that does me no good. Removing the carpet in the house financially isn't an option. The previous owners put in new carpet after they moved, before they put the house on the market.

If he has been to the allergist with you, and the allergist says to get rid of the dog, then how is he "not making the connection"?

Does. Not. Compute.

I'm going to be the alternative opinion / suggestion here . . . yes, getting rid of the dog may be best. BUt, there may be other, very viable alternatives. Growing up, my sister had pet allergies (and more severe than what you describe). We had dogs and cats, usually multiple at a time. A combination of pulling up carpets (I dont' see why this is not an option . . . hardwoods are better for those type of allergies; I know I suffer them as well), restricting dog from child's room and furniture, and medication. Short of life-threatening allergies, there would probably not be a situation where I would get rid of my dog, either. I would try every other alternative first. That's what we did and it is not ideal but it worked. If you did that -tried alternatives- then when / if it came time to place the dog elsewhere you would be able to rely on the argument that you tried everything.

[Anonymous]

Replacing carpet with hardwood can be very expensive. Especially for most of a house. I know there are many wealthy folks on here, but i'd flip if my husband wanted to spend thousands on flooring that may or may not solve the problem.

[Anonymous]

Have you sounded out any of your friends on whether they might be willing to adopt the dog? If the dog is well behaved, there may be soem friends/neighbors who would be happy to have a good dog that's already house-broken especially if it comes w/ an offer from your DH to take the dog for daily/weekly walks and bare any vet costs. The shedding is obviously a draw-back, but there are many people who have dogs that shed and somehow cope. I would try to find a "home" for the dog that you coudl suggest to DH so he sees it as finding somewhere better for the dog (find the possibility first; then talk to him about it while letting the other family know you are still firming things up in your own family).

[Anonymous]

We have this issue, although my DC is less allergic to dogs than cats and other stuff like dust and mold. Here's what we do:

1. Get religious about keeping dander out of the child's room. Remove the carpets, get a new mattress with a hypoallergenic cover and a hypoallergenic pillow with a hypoallergenic cover for that. Get a hepa air purifier and run it 24/7 in DD's room. Make sure she has no or virtually no stuffed animals or other things in there that cannot be wet wiped -- all those things collect dust/dander. Wet swiffer the room 2 or 3x a week.

2. Make DD change clothes before she goes into her room to nap or sleep, so she's not taking dander in there with her.

3. Getting rid of carpets in the rest of the house will help, but may not be necessary for a few years. You should vaccuum the play area every other day with a good vaccuum.

If DD spends 10-12 hours a day sleeping in the clean room, then the remainder of the time shouldn't be too bad, particularly if she's in daycare. Even if she's not, she will be in school in a couple of years, again taking her out of the house.

Obviously DD should avoid petting dogs and wash her hands if she does touch one.