Thanksgiving issue - would you be bothered by this or am I being too sensitive?

[Anonymous]

MIL et al, are passive-aggressively telling you that they think that your kitchen and cooking area is unclean, unhygienic and or she thinks that your food is un-tasty or otherwise unpalatable. Really, this is it.

[Anonymous]

OP-do you lick your fingers and then continue to handle food? Do you lick spoon and place it back in the pot? Because, BLECHHHHH!

[Anonymous]

OP, were you a part of the: "I enjoy digging ingrown hairs out of my own body..." thread a few days back? Then you have your answer.

[Anonymous]

OP here again - thanks for all the feedback. To the pp who asked out of curiosity what I brought - one year it was mashed potatos and another year I brought green beans.

Anonymous wrote:Some follow up questions - how big is the kitchen and how many people are generally in it (excluding you)? I'm just wondering if its a space issue. Could you still socially interact with them (i.e. sit at the breakfast bar) and talk without getting in mix? I would be bothered by it too, but my MIL generally does EVERYTHING herself because no one but her can do it the way she wants. It's annoying, but that's my MIL. For the holidays my family cooks together, his doesn't so I just accept its a different way of doing holiday dinners.

to answer some other questions, it's not like MIL/SIL "invite" everyone in the kitchen and exclude me, it's more like DIL#1 comes and has sweet potatos so she's in the kitchen, putting the toppings (marshmellows? nuts? who knows what), needs to heat it, so she puts it in the oven. DIL#2 brings the beans or some other side dish - she'll bring the beans in a bag, goes in the kitchen to transfer them to the serving dish, heat them (or cook them? not sure) and is focusing on her brought dish, MIL and SIL are making the main dish - Turkey and stuffing. So they are all technically working on their own dishes (not invited, but not kicked out either) and since I didn't bring a dish, there's no excuse for me to go in the kitchen. Actually, last year, I kind of forced it and said I REALLY wanted to help. MIL sent me to make sure the dining room table was completely set (they had already set it before we arrived) so even when I push it, they send me out of the kitchen.

Thanks everyone for the advice. I like the idea of just getting a book and just reading - I might feel a little rude, though, reading during a holiday. I could just continue doing what I end up doing - playing with my kids and just spending more time with them.

[Anonymous]

OP - you mentioned that your DH is a SAHD. Could it be the you MIL has some problem with that, or does not feel right about you preparing food because you work, and you DH does not?

[Anonymous]

Are you the only DIL that is excluded? Just trying to understand the family dynamics. Honestly, it sounds like MIL and SIL may just not like you much. If I were you, I'd hang out with the kids/DHs.

[Anonymous]

Op, you keep revising your story so its hard to really figure out what is going on. First they are excluding you then they are not really excluding you. Good luck and I hope that it all works out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here again - thanks for all the feedback. To the pp who asked out of curiosity what I brought - one year it was mashed potatos and another year I brought green beans.

Anonymous wrote:Some follow up questions - how big is the kitchen and how many people are generally in it (excluding you)? I'm just wondering if its a space issue. Could you still socially interact with them (i.e. sit at the breakfast bar) and talk without getting in mix? I would be bothered by it too, but my MIL generally does EVERYTHING herself because no one but her can do it the way she wants. It's annoying, but that's my MIL. For the holidays my family cooks together, his doesn't so I just accept its a different way of doing holiday dinners.

to answer some other questions, it's not like MIL/SIL "invite" everyone in the kitchen and exclude me, it's more like DIL#1 comes and has sweet potatos so she's in the kitchen, putting the toppings (marshmellows? nuts? who knows what), needs to heat it, so she puts it in the oven. DIL#2 brings the beans or some other side dish - she'll bring the beans in a bag, goes in the kitchen to transfer them to the serving dish, heat them (or cook them? not sure) and is focusing on her brought dish, MIL and SIL are making the main dish - Turkey and stuffing. So they are all technically working on their own dishes (not invited, but not kicked out either) and since I didn't bring a dish, there's no excuse for me to go in the kitchen. Actually, last year, I kind of forced it and said I REALLY wanted to help. MIL sent me to make sure the dining room table was completely set (they had already set it before we arrived) so even when I push it, they send me out of the kitchen.

Thanks everyone for the advice. I like the idea of just getting a book and just reading - I might feel a little rude, though, reading during a holiday. I could just continue doing what I end up doing - playing with my kids and just spending more time with them.

They are rude. Bring your book and enjoy yourself, that will miff your mil more than anything.