Anonymous wrote:Hi,
DH and I have had problems for a long time. I think he is emotionally abusive with me. He has ignored me, withheld loving comments, attention for me for years, is dismissive when I try to approach him to discuss anything. He dismisses any feeling I express, whether it is a happy or negative one. He is passive, apathic, cold. I work full time and we have a toddler. On top of that he comes home pretty late, which leaves me with a lot to do by myself after work. If I ever try to vent or voice some concerns regarding our schedule, he will mock me, say that I have no reason to complain. He mocks my gestures, my accent (I am foreign), my eye blinking. Our anniversary just passed, he ignored it and my "happy anniversary" message went unanswered, and when on with life like any other day. He has made me feel as if anything that means something to me is just a burden to him.
He "fights" really dirty and refuses to have adult discussions. During arguments, he has told me his stomach hurts when he looks at me. That he wishes I would die, that I am an ugly monster (when, objectively, I know I am good looking)
Other example: after being notified in advance of the appointment and putting it on his calendar, he backed out of going to the obstetrician to find out the gender of our baby when I was pregnant. He has a scheduling conflict. The worse was that he tried to blame it on me by saying i hadn't told him date/time. I was able to find older emails I had sent him with the info. After excuse #1 failed (blaming me), he just plainly said that I was being a princess for making a big deal of it.
I am made to feel ashamed at my feelings.
One of my aunts just had a stroke. I was pretty shaken by that. He offered no support. when my grandma (who basically raised me0 passed away a couple of years ago he said that i was faking being sad and upset.
We spent some days at his parents house this summer, and his mom told me that she noticed his verbal/aggressive reactions towards me. He can be so volatile that she was a little worried about how to approach him so she just suggested to him we go to coupple's counseling.
And the list goes on and on.
Icing on the cake:
He is moving out this month and says that unless I deal with MY issues and get heavily medicated, he will not consider getting back together.
Needless to say i am devastated and so angry by the fact that he can't recognize what he is doing to me.
I guess I would like to know the following:
-Has anyone gone through this?
-Is this emotional abuse?
-How do I salvage/preserve the little self-esteem I have left?
Sorry, this message is all over the place, it probably reflects my state-of mind right now.
TIA
Read chumplady.com for advice from others who have gone through this. It’s a very supportive board. Good luck.
|
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}