Giving in to DH's porn "needs" = Good Wife or Bad Wife?

[TheManWithAUsername]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, OP. Seems porn is only a problem for you and the church lady. Yikes. How controlling.

I think it's pretty unfair to lump OP with Margaret White there (where's she been lately?). OP seems to have reached a reasonable compromise with her husband. I used to essentially have a don't ask/don't tell deal with my DW, and I didn't find it oppressive.

[Anonymous]

Op here, No I was not the previous poster who found the porn. Thank you all for the honesty and kind words. Especially 19:31. I am sorry you were attacked.

[Anonymous]

Have you ever tried watching porn? It could be something you guys do together besides this awful thing.

I hate to always bring up Dan Savage in this forum but I love him so. And I think you need to live by his motto re: people who are prissy about porn: He pretends he doesn't look at it, and you pretend to believe him. Because anything else is unrealistic, honestly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here, No I was not the previous poster who found the porn. Thank you all for the honesty and kind words. Especially 19:31. I am sorry you were attacked.

No worries, OP. I hope this becomes an opportunity for your love to deepen. Grace can do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here, No I was not the previous poster who found the porn. Thank you all for the honesty and kind words. Especially 19:31. I am sorry you were attacked.

No worries, OP. I hope this becomes an opportunity for your love to deepen. Grace can do that.

Why is Jesus reading this forum?

[Anonymous]

Wow, why do people think it's cool to ridicule the religious woman for her beliefs?

I am completely non religious, but I don't make fun of other people's religion-based beliefs. If you disagree with her, why not respectfully state why you believe she is wrong?

[Anonymous]

Stop attacking Church Lady. Why is she automatically wrong? I have written on other threads that paying someone for sexual behavior of any kind is unethical -- whether you believe in Jesus or not. If porn and such are such a big deal why do we treat anyone involved in the sex industry like lepers? If your SO had worked as a porn actor and you knew it would you have continued the relationship? Would you be okay with your kids doing it like Laurence Fishburne's daughter did? The hypocrisy disgusts me more than the porn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop attacking Church Lady. Why is she automatically wrong? I have written on other threads that paying someone for sexual behavior of any kind is unethical -- whether you believe in Jesus or not. If porn and such are such a big deal why do we treat anyone involved in the sex industry like lepers? If your SO had worked as a porn actor and you knew it would you have continued the relationship? Would you be okay with your kids doing it like Laurence Fishburne's daughter did? The hypocrisy disgusts me more than the porn.

This is not what Church Lady is talking about. She's saying that porn is guaranteed to wreck a marriage which is obviously BS. Beyond that, I think she's getting ridiculed for her obscene self-righteousness not her religion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop attacking Church Lady. Why is she automatically wrong? I have written on other threads that paying someone for sexual behavior of any kind is unethical -- whether you believe in Jesus or not. If porn and such are such a big deal why do we treat anyone involved in the sex industry like lepers? If your SO had worked as a porn actor and you knew it would you have continued the relationship? Would you be okay with your kids doing it like Laurence Fishburne's daughter did? The hypocrisy disgusts me more than the porn.

This is not what Church Lady is talking about. She's saying that porn is guaranteed to wreck a marriage which is obviously BS. Beyond that, I think she's getting ridiculed for her obscene self-righteousness not her religion.

I never said porn is guaranteed to wreck a marriage. Responses to my points always exaggerate them into unrecognizable straw men. This is frustrating, but understandable.

And I honestly apologize if anyone perceives my words as self-righteous. I didn't write the rules, and I am just as flawed as we all are when it comes to following them. But the rules don't change. And the only way to be truly, genuinely, completely happy and fulfilled is to follow the instructions. That's not meant to be mean.

Sex is one of the greatest gifts humans were given. Because of free will, it can be turned into something unspeakably evil (rape, child molestation) or something that gives us a glimpse of divinity (self-giving, bliss, unity). There are plenty of lesser evils and lesser goods along that spectrum. Any time we settle for anything less than what sex was intended to be, we're missing out. And it's not hard to cross the line to actual misuse.

Porn is one of those misuses that is so wrong, you don't even need to be aware of the full meaning of sex to see its harmful effects. And while it has always been around, because humans have always misused sex, it has recently taken on a new degree of harm, because of the Internet. This is acknowledged by a variety of secular observers, especially law enforcement.

OP is in pain. She is mistaken if she convinces herself that deadening herself to the pain is the solution. The real solution requires sacrifice, and hard work, and a willingness to change, and a great deal of respect for women. But it is absolutely possible.

OP, men from all backgrounds have turned away from porn. "Everyone is going it" is NOT TRUE, and it would not be an excuse if it were. Have faith in your husband's virtue and manliness, and appeal to them. He is strong enough to love you completely. It will be a lifelong task, but that is what love is all about.

[Anonymous]

You claim "Pornography is a main reason for divorce now." You're either delusional or making crap up as you type, but either way you really don't deserve respect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You claim "Pornography is a main reason for divorce now." You're either delusional or making crap up as you type, but either way you really don't deserve respect.

"A" main reason, not "the" main reason. Surveys of divorce attorneys rank porn above financial difficulties as a cause of divorce now.

[TheManWithAUsername]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, why do people think it's cool to ridicule the religious woman for her beliefs?

I am completely non religious, but I don't make fun of other people's religion-based beliefs. If you disagree with her, why not respectfully state why you believe she is wrong?

I didn't jump on her here, b/c I think she's showing uncharacteristic restraint, but what you may not realize is that she has repeatedly viciously attacked people, and employed dirty tricks like sock-puppeting. I can give you links where she suggests (that's a conservative description) that I and others are child molesters b/c we are sometimes nude around our children and porn addicts b/c we use porn at all. There's a history here.

That said, I do appreciate the relative restraint shown here, as I assume it took some effort.

[Anonymous]

TheManWithAUsername wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, why do people think it's cool to ridicule the religious woman for her beliefs?

I am completely non religious, but I don't make fun of other people's religion-based beliefs. If you disagree with her, why not respectfully state why you believe she is wrong?

I didn't jump on her here, b/c I think she's showing uncharacteristic restraint, but what you may not realize is that she has repeatedly viciously attacked people, and employed dirty tricks like sock-puppeting. I can give you links where she suggests (that's a conservative description) that I and others are child molesters b/c we are sometimes nude around our children and porn addicts b/c we use porn at all. There's a history here.

That said, I do appreciate the relative restraint shown here, as I assume it took some effort.

Holy smokes, Man, you are absolutely wrong. I have never said such things. I have posted on one other thread about pornography, but you have me confused with someone else. Really, you could not be more wrong. I have never even read such comments, much less said them myself.

Why not let my words stand for themselves? You are free to disagree and walk away. But this character assassination of random anonymous Internet posters is childish and absurd.

It is also easier than actually engaging.

[TheManWithAUsername]

Anonymous wrote:

TheManWithAUsername wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, why do people think it's cool to ridicule the religious woman for her beliefs?

I am completely non religious, but I don't make fun of other people's religion-based beliefs. If you disagree with her, why not respectfully state why you believe she is wrong?

I didn't jump on her here, b/c I think she's showing uncharacteristic restraint, but what you may not realize is that she has repeatedly viciously attacked people, and employed dirty tricks like sock-puppeting. I can give you links where she suggests (that's a conservative description) that I and others are child molesters b/c we are sometimes nude around our children and porn addicts b/c we use porn at all. There's a history here.

That said, I do appreciate the relative restraint shown here, as I assume it took some effort.

Holy smokes, Man, you are absolutely wrong. I have never said such things. I have posted on one other thread about pornography, but you have me confused with someone else. Really, you could not be more wrong. I have never even read such comments, much less said them myself.

Why not let my words stand for themselves? You are free to disagree and walk away. But this character assassination of random anonymous Internet posters is childish and absurd.

It is also easier than actually engaging.

I won't be saying anything more here, but she hides behind the anonymity despite the fact that I've repeatedly busted her. Her latest tell is her compulsive reference to straw man arguments, which concept she lifted from me after I called her on them. Clearly, she found it catchy and started using it all the time.

As I said, I won't be posting here further. Watch for multiple posts from her sock puppets defending her. BTW - I feel dumb for not thinking of it sooner - the first post defending her may well have just been her.

[Anonymous]

TheManWithAUsername wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

TheManWithAUsername wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, why do people think it's cool to ridicule the religious woman for her beliefs?

I am completely non religious, but I don't make fun of other people's religion-based beliefs. If you disagree with her, why not respectfully state why you believe she is wrong?

I didn't jump on her here, b/c I think she's showing uncharacteristic restraint, but what you may not realize is that she has repeatedly viciously attacked people, and employed dirty tricks like sock-puppeting. I can give you links where she suggests (that's a conservative description) that I and others are child molesters b/c we are sometimes nude around our children and porn addicts b/c we use porn at all. There's a history here.

That said, I do appreciate the relative restraint shown here, as I assume it took some effort.

Holy smokes, Man, you are absolutely wrong. I have never said such things. I have posted on one other thread about pornography, but you have me confused with someone else. Really, you could not be more wrong. I have never even read such comments, much less said them myself.

Why not let my words stand for themselves? You are free to disagree and walk away. But this character assassination of random anonymous Internet posters is childish and absurd.

It is also easier than actually engaging.

I won't be saying anything more here, but she hides behind the anonymity despite the fact that I've repeatedly busted her. Her latest tell is her compulsive reference to straw man arguments, which concept she lifted from me after I called her on them. Clearly, she found it catchy and started using it all the time.

As I said, I won't be posting here further. Watch for multiple posts from her sock puppets defending her. BTW - I feel dumb for not thinking of it sooner - the first post defending her may well have just been her.

Man, again, you are just flat-out wrong, on every point. But people will believe what they want/need to believe. So be it.