Giving in to DH's porn "needs" = Good Wife or Bad Wife?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

DH watched porn before he got his first gf, but since then he only watches it if his partner brings it up. He says he prefers a live partner to video.

Sounds like the same excuses every porn denier has made since porn was created.

There would be no reason for him to lie to me about it because:
1. I watch copious amounts of it and he knows it
2. I don't care if he masturbates (I do it quite often myself)
3. I am into some freaky shit, so save for one thing, it's not like there's any porn he could be into that would weird me out.

Famous last words... He's probably into blonde 18-year-olds who look like Pamela Sue Anderson, and is embarrassed it's not kinkier. Either that or trannies. Heh.

I'm have gotten off to both 18 yr old blondes and trannies before, so he'd have to come harder than that to weird me out.

[Anonymous]

*^I have, not I'm have

[Anonymous]

Think of all those repressed Christian pastors and morality-police politicians that end up cheating or going to hookers. It's better to have an outlet...great for stress relief, too.

Yes, I'm a man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom's in the 'porn is a gateway drug...' boat and she goes on and on about it. She can somehow insert it into any conversation.

My DH is not into porn (thnakfully). And most of me doesn't "get it", but you know what, I get aroused watching a romantic movie and can't wait to get in bed with DH, so I guess its not that much different.

Personally, I wouldn't like it if my DH was into porn. However, I don't think it will lead to anything else. It's a safe outlet.

You have NO idea do you?

Not the poster you responded to, but While I believe most men watch porn, no every man does and there's nothing strange about it. DH watched porn before he got his first gf, but since then he only watches it if his partner brings it up. He says he prefers a live partner to video.

There would be no reason for him to lie to me about it because:
1. I watch copious amounts of it and he knows it
2. I don't care if he masturbates (I do it quite often myself)
3. I am into some freaky shit, so save for one thing, it's not like there's any porn he could be into that would weird me out.

PP, you sound like me. I have also been with 2 men who were not into porn and who had no reason to lie about it.

[Anonymous]

I believe that the vast majority of men have seen porn but not that they necessarily continue to use it. Would guess 80 percent use it regularly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

DH watched porn before he got his first gf, but since then he only watches it if his partner brings it up. He says he prefers a live partner to video.

Sounds like the same excuses every porn denier has made since porn was created.

There would be no reason for him to lie to me about it because:
1. I watch copious amounts of it and he knows it
2. I don't care if he masturbates (I do it quite often myself)
3. I am into some freaky shit, so save for one thing, it's not like there's any porn he could be into that would weird me out.

Famous last words... He's probably into blonde 18-year-olds who look like Pamela Sue Anderson, and is embarrassed it's not kinkier. Either that or trannies. Heh.

I'm have gotten off to both 18 yr old blondes and trannies before, so he'd have to come harder than that to weird me out.

You are awesome.

[Anonymous]

Seriously? You set limits on what type of porn he is allowed to watch? Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Is this the OP who posted about finding porn hidden in the basement, and then went and cried because everyone told her to lighten up?

Lighten up, OP. It's porn, not a happy ending.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you may have come to the wrong place to get useful advice. If you can, ignore most of what you read.

You deserve to be cherished, and you deserve for your husband to be faithful to you in body, mind, heart, and soul. As a Christian, you know Jesus said very clearly that even looking at another woman lustfully is committing adultery. The feelings of rejection, betrayal, and sadness are normal--you are not the problem. You don't need to "loosen up"--your husband needs to man up and be true to you.

We live in a time and culture that does not value fidelity, self-restraint, or true love. Being countercultural gets harder all the time. That does not mean you are wrong. It means it is hard to do what is right.

Unfortunately, since this particular vice is near and dear to so many people, you will be surrounded by rationalizations. Don't listen. Lean on your faith. Fight for your marriage.

There are plenty of good secular resources out there. Check Pornified out at your library. Look at yourbrainonporn.com. There are lots of Christian resources out there, too. I don't know what denomination you are, but confession followed by spiritual advisement would be excellent.

Porn is wrong. Doesn't matter how many apologists it accumulates. It is also a marriage destroyer--not because husbands lie and sneak--the porn itself is the problem. Don't convince yourself for one second that you need to let him have his porn. That's the same thing as saying you need to let him have his mistress. You're instantly destroying the marriage to save it.

I know I'm going to get flamed, but this is too important to not say anything. Google "pornography and divorce.". Pornography is a main reason for divorce now. It is not harmless. It is not fun.

People who say wives against porn are just against sex don't know what sex is all about. Sex requires persons. Porn reduces people to body parts. Sex within your marriage takes place between you and your husband, OP. No one else.

I hope and pray you do not give up. Some things are worth fighting for. True love, faithfulness, awesome sex--those are worth it. Again, turn a deaf ear to the apologists. Their agenda is opposed to yours. God bless you and your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you may have come to the wrong place to get useful advice. If you can, ignore most of what you read.

You deserve to be cherished, and you deserve for your husband to be faithful to you in body, mind, heart, and soul. As a Christian, you know Jesus said very clearly that even looking at another woman lustfully is committing adultery. The feelings of rejection, betrayal, and sadness are normal--you are not the problem. You don't need to "loosen up"--your husband needs to man up and be true to you.

We live in a time and culture that does not value fidelity, self-restraint, or true love. Being countercultural gets harder all the time. That does not mean you are wrong. It means it is hard to do what is right.

Unfortunately, since this particular vice is near and dear to so many people, you will be surrounded by rationalizations. Don't listen. Lean on your faith. Fight for your marriage.

There are plenty of good secular resources out there. Check Pornified out at your library. Look at yourbrainonporn.com. There are lots of Christian resources out there, too. I don't know what denomination you are, but confession followed by spiritual advisement would be excellent.

Porn is wrong. Doesn't matter how many apologists it accumulates. It is also a marriage destroyer--not because husbands lie and sneak--the porn itself is the problem. Don't convince yourself for one second that you need to let him have his porn. That's the same thing as saying you need to let him have his mistress. You're instantly destroying the marriage to save it.

I know I'm going to get flamed, but this is too important to not say anything. Google "pornography and divorce.". Pornography is a main reason for divorce now. It is not harmless. It is not fun.

People who say wives against porn are just against sex don't know what sex is all about. Sex requires persons. Porn reduces people to body parts. Sex within your marriage takes place between you and your husband, OP. No one else.

I hope and pray you do not give up. Some things are worth fighting for. True love, faithfulness, awesome sex--those are worth it. Again, turn a deaf ear to the apologists. Their agenda is opposed to yours. God bless you and your family.

Go away, Church lady. OP needs to chill out. She doesn't need to hear your self-righteous, sanctimonious drivel.

[Anonymous]

Wow, OP. Seems porn is only a problem for you and the church lady. Yikes. How controlling.

[Anonymous]

Go thump your bible somewhere else, Church lady. Your husband is obviously thumping something somewhere else as well FYI.

[Anonymous]

I had a brief affair with a man- didn't know he was married in the beginning. His wife was just like the Church Lady. She thought oral sex (even performed on her!) was dirty and sinful. It was the best sex I ever had, the poor guy was like an escaped prisoner he was so deprived. I ended it shortly after I found out he was married. But wow, his wife was missing out. She only wanted one position, no masturbating, no porn, no dirty talk. I felt sorry for the guy, and had no problem having sex with him when his wife behaved like such a controlling bitch. After I broke it off, he divorced her. Not because if me, but because he realized he didn't want to live an unhappy life and be emasculated and controlled every day.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you see what I mean? This is reflexive. It is all you will find here. Go to a forum where you AND your husband wil be supported and understood.

These PPs don't know how incredible sex can be. It's a shame, really, because they are missing out on so much. They are accepting a very pale substitute for the real thing...and I'm not just talking about porn.

Good News about Sex and Marriage is a very accessible overall discussion, and Theology of the Body for Beginners, both by Christopher West, and Holy Sex, by Gregory Popcak.

PPs are taking refuge in tired, predictable cliches, but the truth is, Someone designed sex, and when you know and live the design, you are enjoying a pleasurable, gorgeous thing to the fullest. Don't settle for less.

I wish you well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you may have come to the wrong place to get useful advice. If you can, ignore most of what you read.

You deserve to be cherished, and you deserve for your husband to be faithful to you in body, mind, heart, and soul. As a Christian, you know Jesus said very clearly that even looking at another woman lustfully is committing adultery. The feelings of rejection, betrayal, and sadness are normal--you are not the problem. You don't need to "loosen up"--your husband needs to man up and be true to you.

We live in a time and culture that does not value fidelity, self-restraint, or true love. Being countercultural gets harder all the time. That does not mean you are wrong. It means it is hard to do what is right.

Unfortunately, since this particular vice is near and dear to so many people, you will be surrounded by rationalizations. Don't listen. Lean on your faith. Fight for your marriage.

There are plenty of good secular resources out there. Check Pornified out at your library. Look at yourbrainonporn.com. There are lots of Christian resources out there, too. I don't know what denomination you are, but confession followed by spiritual advisement would be excellent.

Porn is wrong. Doesn't matter how many apologists it accumulates. It is also a marriage destroyer--not because husbands lie and sneak--the porn itself is the problem. Don't convince yourself for one second that you need to let him have his porn. That's the same thing as saying you need to let him have his mistress. You're instantly destroying the marriage to save it.

I know I'm going to get flamed, but this is too important to not say anything. Google "pornography and divorce.". Pornography is a main reason for divorce now. It is not harmless. It is not fun.

People who say wives against porn are just against sex don't know what sex is all about. Sex requires persons. Porn reduces people to body parts. Sex within your marriage takes place between you and your husband, OP. No one else.

I hope and pray you do not give up. Some things are worth fighting for. True love, faithfulness, awesome sex--those are worth it. Again, turn a deaf ear to the apologists. Their agenda is opposed to yours. God bless you and your family.

Oh, and I forgot to add that the theory of evolution is a hoax.