Giving in to DH's porn "needs" = Good Wife or Bad Wife?

[Anonymous]

After 15 yrs, I am just tired of the lying and sneaking. I get it that men like to look at hot naked chicks, more specifically two or more hot naked chicks, but I have to admit I was hoping I was enough for my DH. After finding yet again, more porn I decided to make a deal with DH, I would be ok with certain types of porn and ok with him looking at it in our home, with quite a few conditions added. Most importantly, absolutely no leaving it around, and it better not interfere with our home life. My DH is a christian, and I wonder how this all plays out with the whole religion thing. I like to think that Jesus would frown on porn, but from what I understand most men look at it and enjoy it. I love my DH, and I know he loves me, but I cannot handle lying. I hope I am doing the right thing, and not opening myself up to other problems. Will he use the porn I have allowed as a gateway drug, will he move on to more sordid types of porn?

[Anonymous]

I say just have him keep it to himself. If he's a good husband he will abide.
He has the right to masturbate to porn as long as it doesn't interfere with your sex or family time (and obviously career). It's only sneaking and lying because u are judging him. Sone of the nicest guys I know, truly great guys and loving husbands/dads love their porn. It's a sexual outlet and you have to deal with it. Sorry

[Anonymous]

My mom's in the 'porn is a gateway drug...' boat and she goes on and on about it. She can somehow insert it into any conversation.

My DH is not into porn (thnakfully). And most of me doesn't "get it", but you know what, I get aroused watching a romantic movie and can't wait to get in bed with DH, so I guess its not that much different.

Personally, I wouldn't like it if my DH was into porn. However, I don't think it will lead to anything else. It's a safe outlet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom's in the 'porn is a gateway drug...' boat and she goes on and on about it. She can somehow insert it into any conversation.

My DH is not into porn (thnakfully). And most of me doesn't "get it", but you know what, I get aroused watching a romantic movie and can't wait to get in bed with DH, so I guess its not that much different.

Personally, I wouldn't like it if my DH was into porn. However, I don't think it will lead to anything else. It's a safe outlet.

That cracked me up! Care to give an example?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom's in the 'porn is a gateway drug...' boat and she goes on and on about it. She can somehow insert it into any conversation.

My DH is not into porn (thnakfully). And most of me doesn't "get it", but you know what, I get aroused watching a romantic movie and can't wait to get in bed with DH, so I guess its not that much different.

Personally, I wouldn't like it if my DH was into porn. However, I don't think it will lead to anything else. It's a safe outlet.

You have NO idea do you?

[Anonymous]

OP, Consider the porn in the context of the relationship because porn increases, rather than diminishes appetite. Do you have a good sex life? If not porn will become the main meal rather than the amuse bouche it should be. I am a Christian who believes that watching someone perform sexual acts for money is ethically troubling but does not think porn consumption automatically dooms a marriage.

[Anonymous]

Op, I think that you should chill out. I think that the only condition that you should be attaching is that he makes sure that what he watches is legal and that he keeps it to himself. Also agree with the PP that unless porn is the main meal (which may signal other issues with the marriage) you really have nothing to worry.

BTW, I am a woman and I watch porn and I like guy on guy action.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom's in the 'porn is a gateway drug...' boat and she goes on and on about it. She can somehow insert it into any conversation.

My DH is not into porn (thnakfully). And most of me doesn't "get it", but you know what, I get aroused watching a romantic movie and can't wait to get in bed with DH, so I guess its not that much different.

Personally, I wouldn't like it if my DH was into porn. However, I don't think it will lead to anything else. It's a safe outlet.

That cracked me up! Care to give an example?

Me: "Mom, I got son a cute outfit from (big store name)!" Mom: "Did you know they sell porn? Porn causes..."
Me: "It's sad that those soldiers got killed in Afghanistan." Mom: "Did you know they sell porn in military exchanges? Porn..."

Its really amazing. She's quite talented at it.

[Anonymous]

I think I love your mom.

[Anonymous]

DW here. I must admit that some porn turns me on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom's in the 'porn is a gateway drug...' boat and she goes on and on about it. She can somehow insert it into any conversation.

My DH is not into porn (thnakfully). And most of me doesn't "get it", but you know what, I get aroused watching a romantic movie and can't wait to get in bed with DH, so I guess its not that much different.

Personally, I wouldn't like it if my DH was into porn. However, I don't think it will lead to anything else. It's a safe outlet.

You have NO idea do you?

This times a thousand. There are two sorts of men: those who look at porn and admit it, and those who look at porn and don't admit it. This headline sums the issue up pretty well:

"Pornography study that was doomed to fail after scientists couldn't find a single man who hadn't viewed X-rated material"

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1232787/Pornography-study-doomed-fail-scientists-single-man-hadnt-viewed-x-rated-material.html

FWIW, if you don't want your husband to lie to you, don't ask him about porn. Either that, or show him your stash and perhaps he'll show you his.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom's in the 'porn is a gateway drug...' boat and she goes on and on about it. She can somehow insert it into any conversation.

My DH is not into porn (thnakfully). And most of me doesn't "get it", but you know what, I get aroused watching a romantic movie and can't wait to get in bed with DH, so I guess its not that much different.

Personally, I wouldn't like it if my DH was into porn. However, I don't think it will lead to anything else. It's a safe outlet.

You have NO idea do you?

Not the poster you responded to, but While I believe most men watch porn, no every man does and there's nothing strange about it. DH watched porn before he got his first gf, but since then he only watches it if his partner brings it up. He says he prefers a live partner to video.

There would be no reason for him to lie to me about it because:
1. I watch copious amounts of it and he knows it
2. I don't care if he masturbates (I do it quite often myself)
3. I am into some freaky shit, so save for one thing, it's not like there's any porn he could be into that would weird me out.

[Anonymous]

DH watched porn before he got his first gf, but since then he only watches it if his partner brings it up. He says he prefers a live partner to video.

Sounds like the same excuses every porn denier has made since porn was created.

There would be no reason for him to lie to me about it because:
1. I watch copious amounts of it and he knows it
2. I don't care if he masturbates (I do it quite often myself)
3. I am into some freaky shit, so save for one thing, it's not like there's any porn he could be into that would weird me out.

Famous last words... He's probably into blonde 18-year-olds who look like Pamela Sue Anderson, and is embarrassed it's not kinkier. Either that or trannies. Heh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom's in the 'porn is a gateway drug...' boat and she goes on and on about it. She can somehow insert it into any conversation.

My DH is not into porn (thankfully). And most of me doesn't "get it", but you know what, I get aroused watching a romantic movie and can't wait to get in bed with DH, so I guess its not that much different.

Personally, I wouldn't like it if my DH was into porn. However, I don't think it will lead to anything else. It's a safe outlet.

You have NO idea do you?

This times a thousand. There are two sorts of men: those who look at porn and admit it, and those who look at porn and don't admit it. This headline sums the issue up pretty well:

"Pornography study that was doomed to fail after scientists couldn't find a single man who hadn't viewed X-rated material"

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1232787/Pornography-study-doomed-fail-scientists-single-man-hadnt-viewed-x-rated-material.html

FWIW, if you don't want your husband to lie to you, don't ask him about porn. Either that, or show him your stash and perhaps he'll show you his.

I'm the original PP quoted. I know my husband. He also does not watch sports on tv and does not read fiction books.. He does have his outlets - (1) golfing (2) dirt bikes (motorcross) (3) gambling (4) mob movies. Not a saint. And I'm quite sure he has seen porn. I have too, so it's no shock that they couldn't find a man who hadn't seen it once. It's just not his thing.

[Anonymous]

I don't think this makes you a good or bad wife, but perhaps a more understanding and realistic wife.