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Anyone consider or actually have an affair?
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Anonymous
I was the one that referred to men as dogs that I saw that cheated- maybe I should rephrase: men that are in sales, a public or leadership position or men with low self esteem like PP dad.. basically the same thing.. (not all but a very good generalization) |
Anonymous
| OP, avoid the ex. but keep the fantasy. There's nothing wrong with you. But you don't want to be in a situation where your ex is keeping your secret. Good luck! |
Anonymous
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Wow, this post paints a pretty sad picture of men. I've always thought highly of most of the men in my life. My father, who raised me alone, was cheated on by his WIFE and never cheated -- he is an honest and loyal man. My husband is the same.
I think many young women equate flirting with wanting to have sex. Most men like to flirt but that in no way equates to wanting to cheat on their wives. Get over yourselves. |
Anonymous
Another lurking guy here. I DISAGREE with this post. It is not accurate, nor helpful, to label all men as dogs. The fact is, there are women and men who are dogs (remember, cheating men need a cheating women to cooperate with them). So, it is more important to judge whether someone is trustworthy based on their character - not their gender. |
Anonymous
Thank you lurking dad.. |
Anonymous
You've just restored some security to some people's world that was becoming unraveled by reality. BTW, in my workplace (sales) it is usually not a cheating woman with the cheating man. Normally the young hot thing is single. This varies GREATLY by profession. In every sales environment I've worked in 75% of the men are dogs and WOULD act on it. I know, because they have tried...its not just flirting. Its so sad, because they have pics of their cute kids all over their office. |
Anonymous
Did you really mean to say "unraveled by REALITY"? So that would mean a FALSE sense of security. If that's what you meant, I AGREE. I've known some very loyal men. My father. My younger brother. I've also known some dogs, who were otherwise wonderful men. My oldest brother. My ex. No need to write off the entire male species. Just know that for whatever reason, they have a tendency to cheat, or think about cheating, or both. Believe whatever you want. But at least in my shoes, I assume the worst until they prove otherwise. |
Anonymous
| Yes, that is what I said, but the sense of security part was sarcastic. There are kinds of things we tell ourselves, true or not, that help us deal with reality or turn our heads to it. |
Anonymous
Very true. I'm never sure whether to envy or pity my friends who think their husbands could never, ever stray (when I know for a fact that some have and do regularly). It's a sad reality that most of us are faced with. |
Anonymous
| Oh Lord, this is a sad place to be. I actually have been cheated on by my ex-husband. And yet, my overall belief STILL is that most men are good, decent people. I truly believe that my current husband, who works in sales by the way, is faithful. And I believe most of his colleagues are good husbands and fathers who do not stray. What a shame to be married and yet so distrustful -- just by virtue of your husband's gender. Sad. |
Anonymous
OP, it's almost been a year - what did you decide to do? How is your marriage doing? |
Anonymous
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Female or Male, we are still only animals...I believe monogamy within the human species is merely a man made invention. Of course we can choose to be more "evolved" then that, but it's just part of who we are as a species.
I do not believe we are meant to only be with one person for our entire life...but I personally have chosen to be. But there are definitely still some moments when I want to let the animal back out...I just whip her back into shape when she starts acting up! |
Anonymous
Don't you have a child whom you care for? |
Anonymous
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God no. No, no, no.
And to provide a counterpoint to the lurking "men are pigs" husband--- umm, men who lurk on a largely women's board and post on a thread about infidelity are not a perfect sample. I know that mine wouldn't. Not because he's promised me, but because it's completely contrary to his nature. Although it's easy to say that neither of us would cheat because we are deeply in love with one another-- and we are, even with mortgage pain-in-the-ass bosses and the a/c thermostat busted and raising the kid, and the aging cat having accidents on the rug and the aches and pains that creep in around 40-- but really we'd never cheat because it's not who we are. Cheating is lying to your spouse. It is treating a third party like an object, and possibly lying to them too. It is risking everything you have for a few hours of what you think is a thrill. It's being a lower primate instead of a human being. And it is being so shallow, unimaginative, and pessimistic that you can't look within yourself and your partner and find the sexual spark that led you to wed and reproduce in the first place. If you know how to do that, sex is pretty damned fantastic even when you're in your 40s and the kid is sleeping down the hall and you smell like bleach from dealing with the cat accident and you really ought to be asleep so you're alert when your asshole boss demands something unreasonable tomorrow, and your aches and pains are aching and paining because you should have had kids sooner. We know how so we have a wonderful sex life that I would not trade for anything. I feel sorry for anyone who would consider screwing someone else and hiding it from their husband. Sorry for them and especially for their kids. The spouse will survive (and yes, he will find out). He can have a revenge affair or divorce you. Your kids are stuck with a mom who threw it all away for a mindless f--k. |
Anonymous
WOW! You said it good. |