Anyone consider or actually have an affair?

[Anonymous]

Just for the sex?

Were you able to live with the guilt if you had any? I'm considering a night with an ex just for the sex. Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just for the sex?

Were you able to live with the guilt if you had any? I'm considering a night with an ex just for the sex. Thoughts?

What's happening at home?

[Anonymous]

Ask your spouse what he/she thinks first.

[Anonymous]

You should really consider what will happen when your spouse finds out. There is no way of actually knowing now whether or not he will find out. It depends on what one night of sex is really worth to you.

[Anonymous]

I feel sorry for your spouse. How selfish you are, unless this would be okay for him to screw around too, then maybe you should join a swingers club.

[Anonymous]

OK, here's a real answer.

I did it. Several years ago. Hindsight is twenty-twenty, but I now realize that what I was doing was throwing a bomb into my marriage so I could get out of it. Did I need out of my marriage? Yes. Do I wish I'd found a less hurtful way to get out? Yes. Do I feel terrible about it now? Nope. It was a long time ago, and what's done is done. I'm done punishing myself over it.

I second the first responder who asks what's up on the homefront. If it's sex and intimacy that you need, counseling or some better sex toys might do the trick. If it's something else, you guys need to take a deeper look at what's going on.

[Anonymous]

OP - things at home are fine; sex is stale but that's understandable I think given we've been together for nearly 20 years including dating. The one night with the ex would be just one night. No emotional attachments and DH would never find out.

Am I really the only one thinking about having sex with a man other than my DH?

[Anonymous]

How would you feel if it were the other way around, with your husband having the affair? And you maybe never knowing. There's your answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I really the only one thinking about having sex with a man other than my DH?

No.

[Anonymous]

Your ex would have something to hold over you forever. There are people from my past who I hope never turn up.
Think, think, think.
Like any other crime. You can never get it all straight.

[Anonymous]

Thinking and acting are two very different things. Don't take the risk.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, my husband had an affair last summer and when I found out about it I had a strong desire for revenge. I fantasized about seducing one of his good friends. It probably wouldn't have been very difficult but in retrospect I'm glad I didn't do it. He made a mistake, was in a very bad place in his life, and I challenged him to get himself back together and he did.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I've fantasized about it. I've had continual vivid dreams about the whole scenario at more than one time in our marriage.

However, I've realized over time that for me, fantasizing about affairs generally only happens when I'm sinking into a depression.
It has much less to do with the state of my marriage and more to do with my own mental health. When I'm not depressed, I'm generally content with my husband and the occasional monotony that comes with a long-term marriage. It's when I'm verging on depression that I start feeling trapped by my spouse and fantasize about meeting someone on the side.

[Anonymous]

Mature people who love their spouses don't do this.

Self-centered people who are deluding themselves do.

If you no longer love your spouse, find a way to achieve an amicable divorce.

If you love your spouse, find a way to work on the stale sex so that you and he are happier.

Having a one-night stand with an ex (regardless of your "reasons") is cheating, hurtful, and just and awful thing to do. Presumably, it also goes against the VOWS you took to each other when you got married.

How hard is it to treat people we claim to love with dignity? If you made a mistake in getting married, that you just now are realizing... that's fine. it happens. But its your mistake, and its up to you to find a way to address and/or extricate yourself from the situation with maturity, grace, and empathy.

If there is one sacred committment I believe you owe to your spouse... it is to be up front and honest with him 100% of the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, my husband had an affair last summer and when I found out about it I had a strong desire for revenge. I fantasized about seducing one of his good friends. It probably wouldn't have been very difficult but in retrospect I'm glad I didn't do it. He made a mistake, was in a very bad place in his life, and I challenged him to get himself back together and he did.

Oh, god, good luck. Having an affair is like taking heroin. It's instantly addictive, and once you've succumbed, it's very, very difficult to avoid a relapse. I hope that you beat the statistics. But do watch him like a hawk. Unfortunately, getting caught, after perhaps the guilt, the only think he probably learned was to better cover his tracks.