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Anyone consider or actually have an affair?
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Anonymous
Not if DH doesn't know about it. If you must do it, pick someone up at a bar when on a business trip or otherwise out of the area. Make sure you don't give your Sex Toy any true personal info. Use him. Then get out of Dodge. My guess is that you'll feel so empty and unfulfilled, that you will never, ever, want to stray again. |
Anonymous
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Geez these is a depressing thread.
What ever happened to "committment"? |
Anonymous
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I wouldn't do it. It makes for a good fantasy, but not good reality.
My sister took the risk of a one night stand, and has now been in a relationship with this man for the past year or so. She feels so guilty and has no idea why her husband would still want to be married to her, as she doesn't feel as if she would be able to forgive him if he were the one seeing someone else. Ultimately, her affair has hurt many people. The worse she felt about herself, the more she saw this man, and the less she spoke to family and friends. |
Anonymous
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Even if your husband would never know (big if), YOU would know. I couldn't live with myself knowing I betrayed someone I love for nothing. And a night of hot sex with an ex IS nothing in the big picture. |
Anonymous
I am right there with ya, sista! I could not agree more. |
Anonymous
Yes, I have thought about it and fantasised about it, but would not act on it. I have a co-worker and we clearly have an intense mutual sexual attraction. My co-worker and I have never discussed this, nor ever spoken inappropriatly, but the sexual tension is strong. I try to avoid him and stay away from happy hours and optional events that he will be present at. My DH is a wonderful and kind person, who loves me very much. He treats me like a delicate piece of fine crystal. I would never do that to him, he'd be crushed and probably never recover. If he were a jerk, I'd easily have an affair. My other overwhelming consideration is our child. Our son loves his father more than anything else in the world. I would never risk a divorce and deprive my son of seeing his dad each and every day. If my DH caught me, the marriage would be completely over. I firmly believe that once you have children, it is a completely different story and their needs come first, and he needs a happy mom and dad living under one roof. So, I do completely understand where you are coming from and probably understand why, but the two factors of having a good and kind husband and a precious little boy who can't wait until his daddy to walks through the dooreach and every night completely takes the temptation away. |
Anonymous
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OP, if things are truly "fine" at home and the only problem is that the "sex is stale," then there are other ways to spice things up besides cheating on your spouse. Sex therapy, new positions, vacation, be creative. If it's just that you personally are bored, then some individual therapy could be helpful to explore what your goals and values are, and what you want to do with your life.
To answer whether I think about sleeping with someone other than DH -- sure, sometimes WHILE sleeping with DH. *That* works wonders for spicing things up too! DH is wonderful and I love him -- a good husband and a good father and generous and playful in bed. Sure, there's a certain sameness after 10 years, but I would never actually sleep with another man. There was infidelity in my parents' marriage and it was devastating to all of us, for years. I couldn't hurt him or our child or myself that way. And I wonder about your assertion that no one would find out. Doesn't everybody think that, about every affair? And yet every day, all over the world, people seem to find out... So watch out; your plan is not as airtight as you think. |
Anonymous
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I'm sure some will argue with me but sometimes I think women are a bit naive when it comes to love and fidelity. All my friends are so certain their husbands would never stray yet I think they have their heads in the sand. I've seen so many workplace sexual affairs and a whole lot of emotional-type cheating -- the "office girlfriend" -- that may be more than that. The male sexual urge is so much more stronger than the female sex drive. Also, most women have affairs for emotional reasons, not purely sexual ones. I was hit on frequently when I was in my early 20s by married men at work -- older men I even thought were my "friends" or "colleagues" -- the booty calls up to your hotel room when you were away for business, one guy even had a newborn baby at home. I made the mistake of getting involved with one, being young and stupid -- something I still regret.
I guess I'm jaded. I love my husband and do generally trust him. He's a good and decent person. But I'm aware that he's human and I can tell by the way he talks about the young entry-level types and interns he supervises that given the chance, were he perhaps more attractive, that he'd probably sleep with them given the chance. I'm not saying all men cheat, but give the OP a break, she's hardly the first person to speak those words or have those thoughts. I guess I'm a little shocked by the shock. I'm sure many of your husbands are doing the same and more. And the statistics say so too. |
Anonymous
i agree 100%. I'm considered very attractive and I'm 29. I'm a successful IT sales rep who calls on the Army and am top ranked in my sales organization. Why? Because all of my customers are horney men; I play into it and rake in the commission checks each month. I hardly know ANYTHING about the technology and just drag my engineer around to all my sales calls. I'm constantly being recruited by other companies and I'm positive it has everything to do with the way I look in a male dominated industry. However, all of my male colleagues are married with children and they are DOGS. There is a lot of travel that goes on and it is just disgusting what they get themselves involved in-especially overseas!!! I have had co-workers try to "walk" me up to my hotel room, hoping for an invite and also some very blunt advances. I’m not sure if alls of their marriages are a mess or if they are just insecure and need validation by fu*king every woman they get a chance with. Whenever a new cute receptionist starts, they all descend on her like piranhas on a piece of bloody meat-they are so pathetic and desperate. |
Anonymous
I completely agree with all of this and feel the same way about my husband as you do. I vividly remember so many instances of being hit on by married men when I was younger and single that it made me afraid to get married for quite a while. And I definitely had an "emotional" affair with someone at work for years (I still think of him sometimes) and I know my husband has done the same. Thanks for injecting a bit of realism. |
Anonymous
| I was "glad" (in a way, but not really) to see the 16:46 and later posts. While reading all the prior posts, I was wondering what the responses would look like if this question was posed by a man in a primarily male-read forum. |
Anonymous
I agree on some parts- I was also in the same boat when younger- hit on constantly by married men- even ones that were I thought just friends but at one point - like years later when traveling together- would get tipsy and try the room visit or call.. it made me really wonder about marriage as well (some with newborns too).. I did encounter most of these "dogs" as men- mostly in sales or a public type of figure- somewhat ego feeding.. |
Anonymous
| Lurking husband here. Sorry. But many of you have it right - men are dogs. There should be a presumption that they will cheat on you if given the opportunity. Some of us will rebut that presumption. Most will not. I'm not sure if it's because we are just programmed this way or what. But it's true, so please keep your eyes open and your heart guarded. DCUD |
Anonymous
This is bullshit. This thread was started by a WOMAN who is thinking of cheating, so how it got to this subject I don't know. I'm sorry, but if you have it in your head that you could cheat on your wife and it would be okay because you're male and it's programmed, that's ridiculous. All people are programmed to notice members of the opposite sex. In my personal experience I find that women are somehow more attracted to men who have a wedding band. It's like they feel like if some other woman wants him, he must be something good! In many cultures it's accepted. In ours, it's not. You get married to someone that you think won't cheat on you, and you don't always know, but it's not a garauntee that your man is looking around to have sex with someone behind your back. I can honestly say that very few of the men I work with hit on other women (although they do of course notice them) and the vast majority do not and probably will never cheat. To the woman who was hit on so much at work: I am a fairly attractive woman as well, and trust me, in a technical field, you don't even have to be attractive to get attention......there aren't many women around. We all get hit on by scummy men. I've been hit on by married men also but I don't let it ruin my view of the entirety of men. I have a family member who had an affair with a 36 year old when she was 17 but I don't think all 36 year old men are walking the pedophile line. Something like 60% of men cheat so that leaves about 40% who don't. I also see men who talk about their wives like they have have lived their lives with an angel delivered to their door 30 years ago. Fields that are home to more extroverted men this is probably more common at. Even if other men may think about it they are probably less likely to act and less likely to even notice anyone other than their wives because they aren't really looking around at anybody. Some men I've worked with I honestly wonder how they even got a woman to date them in the first place because they are so introverted. In all honesty, I've personally known just as many women who have cheated as men. I do agree that women often cheat to end relationships and men sometimes just have trouble resisting an assertive other woman. |
Anonymous
| I think it is true that women have high levels of expectations of love and fidelity than men. Looking around my one work place is representative. There are many twenty something women that have nothing better to do than to "get noticed" by their superiors. They have nothing to lose and it's simply for fun to them. I was naive and did not expect cheating in my office, but have found that a number of the men with wives and children have cheated with the younger women. I would have never expected this. Now I know better. |