did you quit your job before giving birth or rode it out for benefits, then quit?

[Anonymous]

I left after my maternity leave with my first and have never lost a minute's sleep over it. It was the right decision for me, and my family, and in fact it didn't hurt my career or the other women who came after me. I have gone onto several great jobs since, with far better flexbility but equivalent pay/status/responsibilities. And the women who worked in my old office have all had a better time of things than I did - mine was the first pregnancy in this small office of a very large male-dominated corporation, and subsequent to me, the company recognized they had to permit some flexibility for women during their third trimester. (I was forbidden from telecommuting and forced to use up 2 of my 8 maternity leave weeks just to avoid a long and uncomfortable commute during the final 2 weeks... then they told me since I was on STD I was forbidden from performing any work or even responding to email, which meant I had to leave things hanging even though I could have finished the projects easily from home.)

Do whatever is right for you, in your situation, OP. It is worth considering how it might impact your reputation, etc. For me, I would have had a harder time doing what I did with my second child, simply because I really didn't know for absolutely sure how I would feel about going back after #1 came but the second time around was easier to plan for in the sense that it wasn't all new. (For me, it was a moot point - by the time I had #2, I was in a great job with lots of flexibility, worked throughout my leave and came back happily at 4 months.) However, don't buy into the argument that it is unethical or that you are doing a disservice to others by using benefits that you entitled to under the conditions of employment at your place of work. Think of it this way: if a man took STD for a serious life-altering condition and decided after 6 or 8 weeks to resign, can you imagine anyone arguing that he was setting back some cause by doing so?

[Anonymous]

To the PP above, I don't think it's accurate to compare the man's physical illness with OP. The reason is that the quitting abruptly after maternity leave seems so...emotional and that is why it makes women look bad.

I'd have much more respect for a woman who played it straight and indicated that she and her husband had gone over finances, decided it was feasible to stay home, felt it was important for one of them to be home, etc., and made a plan, formulated it, then the alternative which is to have the baby and quit abruptly and blame it on "I didn't know how I would feel!"

I'm sure I'll get flamed as cold-hearted or something. I'm a mom, I get it, but I think it's wrong. It would be one thing if this is what happened, but OP is full on admitting this isn't what is going on. She knows she is quitting, she wants the benefit. I said it before in another post, just because all of our employers look out for themselves doesn't make it right, for me anyway, to act dishonestly all for a few weeks worth of pay. Like I said, if you need the pay that much I question the decision to leave the workforce.

[Anonymous]

I'd be concerned that if i bailed and ever needed their recommendation, I would have burned that bridge. Not sure a couples weeks of pay are worth undermining your reputation/goodwill. All i know is that its a small world and people talk...so id take the high road and try to be as honest as possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If when you joined the deal was benefits if you come back, not if you don't, then you know the deal, right?

How, as some PPs say, are the benefits "owed" to her if that is the plan?

By "joined" in the above sentence, do you mean "signed an employment contract?"

If you signed something saying you would get 2 weeks of maternity leave ONLY IF you returned to your job after the baby was born and worked for X number of days, then of course that's the deal.

But I don't think that is the deal most places; in fact, most people understand that the maternity leave, especially 2 weeks worth, is a miniscule benefit anyhow.

[Anonymous]

And no matter what, short term disability is yours whether you go back to work or don't. That's between you and the insurance company.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To the PP above, I don't think it's accurate to compare the man's physical illness with OP. The reason is that the quitting abruptly after maternity leave seems so...emotional and that is why it makes women look bad.

I'd have much more respect for a woman who played it straight and indicated that she and her husband had gone over finances, decided it was feasible to stay home, felt it was important for one of them to be home, etc., and made a plan, formulated it, then the alternative which is to have the baby and quit abruptly and blame it on "I didn't know how I would feel!"

I'm sure I'll get flamed as cold-hearted or something. I'm a mom, I get it, but I think it's wrong. It would be one thing if this is what happened, but OP is full on admitting this isn't what is going on. She knows she is quitting, she wants the benefit. I said it before in another post, just because all of our employers look out for themselves doesn't make it right, for me anyway, to act dishonestly all for a few weeks worth of pay. Like I said, if you need the pay that much I question the decision to leave the workforce.

As a working mom, I agree.

[Anonymous]

i agree with previous posters that it is unethical to pretend to be coming back when you are not going to, and similarly, that there may be consequences for doing so.

what i object to is the naive argument that if you tell them you are not coming back, somehow you are entitled to negotiate extra benefits because you are such a good person. that is stupid, IMO. if you leave, you get what everyone else gets. and if you tell them you are quitting, don't be surprised if they treat you like anyone else who has given notice.

[Anonymous]

OP, what are the details of your benefits?

Depending on that you may have us arguing over a moot point. For example the 'two weeks' are your vacation and disability insurance is not tied to your company. If you gave two weeks notice before giving birth you'd still get a check for your vacation time and the disability insurance, thus moot point. In that case you would be royally screwing over your employer for nothing.

In general, though it's best not to burn bridges because if you ever want to go back to work you'll need a recommendation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our crappy maternity leave policies are the main reason women have to quit their jobs in the first place when they have a baby. It's awful. Take the benefits and don't feel bad about it FOR ONE SECOND.

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

In general, though it's best not to burn bridges because if you ever want to go back to work you'll need a recommendation.

Do firms still write personal recommendations? I haven't been able to write a personal recommendation for an employee for several years for liability reasons. HR handles all that and will only include job title and dates of employment in the letter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

In general, though it's best not to burn bridges because if you ever want to go back to work you'll need a recommendation.

Do firms still write personal recommendations? I haven't been able to write a personal recommendation for an employee for several years for liability reasons. HR handles all that and will only include job title and dates of employment in the letter.

You mean law firms? In my field recommendations are critical to getting ahead. Even if it wasn't allowed all it takes is a quick phone call to that person and a few non-answers from them..

[Anonymous]

People who do this are the reason that companies don't like to hire women of childbearing age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

In general, though it's best not to burn bridges because if you ever want to go back to work you'll need a recommendation.

Do firms still write personal recommendations? I haven't been able to write a personal recommendation for an employee for several years for liability reasons. HR handles all that and will only include job title and dates of employment in the letter.

It's not personal recommendations, it's more word of mouth. Things have a way of getting around in different fields/industries without the company being legally accountable. DC is a small town. Not saying this will happen to OP but it's not all about formal, written recommendations.

[Anonymous]

OP here with an update:
After your posts helped guide my decision; as well, my boss made it clear she was not going to be any more accomodating after I return from leave, I went ahead and gave my notice.
I weighed the financial benefit (which wasn't much) with the benefit of being upfront and candid. When I told my boss (rather self-servingly) that I had hoped resigning now would provide her enough time to find a replacement, she seemed gracious and responded with kind words about my departure. I was actually surprised by this, but reassured by the response and I doubt I will regret giving up 2 weeks pay for that piece of mind.

To summarize the entire thread, I think the decision to tell now or wait depends on a person's personal financial situation, and their relationship with their boss / industry.
I do appreciate the discourse - I was surprised to see such strong feelings on both sides. Shows you the difference in values and personal situations.

Thanks again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here with an update:
After your posts helped guide my decision; as well, my boss made it clear she was not going to be any more accomodating after I return from leave, I went ahead and gave my notice.
I weighed the financial benefit (which wasn't much) with the benefit of being upfront and candid. When I told my boss (rather self-servingly) that I had hoped resigning now would provide her enough time to find a replacement, she seemed gracious and responded with kind words about my departure. I was actually surprised by this, but reassured by the response and I doubt I will regret giving up 2 weeks pay for that piece of mind.

To summarize the entire thread, I think the decision to tell now or wait depends on a person's personal financial situation, and their relationship with their boss / industry.
I do appreciate the discourse - I was surprised to see such strong feelings on both sides. Shows you the difference in values and personal situations.

Thanks again.

Staying classy and leaving with your head held high. You made the right choice!