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Redefining "worth" after young and attractive ends
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Anonymous
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OP I am sure if my friends read your post they would assume I wrote it. I am in the exact same position. Had DC #2 5 months ago and most of close friends aren't even in serious relationships! I know I look good and put together compared to most people with a 3yr old and 5 month old but I am struggling everyday with where I go from here. I am fully aware I have vain and superficial tendencies. I don't need a lecture on that. Since #2 was born I have made it my mission to go to the gym 5 or 6 days a week and work on reclaiming my body as my own. After 4 months I am looking good. Clearly I am not rocking strapless sundresses everyday at the park but I def put a concerted effort into how I look everyday. I feel like my focus is now trying to leave the house having me and 2 children look great. I know some people look at me and my kids and are probably horrified questioning how much I spend on clothing. Don't really care it's keeping me going and happy about life.
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Anonymous
They're at the gym or biking or running. |
Anonymous
At 29 you are certainly not old! What you are feeling is kind of a typical "who am I after I have kids," phase when you do nothing but take care of the kids or think about taking care of the kids. I sometimes look back at photos of me when my kids were 4 and 2 (I was in my mid-30s then) and my God I looked pretty bad. Dumpy. Dull. Listless. You can get it back! I'm not going to go out on a limb and tell you I am smoking hot. I'm not. However, I work really hard at staying in the best physical shape I can because it has an amazing ability to make me feel damn good. The other benefits aren't bad, but the mental part of it is fantastic. I started working out religiously when I was 28 and it is now 20 years later. Start taking care of yourself and I guarantee you that not only will you feel better about yourself, but other people will notice you. And, while I can still turn a couple of heads (especially if they're not close up) my new demographic are much, much older men. Hell, I'll take what I can get these days. 
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Anonymous
The xanax has skewed their perception of reality. |
Anonymous
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OP you are my long lost sister. Im the same age w/ the kids too. But after dating a couple older guys I can tell you thats where its at Who wants a 23yo? hehehehehehehe
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Anonymous
Or bitching up a storm on DCUM. |
Anonymous
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OP back - thanks for the responses all. I appreciate hearing that there is a "who am I after kids?" phase that most women go through. And I think a PP said it right - particularly because hardly any of my friends have kids, it makes it worse. When I do get to go out with them, they look like they've had a good night sleep and had an hour to pick an outfit and do their hair. I'm exhausted, haven't really been shopping for going out clothes, not feeling quite comfortable in my new body yet, etc. Just not sure who I am now.
And no, I was never "smoking hot" although I've always been thin and relatively attractive. Its just that I used to be AE to get dressed for a wedding or something and thought I looks good and I never feel like I look good anymore. I also struggle with what is "looking good" if it's not looking "sexy". Like I can't really pull off a tight dress anymore because I have a bit of a belly pooch. So how do I know if I look "good"? I need a 30yo mom wardrobe - more classy than young and hot. Haven't found that look yet. |
Anonymous
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OP, I can totally identify and I'm in my mid 40s, so my revelation was much slower than yours. I thought I was still hot stuff at 29 lol (although I think it's because I didn't have kids until my mid 40s). Here's how I figure it - I look great for my age; I don't want to be hit on constantly; older men still think I "have it;" I enjoy and am invested in my family and my career.
It takes time to learn to age gracefully, don't rush it 
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Anonymous
| Every dog has his day. |
Anonymous
Do you also work outside the home 40 hours a week? |
Anonymous
| to 10:58, I am the poster you quoted. I do not work outside the house really. I do have recently started doing contract work 10 hrs a week and that's all I want for right now. Enough to keep my brain functioning but not too much so I feel overworked. |
Anonymous
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"I feel like my focus is now trying to leave the house having me and 2 children look great. I know some people look at me and my kids and are probably horrified questioning how much I spend on clothing. Don't really care it's keeping me going and happy about life. "
Wow! |
Anonymous
| It's a lot easier to put a priority on getting to the gym 5 or 6 times a week and getting back in shape when you're not working and commuting 50+ hours each week, and parenting young children. Good for you though. |
Anonymous
| OP again - that's great for the PP who is at the gym 5 times a week and dresses herself and her kids in really nice clothes. Not a dress my kids in expensive clothing type person, but I would love to have that much gym time and I do think that would help. I work 40+ hours a week, so I have very little time to myself. That's probably part of the problem. |
Anonymous
| I am the PP that makes it to the gym. I know that is probably the main thing that is making me feel better. I do feel very fortunate to have that opportunity. |