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Question for women who have enlisted help @ home
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Anonymous
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OP, I hear you. I have used Clutter Busters in the past. I have no stake in them, but Betsy is great and specifically, Theresa (if she is still there, its been years) is amazing. She has helped me in more than one of our homes, each having different storage challenges.
My big problem is my husband, as much as I love him. Without getting into too much detail, he grew up with a dad that did not respect himself or namely, his wife/DH's mom, so any efforts DH's mom made were out the window, so to speak. DH has a nasty habit of undoing what I do for the home, which sucks obviously. DH wants to micromanage, and it ends up being an uphill battle, which only exacerbates the situation. I swear it makes everyone depressed, if only he could realize he is most of the problem. For example: if I want to build a closet (he is not handy at all) - he will fight me on it. Here we go again. [We've tried therapy, but he is too charming to make progress, apparently.] We have insurmountable paper, it seems. Mail is purged immediately, but the kids art and the work and papers they bring home every day are swallowing us up. The third problem is the little pieces that come with toys. There are drawers full of pieces, but inevitably, a child will say "this is lost or broken" and seek to replace it, which has an endless cycle, needless to say. Yes, everything is in labeled bins, but it does not seem to matter, somehow. How truly discouraging, after all that work! Two of the children have manageable lots somehow (boys: cards and legos), but the girls seem to have more "pieces". DH's office is just piles and piles and piles. Of what, I do not know. He seems happy with a mess, unfortunately. Anyway, I appreciate this post as I was just contemplating a new perspective and HOW (!) to get one. |
Anonymous
Ditto. |
Anonymous
Not true. My nanny is home all day with the kids. Duh. |
Anonymous
Yes. |
Anonymous
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"Since you mention tidying before bed so that you don't come home to an untidy house, I think that you WOHM? Yes? Then you should really not be so judgmental. After all, when you SAH with your kids, you are actually LIVING in your house, and not just sleeping there. "
Does every SAMP live in a pigsty? |
Anonymous
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Ladies, calm down before this devolves any further.
If you are a disorganized, overwhelemed, or scatterbrained person, NO AMOUNT of time at home will really help you keep your home clean, especially if you have kids home all afternoon. Until you learn not to be disorganized and scatterbrained (and more efficient). If you are the above type person you will have a disorganized cluttered home, whether you work full time, part time, or not at all. Except if you work full time you might feel justified in spending money to hire people to help you out. But if you are a disorganized person, you probably will also have a messy desk at work. It is counterproductive to label someone as lazy when they very likely are just disorganized and are trying to figure out what to do about it. "Work harder" doesn't work for kids who have ADHD very well, and it doesn't work very well for disorganized grownups, either. They need to learn to work smarter and figure out how to get organized. |
Anonymous
Doesn't explain the lazy people. |
Anonymous
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OP, I have to agree with the PP who said you should consider getting a PT job and using the earnings to pay for a maid, organizer, whatever. It sounds like getting organized is only part of your frustration and that the deeper issue is that you feel underappreciated. Even if you get a low-stress job 10 hours a week, it will get you out of the house and away from the everyday tasks that bog you down. Do something fun that you have always wanted to do. You don't need to make that much to be able to cover the costs of a maid every other week and I think you may find that you feel more appreciated for the work that you are doing at work than at home (if nothing else, at least you are getting paid).
Just my two cents. This is not a contribution to the SAHM vs WOHM battle---this is just my assessment of your situation. |
Anonymous
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I'm a SAHM and clutter makes me crazy. While our home definitely has a more lived in look on a daily basis now that I'm home with 3yo twins, it's generally guest-ready with about 15 minutes of work. Some things that help me maintain order and my sanity include:
1. Our kids have a fraction of the toys that their peers have. They still have plenty to entertain themselves, but toys do not take over our home. Half the time they are happier making up a game with empty amazon boxes than playing with real toys. Fewer toys means less mess to accumulate. Every toy has its place and toys are to be picked up in any given room before moving on to the next activity. For example, we won't go to the park until the toys are put away in the playroom. 2. Dh grew up in a cluttered home and, while he's come a long way, tends to let things build up. He often works from home, but his office has a door and I can toss his stuff in there and close the door. Out of sight, out of mind for me. For our bedroom and shared closet, I ask that he not leave a trail of debris for me to deal with. I'm staying home to spend time with our kids, not to be his personal maid. By default, I do more housework, but I ask him to do his part to avoid creating more work for me. 3. As a PP said, the house, especially the kitchen, needs to be tidy before I go to bed. This is fairly easy to maintain because I don't like a lot of stuff on countertops and we don't have a lot of knick knacks, which means less to clutter and dust. 4. Keep a spray bottle with a vinegar solution and a pile of clean rags under every sink for quick cleaning. Because I try to consistently declutter, actually cleaning (either surface or deeper) is much quicker because there is not a lot of prep work involved. I also stash microfiber dust clothes around the house. Because I clean mostly with vinegar, the kids can help, too. I spray and they wipe. They also have little brooms and dust pans to help sweep up crumbs. 5. Meal prep is also a big time and cost saver. Make double batches of things or large enough quantities to oplan for leftovers. In a typical week, I'll cook Sun-Tues, with leftovers for Wed and Thurs. Always have a stash of go-to items in the freezer so you can devote time to cleaning and decluttering while the kids are in school rather than meal prep a couple times a month. Keeping yourself organized is not unlike consistent discipline with kids. And it's a good example to set for kids, IMHO. |
Anonymous
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13:06 -- have you ever stayed at home raising your children and managing a household full time?
Please don't judge until you've been there, and if you have -- how quickly you forget how much it takes to keep things ship shape. It takes consistent work, persistence and commitment. Your nanny is clearly a powerhouse. Please give her her due respect when you return home tonight from work. 
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Anonymous
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I also agree with the clutter purging. Except for seasonal items that can be stored in the basement or garage (sleds, beach/pool toys), there should only be as much stuff as your house can store. This includes some designated areas for sentimental things (the attic) BUT each person should get only a defined amount of space so that if they want to store more they need to weed through and repack.
For each room, invest in shelves/bins for as much space as you have (without making it too cluttered). Put shelves in the closets and give each child an adult-sized dresser and bookshelf in their room. Then, anything that doesn't fit in that space needs to go; let the kids decide what they care most about and have them weed things out. Allow for a box for sentimental items, but don't let that grow to more than one box per child. For shared spaces, do the same thing. China cabinet in the dining room, adult bookshelves (CD/DVD racks) in the living room, child shelves and bins in the family room. Anything the children share can go into shared bins. Everything needs to be on a shelf or in a bin at night or it gets given away, no exceptions. Trust me, one instance of you throwing away a bunch of their toys will drive this message home (and any that they really miss you can replace at the next birthday; I would personally make exceptions for loveys and books). Any junky little plastic toy I would go with the approach above: two days and then it goes to charity (a lot of preschool teachers actually look for those little happy meal toys at thrift stores to use as classroom rewards, I learned). In your case, OP, I would start with a two-pronged approach. I would get the kids' rooms organized and have them weed their stuff until it could fit on the shelves you have. I would at the same time get your DH and the kids involved in home care. (The easiest way I always suggest as a starting point is to stop doing his laundry; just tell him you have too much already between yours, the kids', and house laundry.) Have the kids put their laundry in hampers and then into the wash, bring their dishes to/from the table, get out their own snacks (when age-appropriate). Have a designated time each day (during the transition process) for cleaning something up to emphasize the family nature of keeping things tidy. Once you get the clutter under control and have better habits about putting things away I'd go back to hiring a cleaning person. |
Anonymous
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Also: in the transition period, consider hiring a college student (or high schooler, but that wouldn't work until summer) to come in a few hours a week to help you. Either to be an extra set of hands while you purge or move shelves around during school time or to play with the kids while you do similar things after school. Even just twice a week for two hours each time would help get some momentum going.
I should add, if your DH has an office or room of his own, collect his clutter from around the house as you go and deposit it in there. Anything he doesn't hang up or put away that's in your way as you try to do something else, put it in there. When he asks about something just say, "if it's not where it goes it's either where you left it or in your office." If he cares about where his things are, he'll start putting them somewhere else. If he doesn't care, at least they're not in your way. |
Anonymous
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OP again - 15:05 & 15:08, love the suggestions! Thank you!
I am glad there are others out there who relate and have tangible suggestions -- this is very helpful! Like I'd said, on some level I have burnt out and checked out, which obviously contributes to the problem. I think if I redouble my efforts and really push (and yes, I will have to really push, as my family has gotten way to used to it all being my responsibility) maybe we can get this all under control. Many thanks DCUMs. |
Anonymous
I've done both and I agree. Your house gets much dirtier and messier when you (and the kids) are home all day. |
Anonymous
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You shouldn't be picking up after your kids. I know it is hard, and sometimes not worth it, but the more I engage my son in the chores, the better he behaves. I have also (finally) got dad on board with giving the boy dinner set up instructions so that I don't have to cook and teach at the same time.
(No comments on why I am doing the work and dad is sitting there ordering son around - disabilities make this our reality. As far as I am concerned, getting son to do things, and getting son to do work without whining is REALLY BIG HELP) |