Question for women who have enlisted help @ home

[Anonymous]

I am overwhelmed at home and considering getting more help. I am not sure what's going on but for years I have struggled with our home in terms of keeping it orderly -- not clean, so much -- just picked up & in order.

I always thought it would get easier when the kids weren't babies any longer (they are now early elementary and preschool) but now I'm wondering what to do. Our home doesn't have a lot of storage and things seem to pile up despite my best efforts. DH is a workaholic and rarely has time or energy to do projects around the house that would help us stay organized. He sometimes gets freaked out and just has a weekend day when he'll help out because he can't stand it anymore!

I'm not sure whether I need a full weekend with kids + DH out of the house so I can power clean / organize; whether I need a professional organizer; or whether I just need help during the week to keep the chore treadmill from backing up.

I am a SAHM, who has honestly given it a lot of thought. I never stop moving. I just don't know how people do it all, and actually manage to have a life left over to enjoy. By no means do I want a home right out of Architectural Digest, I just want it neat and somewhat orderly for more than a day.

This isn't a "Hoarders" situation at all. But I am beginning to wonder: do I need to just get rid of 50 percent of all our stuff, so cleaning, maintaining and organizing it doesn't eat up my whole life??!

For those of you, working outside of the home or not, who have enlisted help at home, what have you found was the most helpful aspect of taking care of the house that you farmed out: laundry and cleaning? cooking? errands? childcare? Obviously it depends on how much of the housework you shoulder at home to begin with...

And if you have gotten help, has it made a reasonable difference? Have any of you had professional organizers come in? I am wondering if maybe we just need to get someone in here to build us more bookshelves and storage spaces in our home -- it is a small scale 4-square built 85+ years ago and not really renovated much...

Thanks for any insights!

[Anonymous]

Cleaning is the first thing I'd outsource. It takes a lot of time to do it thoroughly and there's not much to enjoy about it, unlike cooking and even errands which at least get you out of the house. Next would be laundry (after cleaning) which can at least be done while watching TV.

[Anonymous]

I don't mean this in a bad way....but if you stay home and your kids are in school at least part-time don't you have a few hours a few times a week do housework?

What do you need to organize?
I would really encourage you to purge a lot of the stuff. If you haven't touched it in a few months then it can be tossed/donated. Once you clear the clutter then you may be able to organize better.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks, PP.

I agree = I need more help with cleaning and laundry.

I had someone coming in every 2-3 weeks for cleaning but she never did laundry. It was cuckoo how I would race around the house to "clear a path" for the cleaning lady before she arrived. Then we would all bask in the gorgeousness of the cleaned, orderly house for a day and a half until it was back to chaos!

I have not had her in for a while due to trying to cut costs but am realizing that it's necessary right now while my kids still need so much attention still and that things get out of control so quickly. It is $$ well invested, but having grown up in a house where Mom Did It ALL, I find myself second-guessing the hiring help thing -- it's silly, really.

I have no idea how our family of 4 has so much darn laundry; I am trying to teach my kids that unless things are truly dirty they can't just be flung into the hamper!

The amount of laundry is insane and most of the time it's anyone's but my own!

[Anonymous]

Clear the clutter. Less to clean.

Get the kids involved in clean up on a daily basis. DS is not even two, but it's his "job" to carry the wipes back to the diaper crate after he gets changed. He also "helps" when I'm unloading the dishwasher by taking all of the spoons and putting them (willy nilly) in the appropriate kitchen drawer. We're grooming him for future labor.

Organize around how you actually live. Bowl for mail by the front door. Canvas crate under front table for jackets and hats. Hell, we bought a much larger trash can for the kitchen because DH decided taking the trash out ONCE a week was enough. Toys go in the toy bin. We keep the sink empty (no dish pile-up).

Sounds like you have a major disconnect between your space and how you live. Less storage, less stuff.

[Anonymous]

21:34, OP here.

Thanks for your response. Yes, I hear you. This is the line my DH takes with me. I am not saying it's unreasonable to ask the question you ask.

That's kind of my point in posting: I am really trying to figure it out. I have tried making a schedule to stick to and have realized that if I clean / tidy from the second the kids are not with me until they need me again, a lot gets done, YES, but it means I literally do not stop all day.

It's exhausting.

And, I do try to do things to take care of myself too, the very basic things, which don't always take precedence.

I don't know. Perhaps I just can't stand the monotony of days filled with taking care of a house. Homemaking is overrated.

I love being there for my kids but being everyone's maid really stinks.

I do think I need to pare down this house, if only for my sake, so it's much simpler to keep things from overwhelming me.

[Anonymous]

I do a load every morning On quick cycle , often two. This keep things sanE at our house and really is easy as small loads so put away right away. The maids service every other week for deep cleaning. The rest just gets done but yes I purge purge purge and am a place for every thing kind of person. The kids are now too. It does help! Good luck

[Anonymous]

Keys: less stuff, read some simple living websites or books, organization, systems that are automatic ie sort mail and through out right away etc, cleaning help every other week.

[Anonymous]

Thanks all -- I think the poster who mentioned the disconnect between space and its capacity to hold stuff is right.

I really need to get more comfortable with throwing stuff out.

For those who responded, how often do you deal with the kids' stuff in terms of purging the toys and books & / rotating toys or doing seasonal kids' clothing inventory?

I wonder if I should pack up a box occasionally of toys and clothes and just take them out of "rotation" so there won't be so much STUFF around.

Also, admittedly, just not allowing stuff into the house in the first place is a good start. I am now beginning to understand the "no presents please" on birthday invitations!!

[Anonymous]

I pack up toys they haven't played with in a while around Christmas and save for a spring yard sale. It's about time now . . . They are supportive of selling stuff because I "earmark" the money from the sale for a trip to an amusement park this summer)

[Anonymous]

I agree that getting rid of stuff is key. I have a regularly scheduled monthly goodwill trip to drop off anything that I find we don't need. If there are any outgrown toys/books/clothes/ etc. I put them in the empty box, wait a month, then throw it out. If anyone wonders where something is then I fish it out, but if they went a month without knowing that toy was gone, then they don't need it.

It also sounds like DH and the kids expect you to do everything which is bad for you AND bad for them. Do you really want your kid growing up to be THAT roommate? My 2 yo can match socks, carry dishes to the sink, place folded laundry in the right room, unload the dryer, and set the table with help. My 5 yo can vacuum, wipe the table (onto the floor usually, but still...), put clothes on hangars and load the silverware into the dishwasher. My 8yo can independently do the dinner dishes, start a load of laundry, take out trash/recycling to the garage, and sweep the floor. They are all in charge of cleaning up their own toys. This is something I was mindful of teaching them even when my oldest was young, so it will probably get more resistance from your kids since it's new, but they should be physically capable of being very helpful.

[Anonymous]

OP,

Here are a few things that help me stay more organized. I purge clothing and toys for the children twice per year. We do January and June. I freecycle the stuff because I know I can get it out in a day. You could ebay, donate, craigslist, yardsale, whatever. I just want it out. My friends know that if they want things, they need to come over on my purge day because I won't hold it.

For clothing I keep a plastic bin in the closet for each child. When the laundry comes upstairs clean, I take the too small clothes out and throw them in the bin and freecycle the stuff when the bin is full.

Kids are full participants because they are making room for new toys. They ask to purge toys now.

I sort mail immediately upon coming inside. I also wrote to a million places to remove my name from junk mail lists. I deal with all papers and crap from school immediately. I have a checkbook, envelopes, pens, notepaper, etc in a basket in the kitchen so I can whatever needs to be done with deluge of paper that comes home from school. If you have a newspaper delivered, stop it. You can read almost any paper online.

I have also trained my kids. They hang up their uniform clothes, put their shoes in the same place, underclothing in the hamper, every single night. They clear their plates. They know if they don't put their toys away, I throw them out. So when they are done for the day, they put their stuff on their shelves or in the bins that I have out for their things.

We also make beds which I think neatens a room instantly. Kids make theirs after school. We are not home all day so that can wait until they get home.

It sounds like you need to remove about 2/3 of the stuff from your house. Major decluttering takes more than an afternoon. If your kids are in school, every day between now and the end of school, walk through your house and pick up 20 things and throw them in the trash.

[Anonymous]

Get the kids to do some of the work. How old are they? I'm just guessing at ages, but it seems to me that at least two of them should be able to straighten a room, and at least one of them should be able to wash, dry, and fold laundry.

[Anonymous]

I have someone come in for 2-3 hours every weekday afternoon. She cleans, laundry, cooks, whatever I need. We pay her $17.00 on the books per hour and she is legal to work. Best idea I've had ever!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

OP again -- thank you PPs! I think this is one of those questions that is essentially simple but when you're stuck in it, you don't see the simpler solutions.

My kids are notorious for not cleaning up after themselves. I get so worn out trying to get them to listen and be consistent about chores. I clearly need to step it up and get really focused on that -- their mess is exhausting and I think I have mentally checked out of it. They have too much stuff.

I am going to cancel any magazine / newspaper that comes into the house and revisit catalogchoice.com to deal with the never ending paper stream.

And I am taking cues from the chores listed above that are assigned to young kids. I am totally over the littlest one saying "I don't know how" when I ask her to take care of her things!!

I was away for a few days a couple years ago with DH taking full charge of the kids. I left the house spic and span and guess what -- when I returned the house was atrocious.

Seems that I need to assign chores to the kids, and DH too.