Question for women who have enlisted help @ home

[Anonymous]

PS: I have found the following sites that are helpful (pretty much just a quickie Google search yielded these):

http://organizedhome.com/cut-clutter/declutter-101-where-do-I-start

http://zenhabits.net/simple-living-manifesto-72-ideas-to-simplify-your-life/

[Anonymous]

OP, would you consider hiring someone like clutter busters?

http://www.clutterbusters.com/index.cfm/container_id/397/container_top_level_id/416.htm

I know it would be expensive, but maybe they cuold just help you get a room or two under control, so you wouldn't feel so overwhelmed and would have the energy to deal with the rest and keep it up? You might just be out of control and really need the help.

You can't organize clutter!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:21:34, OP here.

Thanks for your response. Yes, I hear you. This is the line my DH takes with me. I am not saying it's unreasonable to ask the question you ask.

That's kind of my point in posting: I am really trying to figure it out. I have tried making a schedule to stick to and have realized that if I clean / tidy from the second the kids are not with me until they need me again, a lot gets done, YES, but it means I literally do not stop all day.

It's exhausting.

And, I do try to do things to take care of myself too, the very basic things, which don't always take precedence.

I don't know. Perhaps I just can't stand the monotony of days filled with taking care of a house. Homemaking is overrated.

I love being there for my kids but being everyone's maid really stinks.

I do think I need to pare down this house, if only for my sake, so it's much simpler to keep things from overwhelming me.

I felt the same way (especially the maid part). I went back to work. With the extra $$ we outsource the things we don't enjoy and I am MUCH happier. I was not cut out to be a SAHM.

[Anonymous]

OP - I don't have a good solution. I struggle with this too. My house has so much clutter - sometimes I think my DH is a hoarder, although it isn't like the hoarders on TV. It takes me a good bit on concentration to get rid of stuff.

[Anonymous]

PPs, I am trolling my home with a giant lawn & leaf bag today and tossing ruthlessly.

Who's with me?

I am going to seriously consider clutter busters. Barring their being too expensive, I think it may be a good idea.

[Anonymous]

1. Get rid of the crap.
2. Train DH and kids to do housework.
3. Get into a routine that works.
4. STOP BEING A LIVE IN SERVANT/DRUDGE FOR DH AND KIDS.

WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?

[Anonymous]

You can't organize clutter. Just get rid of stuff, especially toys. Your kids probably don't play with most of them and won't miss things that you take to goodwill while they're at school.

Try www.flylady.net

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, would you consider hiring someone like clutter busters?

http://www.clutterbusters.com/index.cfm/container_id/397/container_top_level_id/416.htm

I know it would be expensive, but maybe they cuold just help you get a room or two under control, so you wouldn't feel so overwhelmed and would have the energy to deal with the rest and keep it up? You might just be out of control and really need the help.

You can't organize clutter!

I wonder if they do cars too. I would happily pay for someone to rid me of my clutter. I need help! (Not OP.)

Thanks for the link!

[Anonymous]

7:36, OP again.

I am enjoying this thread; it is eye opening. I am not sure why I just take on so much around here, especially when it is eclipsing my being able to actually *be* a relatively happy, involved mom in my kids' life and less of a burned out (sometimes bitchy) wife to my husband. It is unreal how much time maintaining this house has become.

I think, even though he would never admit it, that my sweet husband does sort of do a mental "eye roll" when I reach my limit and voice my upset at the state of our chore breakdown. He is bringing in the bacon that supports our family and he does think that bears more respect -- he has never actually said so, though.

Both are important! (But I see how the one bringing in the money really sees it as their job having more weight in terms of family survival).

I also think he believes that since I have "chosen to stay at home" that he doesn't need to be as meticulous about the state of our home / his things.

By the way, DH was a neat freak when I met him. I am not sure if it's the broken window theory, (http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_is_the_broken_window_theroy) or what, but right now his workout clothes from Tuesday are still in a ball behind our bathroom door. Yes, really!!

I don't think DH really wants me at home with most of my waking hours sans kids spent on the endless drudgery of housework but if we want our home the way we both like it, then that seems to be what I have to do.

I am going to take a hard line this weekend with the entire family and see what I can make happen. DH can be really myopic and self-important with the career thing. That's a big obstacle to overcome; to get him to get it in perspective a little. We are under stress because I am under stress!!

Thanks again for the ongoing comments and suggestions everyone. And for listening to the venting!

[Anonymous]

OP - did you and DH discuss any of these issues before you chose to SAH?

[Anonymous]

A few specific changes that helped us --
(1) Every room has at least one toy bucket. Nicer ones in the rooms that adults also inhabit. I do a sweep every night and throw all the toys & books strewn around the room into the bucket. Makes it so much easier to decompress without all the clutter around. Having small rooms actually makes this an even easier task.
(2) We are in the midst of a shift where TV is a privilege not a right. The kids have to do certain chores BEFORE the TV is turned on.
(3) I installed height-appropriate coat hooks for each kid in our coat closet. They have to hang up their backpack and coat and put away their lunchbox when they come in the door. I feel your pain about your DH, because the kids are now well-trained on this and it KILLS me when he comes home and throw his coat on the couch and it's still there in the AM.
(4) My husband puts away the dishes before he leaves for work in the morning. This makes it easy to put dirty dishes straight in the dishwasher all day, reducing dirty dishes clutter in the kitchen.

Good luck! It is really hard to keep a house clean with kids.

[Anonymous]

Agree that cleaning is something I prefer to outsource, but it sounds like part of your challenge is decluttering--and purging. It is much easier to keep a house orderly if you don't keep bringing new stuff in. I buy as little as possible and as soon as clothing or shoes stop fitting, they go right into a designated bag in the basement for the quarterly donation run, or I give them as hand me downs. I do the same with my own clothes--everything I own needs to fit into my available closet space (which ain't much). If I buy a new piece, I try to get rid of an old one.

I do find kids to be an enormous source of clutter--art, art supplies, toys, lego constructions in progress, goody bag items from birthday parties...my rule with my kids is that they don't get new toys without first giving away an existing toy, and we either decline goody bags (easier when they were smaller) or I give the kids a 48 hour limit on the contents--play with the little doodad now because it is going away Monday morning. It all sounds harsh probably, but for me it works, and it is cheaper than buying a new set of bins at the Container Store or paying someone to organize stuff that I don't really need or want. Of course I keep a few keepsake kinds of things, but the weekly slog of art projects, completed worksheets, a robot made of papertowel rolls is what turns my house from peaceful haven to clutter world.

On the cleaning front, having someone come twice a week has pretty much restored domestic harmony. DH and I both work FT, and even if it is only twice a week, coming home to a clean kitchen and beds all made prevents a LOT of tension.

[Anonymous]

I CAN'T STAND coming home to an untidy house. I make sure my house is tidy BEFORE I go to bed. No need to outsource. With 2 adults in the house, and kids who can be trained to handle easy tasks, it should be a breeze.

Hard to understand how SAHM can't handle it.

[DirtBusta]

Dirt Busta can help with your laundry needs 703-906-2536 or visit www.dirtbusta.com.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I CAN'T STAND coming home to an untidy house. I make sure my house is tidy BEFORE I go to bed. No need to outsource. With 2 adults in the house, and kids who can be trained to handle easy tasks, it should be a breeze.

Hard to understand how SAHM can't handle it.

Since you mention tidying before bed so that you don't come home to an untidy house, I think that you WOHM? Yes? Then you should really not be so judgmental. After all, when you SAH with your kids, you are actually LIVING in your house, and not just sleeping there.

Meow.