Was this a jab (comment from another mom) or am I being sensitive?

[Anonymous]

My guess is that it wasn't a comment about you at all. Rather, she was trying to find the positive aspect of having your twins waking up at 4:30 a.m. More time to gussy up!

[Anonymous]

I would say that the comment was kind of jealousy...she probably felt gross herself and noticed you took the time to take care of yourself. New moms all feel pretty vulnerable I think.

[Anonymous]

I guess it depends on how she said it. My guess is she said it slightly bitchy, which is why it registered that way. Was she in one of those two-piece velour track suits that pass for cute? (shudder)

Keep it up with the eyeliner and the cute clothes, OP! Good for you for being able to pull it together despite your early risers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not the OP, but if the mom talking was being bitchy, what was she being bitchy about? I don't get it. Was she giving a backhanded compliment? "So that's why you look good with hair and makeup done -- you've been up for a long time"?

Or was she being sarcastic: "You should have been able to get more pulled together"?

Yes, hard to tell without hearing the tone in which this was said. I could see myself saying something like that to make fun of myself and not realizing how it sounded. But it could have also been a passive aggressive attack. Sorry OP. Hope you can sort things out.

[Anonymous]

OP, I would give the playgroup several more weeks before giving up, and go consistently. This person was probably just making random small talk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think she was trying to make a sympathetic joke about getting up so early, not making a jab.

This is my take on it, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what is your height and weight? bra size? How would you describe your style of dress?

way too stalker-like

[Anonymous]

Sounds catty, coming from a place where she was feeling unattractive and undergroomed. But maybe she was trying to make some kind of joke (like how many moms don't feel they have enough time for personal grooming) and it just turned out incredibly awkward. Bummer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think she was trying to make a sympathetic joke about getting up so early, not making a jab.

This is my take on it, too.

Ditto. And I'll bet she's used the line before. (and wouldn't it be funny if she reads DCUM.)

[Anonymous]

I sympathize OP - I have 20 month old twins and while it takes me 5 -10 minutes to blow dry my hair and a few to put on eyeliner it is totally worth it to me to feel like I can face the world and not look frumpy... Who cares what those women meant - you took care of yourself and felt good about yourself

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it was a compliment that got a little fumbled, I really don't see it as a jab. in new social situations I too will often use compliments as a way to make small talk, or make self-deprecating remarks and I think (maybe?) that is what she was trying to do. but if the group is not a good fit then move on, just don't ascribe bitchiness or bad intentions right off the bat.

I agree with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At a playgroup. I had met a couple of the moms once before, but they knew each other well. I felt sort of excluded from conversation, and I'm usually pretty good at getting in there and I'm friendly enough. It just seemed like I couldn't get a word in, and when I tried, nobody heard me?

I have twin 18 m.o. girls and after about an hour of play, we had to get home. They've been waking up at 4:30 or 5am lately and I can't keep them out too long or there's trouble. I mentioned this as I was thanking the hostess for having us, and another mom said, "Oh so you've had plenty of time for hair and makeup because you've been up for hours!"

So...jab at me? Am I not supposed to blow dry my hair and wear eyeliner? Is this in the mom code somewhere? It kind of hurt my feelings.

I don't even understand this statement. Ignore it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only thing I can say is that sometimes when I'm feeling awkward in a new social situation I try to compliment someone (Nice hair and make up!) and respond to what they are saying (They got up really early!) and it comes out kind of garbled. Maybe that's what happened?

Yes. Many times I've said things that came out wrong- and I don't think I'm particularly socially awkward, I just like to joke, and sometimes people misinterpret things. I can totally imagine myself saying that, but not in a mean way.

Give her some slack. This is always the better approach to take.

[Anonymous]

Unless the tone was clearly snotty, I'd give her the benefit of the doubt.

Incidentally, When DD was small I found a moment put on nail polish (the quick drying stuff, home application) ONCE. At dinner that night, a friend commented, "WHEN ON EARTH did you have time to get a manicure?"

What did I think she meant by that comment? As I heard her, she was saying, "Wow, what a crappy mom you are if you spend precious time doing your nails!"

After discussing it with her, though, she explained that her thinking was, "Wow, how come she has it all together and can even keep her nails nice while I'm struggling to handle a new baby?"

In other words, there can be a pretty broad range of meaning behind/interpretation of a statement of the sort you describe. I'd err on the side of generosity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it was a compliment that got a little fumbled, I really don't see it as a jab. in new social situations I too will often use compliments as a way to make small talk, or make self-deprecating remarks and I think (maybe?) that is what she was trying to do. but if the group is not a good fit then move on, just don't ascribe bitchiness or bad intentions right off the bat.

I agree with this.

me, too. Maybe she's tired?