What should frumpy happily married mom wear to wear to dinner with old boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another Debbie Downer here.
OP - You should go on this "date" only if your husband joins you.
Just the fact that you want to look good for him tells me that somewhere deeeeeeep down, you are fantasizing.

let's be honest.

OP here. I don't know why I'm even dignifying these last 2 posts with a response, but here goes:

1. My husband is welcome to come. He has no interest in doing so. He doesn't worry because our marriage is rock solid and he knows I could never find anyone else anywhere ever who could make me happy like he does.
2. If my DH's old girlfriend were in town I would be fine with him meeting up with her. I'd probably ask a lot of questions when he got home (including what she wore!) but that's about it. See #1.
3. Let's say for argument's sake that I am, as you say, fantasizing. I don't think I am, at least not in the way you mean, but even if I was I think adults know the difference between fantasy and real life. If I'm fantasizing about anything, it's about my youth, about a time when I didn't need a message board and Spanx to come up with a cute outfit. If I can play that role for one night, what's the harm? (See #1 and # 2).
4. If you can honestly say that you would not care at all what you wore if you were seeing someone you hadn't seen in over a decade, then you must truly be the frumpy mom I am terrified I am becoming.

Thanks everyone else for the advice and good vibes! I will definitely report back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another Debbie Downer here.
OP - You should go on this "date" only if your husband joins you.
Just the fact that you want to look good for him tells me that somewhere deeeeeeep down, you are fantasizing.

let's be honest.

OP here. I don't know why I'm even dignifying these last 2 posts with a response, but here goes:

1. My husband is welcome to come. He has no interest in doing so. He doesn't worry because our marriage is rock solid and he knows I could never find anyone else anywhere ever who could make me happy like he does.
2. If my DH's old girlfriend were in town I would be fine with him meeting up with her. I'd probably ask a lot of questions when he got home (including what she wore!) but that's about it. See #1.
3. Let's say for argument's sake that I am, as you say, fantasizing. I don't think I am, at least not in the way you mean, but even if I was I think adults know the difference between fantasy and real life. If I'm fantasizing about anything, it's about my youth, about a time when I didn't need a message board and Spanx to come up with a cute outfit. If I can play that role for one night, what's the harm? (See #1 and # 2).
4. If you can honestly say that you would not care at all what you wore if you were seeing someone you hadn't seen in over a decade, then you must truly be the frumpy mom I am terrified I am becoming.

Thanks everyone else for the advice and good vibes! I will definitely report back.

Not that you want to hear this and will probably write it off, but since this is a forum where we can post our thoughts--here are mine. It may not be a temptation for you or an opportunity that would encourage further fantasizing--we'll never know--but no minister, rabbi, or marriage counselor that I know would ever encourage a married person to go out for a private dinner with a former boyfriend or girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another Debbie Downer here.
OP - You should go on this "date" only if your husband joins you.
Just the fact that you want to look good for him tells me that somewhere deeeeeeep down, you are fantasizing.

let's be honest.

OP here. I don't know why I'm even dignifying these last 2 posts with a response, but here goes:

1. My husband is welcome to come. He has no interest in doing so. He doesn't worry because our marriage is rock solid and he knows I could never find anyone else anywhere ever who could make me happy like he does.
2. If my DH's old girlfriend were in town I would be fine with him meeting up with her. I'd probably ask a lot of questions when he got home (including what she wore!) but that's about it. See #1.
3. Let's say for argument's sake that I am, as you say, fantasizing. I don't think I am, at least not in the way you mean, but even if I was I think adults know the difference between fantasy and real life. If I'm fantasizing about anything, it's about my youth, about a time when I didn't need a message board and Spanx to come up with a cute outfit. If I can play that role for one night, what's the harm? (See #1 and # 2).
4. If you can honestly say that you would not care at all what you wore if you were seeing someone you hadn't seen in over a decade, then you must truly be the frumpy mom I am terrified I am becoming.

Thanks everyone else for the advice and good vibes! I will definitely report back.

Not that you want to hear this and will probably write it off, but since this is a forum where we can post our thoughts--here are mine. It may not be a temptation for you or an opportunity that would encourage further fantasizing--we'll never know--but no minister, rabbi, or marriage counselor that I know would ever encourage a married person to go out for a private dinner with a former boyfriend or girlfriend.

Good thing I'm not religious and don't need marriage counseling!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another Debbie Downer here.
OP - You should go on this "date" only if your husband joins you.
Just the fact that you want to look good for him tells me that somewhere deeeeeeep down, you are fantasizing.

let's be honest.

OP here. I don't know why I'm even dignifying these last 2 posts with a response, but here goes:

1. My husband is welcome to come. He has no interest in doing so. He doesn't worry because our marriage is rock solid and he knows I could never find anyone else anywhere ever who could make me happy like he does.
2. If my DH's old girlfriend were in town I would be fine with him meeting up with her. I'd probably ask a lot of questions when he got home (including what she wore!) but that's about it. See #1.
3. Let's say for argument's sake that I am, as you say, fantasizing. I don't think I am, at least not in the way you mean, but even if I was I think adults know the difference between fantasy and real life. If I'm fantasizing about anything, it's about my youth, about a time when I didn't need a message board and Spanx to come up with a cute outfit. If I can play that role for one night, what's the harm? (See #1 and # 2).
4. If you can honestly say that you would not care at all what you wore if you were seeing someone you hadn't seen in over a decade, then you must truly be the frumpy mom I am terrified I am becoming.

Thanks everyone else for the advice and good vibes! I will definitely report back.

Not that you want to hear this and will probably write it off, but since this is a forum where we can post our thoughts--here are mine. It may not be a temptation for you or an opportunity that would encourage further fantasizing--we'll never know--but no minister, rabbi, or marriage counselor that I know would ever encourage a married person to go out for a private dinner with a former boyfriend or girlfriend.

Good thing I'm not religious and don't need marriage counseling!

I can readily believe that you're not religious! Best of luck to you and your family!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another Debbie Downer here.
OP - You should go on this "date" only if your husband joins you.
Just the fact that you want to look good for him tells me that somewhere deeeeeeep down, you are fantasizing.

let's be honest.

OP here. I don't know why I'm even dignifying these last 2 posts with a response, but here goes:

1. My husband is welcome to come. He has no interest in doing so. He doesn't worry because our marriage is rock solid and he knows I could never find anyone else anywhere ever who could make me happy like he does.
2. If my DH's old girlfriend were in town I would be fine with him meeting up with her. I'd probably ask a lot of questions when he got home (including what she wore!) but that's about it. See #1.
3. Let's say for argument's sake that I am, as you say, fantasizing. I don't think I am, at least not in the way you mean, but even if I was I think adults know the difference between fantasy and real life. If I'm fantasizing about anything, it's about my youth, about a time when I didn't need a message board and Spanx to come up with a cute outfit. If I can play that role for one night, what's the harm? (See #1 and # 2).
4. If you can honestly say that you would not care at all what you wore if you were seeing someone you hadn't seen in over a decade, then you must truly be the frumpy mom I am terrified I am becoming.

Thanks everyone else for the advice and good vibes! I will definitely report back.

1. I'm assuming he's truly and really welcome to come, and you're not going to a Thai place when you know he hates Thai, that you're not going when you know full well he has to work late or has a service club meeting, etc., etc. I also assume you wouldn't have been huffy/otherwise petulant had your DH said, "Hey, I really don't feel comfortable with you going out on this date."
2. So you honestly say that none of his exes would generate some degree of jealousy. Either you're a far better person than 90% of us, or this is something that is not threatening in the abstract but will be an annoyance
3. The potential harm comes when old boyfriend = fun times earlier and fun date this week, and hubby = bills, screaming kid(s), etc.
4. Why are you so excited about seeing this ex? I have no interest in seeing any of my exes, they generally fell into the "crazy" and "more Christian than thou" camps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Good thing I'm not religious and don't need marriage counseling!

I like you, OP!

[Anonymous]

OP is incredibly shallow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is incredibly shallow.

Yes, because anyone who cares about his/her appearance is shallow.

Everyone is shallow to some degree. I'm guessing you're the one exception to that rule, huh? I guess the only clothing you own is one pair of plain clogs, 5 pairs of plain, black pants, and five plain, white shirts?

[Anonymous]

If I had to choose between going to dinner with ANY of my ex boyfriends (even the hot, fun, amazing in bed one from college) and my DH, I'd choose my DH every time. Those guys from the past just don't get me excited.

[Anonymous]

OP, I posted already but noticed this thread had come back up. Don't feel guilty and enjoy this time with an old friend. I would go too, sure that nothing destructive could come of it. Most people are wise enough to take care of themselves and their family.

[Anonymous]

I like you, OP. I could even BE you at some point. But no plans to see ex-BF and still in the frumpy stage myself, so hardly in a position to offer fashion advice. Ignore the few bitchy PPs ... I hope you look fabulous and relaxed and happy and have a great time!

[Anonymous]

Love DH with all my heart, but there are other people that I used to know who were very important to me at important times in my life and it is nice to reconnect from time to time.

[Anonymous]

OP asked for clothing advice when seeing an ex. I think a number of posters have taken this farther than she would (blow out, etc). There is no harm in having dinner with an ex. Those who wouldn't do this or wouldn't want their spouse to do it are either very jealous, mistrusting people or actually have feelings for their ex and want something to happen. I am friends with all of my ex-boyfriends, my husband has met them and one was invited to our wedding. If I hadn't seen any someone for ten years be it an ex, an old girlfriend or boss, I would want to look good! That is what we are talking about here. It is also an opporunity for a mom who doesn't take time for herself to have an excuse to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP asked for clothing advice when seeing an ex. I think a number of posters have taken this farther than she would (blow out, etc). There is no harm in having dinner with an ex. Those who wouldn't do this or wouldn't want their spouse to do it are either very jealous, mistrusting people or actually have feelings for their ex and want something to happen. I am friends with all of my ex-boyfriends, my husband has met them and one was invited to our wedding. If I hadn't seen any someone for ten years be it an ex, an old girlfriend or boss, I would want to look good! That is what we are talking about here. It is also an opporunity for a mom who doesn't take time for herself to have an excuse to do it.

OP here--couldn't have said it better myself. I love that there are so many like-minded people out there. Sometimes I read DCUM and think everyone in the world must be insane. (But then sometimes I'm the one writing the insane posts so who knows.)

[Anonymous]

The hair tip is the most important... I can guess people's economic class by the quality of their hair...a good blow out will make you look classy and well-off. Wear black and a cool necklace with some drop earrings to look sexy. Men love high heels too and nice stockings. I don't care if it is an old boyfriend...you still want to look like the one who shouldn't have gotten away.