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How would you react to a stranger shooshing your child at a restaurant?
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Anonymous
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OP, it sounds like you handled things fine, assuming you really were monitoring your child and reining him in when he got too loud.
The old people who shushed your child were in the wrong. They should have addressed you, the parents, if they had an issue with your child's noise. By addressing your child directly, they caused an escalation if rudeness, in which your husband got into it with them -- which was also incorrect. If the older couple had addresses their concerns properly to you, politely, it would not have provoked your husband into rudeness back -- that's a major point of manners and etiquette -- to allow strangers to interact with each other smoothly withouyt a lot of hurt feelings. |
Anonymous
Agree. It sounds like you handled the situation well with your child. Sounds like your husband didn't handle it as well as he could have, though. Like a PP noted, the elderly tend to be much more sensitive to noises and kid commotion, especially if they have hearing aids. I can't believe the passive-aggressive behavior that some parents have shared in response to shooshing. Far, far worse than the original shooshing. We have a grinch in our midst...that's just a rude old man. Really?? There's no excuse for such rudeness. |
Anonymous
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I think some sort of a middle ground is probably called for. Yes, generally, an exuberant 3yo saying "hi!" over the banquet at a kid-friendly restaraunt is pretty cute. But, technically, it's not polite to interrupt others' dinners, regardless of the type of restaurant. So while a mean spirited "shush!" isn't called for and I'd let my kid know they weren't being "bad" per se, I think it might also be a good idea to tell them that we shouldn't bother other people while they're eating. Making fun of the shushers, or making snide comments or whatever, is going to teach the kid that it's ok to be disrespectful. Yes, in some situations it's warranted, but a 3yo isn't going to get the distinction.
Maybe give DS a hug, tell him that it's ok and you know he's excited, but that we can't bother people while they're eating. And then distract. |
Anonymous
| If my child's noise was restricted to our booth and the couple shooshed them I'd be upset (especially since it's a family restaurant). But it sounds like your child was actually interrupting the couple's meal and I'd say your DH was in the wrong. I would have just ignored your child, but I'm sure some folks would have thought that was out of line. Not everyone enjoys making goo-goo faces and engaging with the children of strangers. |
Anonymous
Yeah, that's it....blame other people because your child doesn't have manners. THAT's a solution. |
Anonymous
| OP here. He wasn't running a mock and we were addressing it anyway. I don't care what they think of me or my kids but they went a step further and made him cry. They could have said something to US and I think that would have been a lot better than directly addressing my child. I thought that crossed the line. As for manners, we do the best we can and he's usually well behaved, he does have a moment of glee here and there though (this one was syrup induced, I'm sure). Point is, I think they should have taken it up directly with me or DH. We would've apologized and tried harder, but what they did just made everyone more upset. (DH told them to shah themselves and not to look at our son again... Or something along those lines) |
Anonymous
Why do THEY need to take it up with you? Were you not watching your own child? Did you not see what he as doing? They do not need to inform you that your own child is misbehaving. You are in the wrong. You child is a product of your lack of parenting. That is the bottom line. |
Anonymous
| The crying kid sounds kind of wimpy... |
Anonymous
| Op again; just to clarify, they were about 55 (so not elderly). DH was really pissed, but he knows he could've handled it better. On the other hand, he wanted to make sure DS knew his parents were in his corner and would "protect" him. DS was quite scared by their reaction. (I actually only heard it, but didn't see it). It was a very exaggerated "shhhhhhh". |
Anonymous
I've already said we were addressing it. If they think i'ma bad parent, that's fine. They can keep that to themselves or they can tell ME. But addressing my kid directly (in such a nasty way) crosses the line, in my opinion. |
Anonymous
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"It was a very exaggerated "shhhhhhh". "
Yikes!!!!!!!!! |
Anonymous
I was just making a point that it wasn't a matter of fact sort of thing. So much is lost in translation on paper. |
Anonymous
Clearly you WERE NOT addressing it, for if you were - they would not have had to reprimand your child. Perhaps it was the last straw & they were tired of your kid bothering them. Stop blaming others for your lack of parenting skills |
Anonymous
| To pp. Clearly you're not going to agree with me. That's fine. He would occasionally get loud, we would tell him to be quiet and distract him and it would work for a while and then he would do it again and we repeated the process. Toward the end of our meal he decided to turn around and say hi. I was doing the best I could and I knew that he wasn't going to be perfectly still and quiet through the whole meal and that's why we went to breakfast at IHOP and not the four seasons. I still think they crossed the line whether i'm a bad parent or not. |
Anonymous
Many 3 year olds, especially boys, are not developmentally capable of sitting perfectly still or quiet for long periods of time. It's not fair to require them to. Whether OP should have handled discipline differently is another question. |