How would you react to a stranger shooshing your child at a restaurant?

[Anonymous]

I admit, my kid wasn't sitting perfectly quiet, but this was a very noisy place and he would occassionally get loud. Each time, we told him to be quiet and he would be good for a while, but he's three and so we have typical toddler issues (in addition to my 15 months old stealing some attention). Anyway, this was 9 am, busy IHOP type place on a Friday, tons of other kids and noise, etc. My DS turned around and loudly yelled "hi" to the older couple behind him and they "shooshed" him in such an exaggerated way that he started crying. DH and I were kind of at a loss for what to do. Actually, DH was pretty angry and got into it with them a little bit, and I was just shocked at the whole situation. My son is super friendly and social and I think he was shocked that his enthusiastic greeting was so abruptly shut down.

Has that happened to you? How would you have reacted? DS was pretty upset and I went over to him and gave him a hug and said "people don't like it when you're loud so they shooshed you, but it's alright. Let's just have our pancakes."

[Anonymous]

I think you handled it perfectly well. Something similar happened to us when my daughter was about 18 months old. We weren't even in a restaurant...we were in line at Gifford's ice cream parlor at Rockville town center and my DD was so excited she squealed with delight. There were some elderly people in front of us who grimaced at her like she was a little beast and were very vocal in their displeasure. I didn't say anything but felt just like your husband. I mean, we were in a very kid-friendly place and DD was just a baby who was excited for ice cream. But then I realized that as people get older it becomes harder for them to tolerate chaos and noise...and sometimes noise can cause problems with hearing aides. That helped me let it go.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP. I feel the same as the PP and think you handled it well. I'm one of those who never had any great love for children before I had them, but even then kid noise never bothered me. Especially not "happy" kid noise. I'm not sure why older people find it so bothersome. I would have also focused on my son if that happened to us. My mother (obviously an older person too) cannot stand any noise from her grandchildren at all, not even their playing in the living room while the adults are talking in the kitchen. She does have some hearing loss, so I wonder if that's somehow related. I don't know.

What did your husband say to them, anyway? I always tell my mother to back off if she's being rude to my child, but I'm not sure I'd be up for that confrontation with a stranger.

[Anonymous]

In a situation exactly as you describe (IHOP, morning meal, etc.) I think you did exactly the right thing thing. (C'mon son, let's have our pancakes).

There are other entirely different situations, however, that I think warrant a "shhhh!" from a non-related adult if Mom/Dad is oblivious to the inappropriate level of noise their kid is making. I personally and unapologetically have shushed a kid at the Kennedy Center after 10 minutes of not shutting up during a NON-family performance -- think it was the ballet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In a situation exactly as you describe (IHOP, morning meal, etc.) I think you did exactly the right thing thing. (C'mon son, let's have our pancakes).

There are other entirely different situations, however, that I think warrant a "shhhh!" from a non-related adult if Mom/Dad is oblivious to the inappropriate level of noise their kid is making. I personally and unapologetically have shushed a kid at the Kennedy Center after 10 minutes of not shutting up during a NON-family performance -- think it was the ballet.

00:15 here. I agree with this as well. Not that this poster is talking about me, but I didn't mean to imply kid noise never bothered me. I was talking about places where kids are naturally found -- grocery stores, family type restaurants, diners, even airplanes (honestly). But the ballet? Or a really nice restaurant? That would drive me nuts.

[Anonymous]

I think you handled it just right. My elderly mother has done things like this (shushing happy friendly kids) and it's mortifying to be around. Please know that it's senioritis, not your child. IHOP is not the venue to expect a hushed and adult dining experience.

[Anonymous]

My mom (who's not that elderly!) gets annoyed with the grandkids when they get loud. I remember one time there were six kids under 6 stuck inside on a rainy day, and two three year olds were laughing loudly and entertaining each other, and she shushed them. My sister and I were like, "uh, they are having fun and keeping each other entertained. when they start fighting and screaming, we'll shush them!"

[Anonymous]

I think you handled it well too - yeah, some people are just out of touch. Don't let it bother you and don't think you're doing anything wrong (you were at iHOP, for god's sake!).

My dad tried to shoosh my almost-3yo yesterday when he was just being loud for the sake of being loud. I mean, it's winter, we're mostly cooped up inside, dinner was almost ready, he was in another room, and not acting up otherwise. I was kind of baffled since my dad is usually easy-going, and I was like, 'Why does he need to be quiet?'. He didn't have a very good answer! I think it's tough for older folks, who are used to peace and quiet, to deal with kid interruptions (and I'm sure my dad's reaction had more to do with the fact that we're staying with my folks for a week).

[Anonymous]

I can see people getting annoyed at your son's behavior. Lots of people (elderly moreso in my experience, my relatives included) would really hate to have al ittle kid turn around to their table and talk to them. They would consider the child rude and the behavior extremely inappropriate. On top of that he was loud. As for me, I would have been embarrassed by my child's behavior, even at an IHOP. While the tolerance level is better than a nice restaurant, I don't allow manners to be relaxed. What I would have done is told my child that he was loud and it was rude to turn around to another table. If my child cried, I might have hugged him. But, I certainly wouldn't have allowed him to think his behavior was ok. As to the reactions of the other people, you certainly can't expect them to welcome your child's advances when they aren't appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can see people getting annoyed at your son's behavior. Lots of people (elderly moreso in my experience, my relatives included) would really hate to have al ittle kid turn around to their table and talk to them. They would consider the child rude and the behavior extremely inappropriate. On top of that he was loud. As for me, I would have been embarrassed by my child's behavior, even at an IHOP. While the tolerance level is better than a nice restaurant, I don't allow manners to be relaxed. What I would have done is told my child that he was loud and it was rude to turn around to another table. If my child cried, I might have hugged him. But, I certainly wouldn't have allowed him to think his behavior was ok. As to the reactions of the other people, you certainly can't expect them to welcome your child's advances when they aren't appropriate.

Saying "hi" is rude? And even if it is, if you were to follow a strict sense of etiquette, the older couples' response was rude as well. Someone else's rudeness is never a reason for being rude yourself, especially when it's a 3 year old child. There is no excuse for the couples' response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can see people getting annoyed at your son's behavior. Lots of people (elderly moreso in my experience, my relatives included) would really hate to have al ittle kid turn around to their table and talk to them. They would consider the child rude and the behavior extremely inappropriate. On top of that he was loud. As for me, I would have been embarrassed by my child's behavior, even at an IHOP. While the tolerance level is better than a nice restaurant, I don't allow manners to be relaxed. What I would have done is told my child that he was loud and it was rude to turn around to another table. If my child cried, I might have hugged him. But, I certainly wouldn't have allowed him to think his behavior was ok. As to the reactions of the other people, you certainly can't expect them to welcome your child's advances when they aren't appropriate.

I agree.

[Anonymous]

I would say loudly to DS, "just ignore those people honey, they are rude and mean."

[Anonymous]

Ha - I had that experience with my child (who is 1 yo and can not control the volume of her screams). An elderly man shushed her and my DH spent the rest of the meal saying very loudly to my DS "I guess some grumpy old men don't like children" or "we have a grinch in our mist"

Not very adult...but it made my DS laugh, and that's ok by me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say loudly to DS, "just ignore those people honey, they are rude and mean."

And this is the way to teach your child to be polite and respectful?! Sorry, but we--the adults--need to set an example, even when difficult.

[Anonymous]

Oh Dear - these old ppl really need to get a grip. If your son was friendly and they shooshed him, I would be really upset and you handled it with much more class than I probably would. If it was at a noisy family friendly restaurant - and he just said hi to them and they did that - I would have made a really obnoxious comment to them.
If he was screaming/crying and acting up and they shooshed him, I would have just been embarrassed and taken him outside for a time out or something or gotten the bill and left.
Some ppl are just jerks.