How would you react to a stranger shooshing your child at a restaurant?

[Anonymous]

wow. i think your mom is disappointed/disgusted not because you became a writer, but you totally suck at it.

maybe you should consider a career change and get a job stocking formula at Safeway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:wow. i think your mom is disappointed/disgusted not because you became a writer, but you totally suck at it.

maybe you should consider a career change and get a job stocking formula at Safeway.

"Wow, totally, suck"? Great ramblings from someone not gifted in prose. I can assume from your lack of postings that you finally came to the conclussion that: A. You are the loser , B. That you are as lame as you accuse others and C. that you have no concept of irony.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read through all the responses, but I must say, I don't think the "HI" was the problem, at least it wouldn't be for me. What gets me in restaurants is when children hang over their side of the booth to gawk at my family while we're eating. Whether or not they actually SPEAK is irrelevant, I don't like being stared at.

A 3 year old is perfectly capable of understanding that they need to sit nicely in a booth. My 2 year old handles it just fine. Bring toys and colouring or whatever for your child to entertain himself with.

Yes, I'll agree the people's reaction may have been a little strong, but like it or not, your child WAS being rude simply by standing up in the booth and watching them.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if OP bathes her son often enough. Maybe the older couple was put off by him not because of his friendly hello, but because of the stench coming off of him from not having been bathed in over 12 hours.

[Anonymous]

What right on earth does ANYONE else have to parent someone else's child? I'll admit, I'm quite irritated by parents who won't corral their kids or shush them once in a while (when they really need it) or teach them proper manners, but NO ONE is going to tell my child what to do except his mother and I. No one.

[Anonymous]

Boy oh boy do you have an adjustment coming when your kids hit school age.

[Anonymous]

With all due respect, it doesn't matter to me what the government and its schools say -- the parents are the only ones who have the rights over their children. That's what I am homeschooling my kids when they reach that age. But this thread isn't about that. I'm simply saying that it's very rude for someone to shush another person's child; it's robbing the parents of their right and God-given responsibility to discipline/redirect their own child, and it's also quite invasive! I say let's leave other people alone. If it's really a problem, tell the manager of the store...don't shush a stranger.

[Anonymous]

Took my 7mo to a restaurant last night. She would not stop staring at the old people next to us. She kept babbling at them. Meanwhile they insisted on smiling and waving at her, and even offered her some of their steak. I was spoooo annoyed at them! I shooshed them as loudly as I could!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can see people getting annoyed at your son's behavior. Lots of people (elderly moreso in my experience, my relatives included) would really hate to have al ittle kid turn around to their table and talk to them. They would consider the child rude and the behavior extremely inappropriate. On top of that he was loud. As for me, I would have been embarrassed by my child's behavior, even at an IHOP. While the tolerance level is better than a nice restaurant, I don't allow manners to be relaxed. What I would have done is told my child that he was loud and it was rude to turn around to another table. If my child cried, I might have hugged him. But, I certainly wouldn't have allowed him to think his behavior was ok. As to the reactions of the other people, you certainly can't expect them to welcome your child's advances when they aren't appropriate.

Completely agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What right on earth does ANYONE else have to parent someone else's child? I'll admit, I'm quite irritated by parents who won't corral their kids or shush them once in a while (when they really need it) or teach them proper manners, but NO ONE is going to tell my child what to do except his mother and I. No one.

This is silly. I'm sorry, but it takes a village. You can be the only people to direct your kids if you live in your own bubble. If your kid is screaming at me in public, hitting me, or irritating my own children, you can be damn sure that I will shush your kids or tell them to back off. You get exclusive rights to teach your kids manners/shush them as long as they are only irritating you. Once they start to irritate other people, you can expect some kind of reaction.

You say NO ONE is going to tell your child what to do, but if you take them out of the house and they misbehave, someone will tell them what to do. I saw a little boy (around 4) hitting is little sister across the face (she was maybe 2). Mom was a few feet away and didn't see. I told the boy to stop hitting his sister. He looked startled and stopped. I don't think his mom noticed that i said anything, and even if she noticed and got mad, I wouldn't care - someone needed to step in on behalf of the little girl getting smacked in the face. There is something to be said about communal responsibility for raising children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if OP bathes her son often enough. Maybe the older couple was put off by him not because of his friendly hello, but because of the stench coming off of him from not having been bathed in over 12 hours.

very dumb post

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you handled it correctly. It's fine to take loud toddlers to IHOP at busy times and they are going to push limits (like speak too loudly to others, which is disrespectful to many people). So up to that point I'm with you. However, from your description, I get the feeling you just think it's awful that someone made your poor dear baby cry. You and DH felt that you absolutely had to show that you as parents were in his corner. And DH "got into it" with these other people. These things disturb me about your situation. So your DS got "shushed". Get over it--he was being rude and he got put into his place. You didn't like how and that's fair enough but these other people were not over the line. I don't love how they did it from your description but it's not a big deal. You and DH made it into a big deal. Does your son not ever hear "Sh" such that he freaks if he hears it? To be fair, maybe it was just coming from strangers that made it scary for him. Fine. So hug him and tell him they weren't trying to scare him, they just didn't appreciate being YELLED AT when they come into a restaurant and next time he needs to speak in an inside voice and people will respond better. Make it a lesson. The only lesson you've taught him here is that he can misbehave and if he cries if he gets corrected, you swoop in to make it all better.

Furthermore, DH went a step further to reinforce bad manners by even responding to these people. I can see where your DS gets his poor manners.

wow, this is a very long thread, but I agree with the above. My points:

--Not all kids would have cried at the "shushing", even perhaps one of your other children. So, it's unfair to judge this based on your child's reaction. That is his response, therefore his problem.

--It definitely sounds like it was time to get the check and leave. You'd said that you'd already talked with him a few times, that's our cue to leave a place, pronto.

--I don't think posters can say that just because dc said "hi" the couple was in the wrong. They may or may not have been very patient. I've got kids and I'm not a fan of any kid jumping up on a booth to peer over and shout "hi". That is very different from a child walking by and quietly waving and saying "hi." Yes?

It's our responsibility to teach our kids social behavior and to read social clues. It's hard when your kid doesn't get it, but help them learn, so that they interact better with others. My kids aren't perfect either. But, I do tell them to be cognizant of others and remind them to be considerate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Took my 7mo to a restaurant last night. She would not stop staring at the old people next to us. She kept babbling at them. Meanwhile they insisted on smiling and waving at her, and even offered her some of their steak. I was spoooo annoyed at them! I shooshed them as loudly as I could!

People, how many elderly give our kids candy, and we DCUM get annoyed that they are overstepping bounds....the elderly can't win!

Your post is cute, but misses the mark. Both sides were actively flirting, so both were correctly reading social clues. If they were smiling and waving at her, and she cried, and they wouldn't leave her alone, you could shoosh them. That is the truth that OP has to consider, in the reverse would she have been annoyed by the couple if they were actively engaging their child, who was frustrated by the attention. Consider it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you handled it correctly. It's fine to take loud toddlers to IHOP at busy times and they are going to push limits (like speak too loudly to others, which is disrespectful to many people). So up to that point I'm with you. However, from your description, I get the feeling you just think it's awful that someone made your poor dear baby cry. You and DH felt that you absolutely had to show that you as parents were in his corner. And DH "got into it" with these other people. These things disturb me about your situation. So your DS got "shushed". Get over it--he was being rude and he got put into his place. You didn't like how and that's fair enough but these other people were not over the line. I don't love how they did it from your description but it's not a big deal. You and DH made it into a big deal. Does your son not ever hear "Sh" such that he freaks if he hears it? To be fair, maybe it was just coming from strangers that made it scary for him. Fine. So hug him and tell him they weren't trying to scare him, they just didn't appreciate being YELLED AT when they come into a restaurant and next time he needs to speak in an inside voice and people will respond better. Make it a lesson. The only lesson you've taught him here is that he can misbehave and if he cries if he gets corrected, you swoop in to make it all better.

Furthermore, DH went a step further to reinforce bad manners by even responding to these people. I can see where your DS gets his poor manners.

wow, this is a very long thread, but I agree with the above. My points:

--Not all kids would have cried at the "shushing", even perhaps one of your other children. So, it's unfair to judge this based on your child's reaction. That is his response, therefore his problem.

--It definitely sounds like it was time to get the check and leave. You'd said that you'd already talked with him a few times, that's our cue to leave a place, pronto.

--I don't think posters can say that just because dc said "hi" the couple was in the wrong. They may or may not have been very patient. I've got kids and I'm not a fan of any kid jumping up on a booth to peer over and shout "hi". That is very different from a child walking by and quietly waving and saying "hi." Yes?

It's our responsibility to teach our kids social behavior and to read social clues. It's hard when your kid doesn't get it, but help them learn, so that they interact better with others. My kids aren't perfect either. But, I do tell them to be cognizant of others and remind them to be considerate.

i couldn't agree more. very good points, PP

[Anonymous]

I haven't read all the pages but a small sample is enough to amaze me! How many moms are willing not to defend their own kid from what was clearly an attack by that couple? Look at any animal and you'll see that their instict is to defend their offspring. But these humans prefer to scold a 3 year old for ... being a 3 year old! Please, some are even saying it's unacceptable for a kid to "stare" at others at a restaurant? Let these kids have a childhood: play, be themselves, have fun. Sounds like the uptight moms obsessed with manners are actually worried about their own image as a proper parent at the expense at their child's well being.