Working parents: how do you have the energy to do it all?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people think that their energy is a finite resource that needs to be carefully guarded and conserved, but my experience is the opposite. The more you do, especially exercise, the more energy you have.

This is only true to a certain extent. If you aren’t getting enough sleep in the first place, no amount of exercise is going to give you more energy.

[Anonymous]

I had one kid and my house is a mess.

[Anonymous]

I work hybrid and my DH works fully remote. Kids are 11, 9, and 3. I was MUCH more tired than I am now until about six months ago. Now I just think about my future self most moments and that gives me the drive and motivation to keep working.

It IS a lot of work. I would love a cleaner but everyone I’ve hired kind of sucks and it makes me mad to spend so much for a middling job. I would say trying to keep on top of the kitchen, laundry, and floors/bathrooms are what wear me out the most- not as much physically but just the knowledge that these tasks are relentless.

But yes it’s very tiring! It’s an outdated system and the 40 hour week is pretty arbitrary. I am fortunate to naturally be high energy and Type A: genuinely don’t know how I would function without both of these characteristics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I WFH full-time; have two kids (DS 5, DD 18 mos), and I just feel exhausted all the time! Neither kid is especially over scheduled (DS has soccer one week night a week, and baseball a weekend morning, DD has my gym), and I don’t think either kid is particularly difficult, DH is a pretty equal partner. When the kids go to bed (usually by 8), DH and I take care of any admin work/cleaning, and then maybe I can stay awake for like 15-20 minutes before passing out. I’m seeing friends who are in similar situations, and are working out multiple days a week, going out with friends, having hobbies, and I just can’t figure out how they have the energy. I don’t think it’s a health issue (I eat healthy, try to exercise every so often), but could that be it?

Advice to my younger self: hire out for housecleaning. Pay extra for a deep clean/laundry. Consider hiring a professional organizer. Hire out lawncare. Instantly more time.

Looking ahead, choose DC activities carefully with an eye on your own time. Do you feel like battling rush hour traffic for your kindergartener to make soccer practice 5 miles away?

I raised 3DC and we allowed only one activity/per DC/per season and DH and I had right of first refusal (we never could have managed a swim team early a.m. schedule, for instance).

No is a complete sentence. Don’t overly commit yourself to the schools and volunteering. Help when you can, even if it’s sending in napkins. You absolutely can do the bare minimum or nothing at the school. I love a fuss free silent one time only PTA donation.

Avoid carpools! They are never smooth or easy nor helpful!

Resist the idea of over scheduling your DC. Let them hang out at home with “nothing” to do. Encourage outside play even it’s a mini sandbox on a patio or running thru a sprinkler.

[Anonymous]

It's about inputs and outputs and everyone is different. Some people have lots of inputs (high energy naturally, lots of family support, money for outsourcing) and lower outputs (neurotypical kids, fewer kids, etc.). So they can afford to spend more energy on non-parenting pursuits because they have more coming in than going out.

I have lower inputs than many of the parents around me. I don't lament that, it's just how life is, but as a result I do not compare my outputs with theirs if I can help it. Someone else has three kids in intensive activities, is on the PTA board, has a high paying job, and still manages to run marathons? Ok, great, it doesn't concern me.

I'm doing a good job with the inputs I have. Sometimes I think I'm doing great, actually. It might not look impressive to other people because they just assume everyone has the same resources they have. Oh well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I WFH full-time; have two kids (DS 5, DD 18 mos), and I just feel exhausted all the time! Neither kid is especially over scheduled (DS has soccer one week night a week, and baseball a weekend morning, DD has my gym), and I don’t think either kid is particularly difficult, DH is a pretty equal partner. When the kids go to bed (usually by 8), DH and I take care of any admin work/cleaning, and then maybe I can stay awake for like 15-20 minutes before passing out. I’m seeing friends who are in similar situations, and are working out multiple days a week, going out with friends, having hobbies, and I just can’t figure out how they have the energy. I don’t think it’s a health issue (I eat healthy, try to exercise every so often), but could that be it?

Advice to my younger self: hire out for housecleaning. Pay extra for a deep clean/laundry. Consider hiring a professional organizer. Hire out lawncare. Instantly more time.

Looking ahead, choose DC activities carefully with an eye on your own time. Do you feel like battling rush hour traffic for your kindergartener to make soccer practice 5 miles away?

I raised 3DC and we allowed only one activity/per DC/per season and DH and I had right of first refusal (we never could have managed a swim team early a.m. schedule, for instance).

No is a complete sentence. Don’t overly commit yourself to the schools and volunteering. Help when you can, even if it’s sending in napkins. You absolutely can do the bare minimum or nothing at the school. I love a fuss free silent one time only PTA donation.

Avoid carpools! They are never smooth or easy nor helpful!

Resist the idea of over scheduling your DC. Let them hang out at home with “nothing” to do. Encourage outside play even it’s a mini sandbox on a patio or running thru a sprinkler.

I also deliberately pick activities so I can take a break. My kid does baseball for an hour and a half on Fridays? I bring a nice chair and read a book. Same thing during swim.

Working from home I do a lot of slow cooker meals and leftovers. I also will just have things like sandwich night. We don't need an elaborate dinner every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people think that their energy is a finite resource that needs to be carefully guarded and conserved, but my experience is the opposite. The more you do, especially exercise, the more energy you have.

Agree with you except that peri has decimated my sleep, so there's only so much I can do to counter that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people think that their energy is a finite resource that needs to be carefully guarded and conserved, but my experience is the opposite. The more you do, especially exercise, the more energy you have.

Agree with you except that peri has decimated my sleep, so there's only so much I can do to counter that.

Fair enough. I’m in my mid-30s so I’m not there yet.

[Anonymous]

We hire help so we’re not doing all of it.

[Anonymous]

I don't know - I think the answer is you just have to do it. What's the alternative? From my experience, it doesn't get easier or less exhausting, but it does change! When you're in the thick of the baby/toddler years it can feel relentless and exhausting, but tween and teen years are much more taxing mentally and exhausting in their own ways. Plus my teens now need me at later hours and I've conditioned myself to go to bed early!

IME, best thing I can do is make sure I find time to exercise - it is the only thing to keep my mental health where it should be. Throughout the years, I have fit this in any and every place I can - alongside my kids, at their practices (laps or walks or whatever), or getting up early or after they go to bed (this was when they were very little).

Also - a housecleaner is great, but really having an attitude that enables you to let the little stuff go (ie a messy house is perfectly fine, my kids rewearing clothes if they want, filling their lunch box with junk food occasionally). Striving for perfection in every aspect of life is what will kill you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I WFH full-time; have two kids (DS 5, DD 18 mos), and I just feel exhausted all the time! Neither kid is especially over scheduled (DS has soccer one week night a week, and baseball a weekend morning, DD has my gym), and I don’t think either kid is particularly difficult, DH is a pretty equal partner. When the kids go to bed (usually by 8), DH and I take care of any admin work/cleaning, and then maybe I can stay awake for like 15-20 minutes before passing out. I’m seeing friends who are in similar situations, and are working out multiple days a week, going out with friends, having hobbies, and I just can’t figure out how they have the energy. I don’t think it’s a health issue (I eat healthy, try to exercise every so often), but could that be it?

You have to accept you will not be stellar at either.

[Anonymous]

Most have help. We always had a nanny, house cleaner, part time cook, lawn care ect.

[Anonymous]

Yeah sorry, it doesn't get better. That is why people keep posting. But certain things get easier, like you don't have to watch them every minute and you can drop them off at the practices.

About 15 years later they will be teens and then you have different worries. It is Sat night and we are still exhausted, menopause has hit and we have aging parents, the ones that are still with us.

But the teens can be lovely, I just don't have more energy or necessarily sleep better because of teen worries and menopause.

My advice - take the 18 month old out of my gym, do 1 sport only for the 5 yo and get cleaners asap.

[Anonymous]

I think working from home can actually be more tiring sometimes, like you can’t shut off the “home brain”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most have help. We always had a nanny, house cleaner, part time cook, lawn care ect.

Most people do not have all of these.